You may have heard about Mark Ramiro in the news. Late one night in July 2014, he was with several friends – all high on drugs. They were filming stunts in the basement of his South Baltimore home, until things went fatally awry. Mark’s friend of 15 years, Darnell Mitchell, strapped on a bulletproof vest and asked to be shot in the chest. But Mark aimed inches too high, and the bullet hit Darnell just above the vest. Mark rushed his friend to the hospital, but it was too late.  

Mark came to Helping Up Mission in June 2015. He had already successfully participated in several short-term recovery programs, but he was still awaiting sentencing, and constantly wrestling with the trauma and shame of what he had done. In March 2016, Mark Ramiro was sentenced to 4 years – but he went to prison with 9 months’ clean time and, more importantly, a new perspective on his past and his future. Our chaplain, Vic King, spoke with Mark in jail.

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Both my parents worked all the time to put food on the table, so I was pretty much on my own with my friends. I didn’t really know who I was, because I looked Filipino, but I talked and carried myself more as a West-Baltimore American. I just went with the flow. I started experimenting with alcohol and weed in middle school, and by 9th grade I was a real heavy weed smoker.

When I was 21, I went to art school in PA and got a degree in fashion marketing. I was making and selling t-shirts, doing tattoos, and filming music videos for local rap artists. But I started using pills – Percocets, Oxys, Opanas, Benzos – and it started affecting my whole character. And that led to my friend’s death.

You came to HUM on house arrest. What was it like at first?

Well, I broke the record for the longest restriction in Helping Up history (laughs) – it was either HUM or going to jail. So when I first got there I was upset; I didn’t want to be there. But I found Pastor Gary and Mike Rallo interesting. Pastor Gary would make me write the character quality of the week on the board every morning, because of my artistic skills.

I got real close to different guys. Mike is the security guy at the 23 desk, and they put me there for work therapy. We didn’t talk much at first. But he’s a giver, always helping other guys, and I would just observe him. Then we started talking. He trusted me for some reason, and that meant a lot to me. He could tell when I was going through stuff.

What aspect of HUM’s program helped you the most?

For me, I liked the spirituality – reading the Bible, praying, talking, meditating. A lot of times I would slip into the chapel, and sit in the corner where nobody could see me, and just think.

So how has God helped you in the midst of all this mess?

He’s helped me in trying to forgive myself, helped me not blame other people for my own screw-ups, helped me be open with other people, to talk with people. A lot of times in my life, I was antisocial. Maybe it was my character or maybe it was due to my drug addiction, I don’t know. But I try to follow what I’ve seen.

Before your sentencing, you were able to meet with your friend Darnell’s family. What was that like?

It was emotional, but it was good. It broke the ice. They were upset at me, which they have every right to be. I can’t be mad at that. For what I did, they were upset, but they were open, and they were forgiving. They hugged me a bunch of times. They told me how it hurt them, how it affected them. I apologized – words can’t express how sorry I am.

Describe your transition from HUM to prison.

Court was nerve-wracking. You pray for the best and expect the worst. I got nine years with five suspended. God works in mysterious ways, and I think he prepared me for that. Nobody wants to go to jail. I don’t care who you are, this place is not for anybody.

It was different from 2014 when I came here; it just felt different. I’m happy. Not to say I’m happy to be here, but I’m cool. I know this is temporary. I don’t know what the Big Man’s plans are for me, but this is part of it. This was like the icing on the cake to set things straight. And I think this is Him testing me too… Is this kid going to turn his back on Me? Is he going to lose his faith? Is he going to give up?

I still pray, frequently. I was reading the Gospel of John this morning. I think my faith in God kept me together. ‘Cause if you knew me then, and if you know me now, you could tell. I’m in the system… and I’m cool. I know it’s temporary. Walking around with a chip on your shoulder is not going to help. At all.

What are your hopes for life after prison?

I’m going to get a job, stay sober. I’m going to continue to do my artwork – paint, draw, hopefully open a t-shirt business. I want to tell people my story – the mistakes, the drug addiction – and see if I can help someone.

What would you want people to take from your story?

Be yourself, be honest. Have faith… because you have to lean on something beyond yourself. If you put yourself first, and you think it’s all about you, then you’re already lost. Stay clean, stay drug-free. I know it’s cliché to say, but it doesn’t lead anywhere but jail or death. God didn’t give you the blessing of life to waste it and to get trashed every day. You weren’t put on this earth for that. I’m happy to wake up every day, open my eyes and breathe.

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“Bad decisions were eating me up… but now I’m taking one day at a time… turning my will over to God each day.”

“I was brought up Catholic and went to a Catholic high school – Calvert Hall – but Christianity was not a way of life for me. Church was just a box to check off. Playing soccer and partying on the weekends really was my way of life. School classes were there and I did alright, graduating with a 3.0 GPA.

“I received a full scholarship to a Division I University to play soccer, but with the increased freedom, things went downhill pretty fast – partying even more. I made it through my junior year playing soccer, but didn’t go to classes. I was pretty out of control with chemicals and I lost my scholarship.

“I left and got a job – I apprenticed as an iron worker, made pretty good money and purchased a home when I was about 25 years old. I was in recovery at the time for about a year, but it slowly slipped away and I relapsed on opiates. It really got bad quickly.

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“I was out of work, having totaled my vehicle and broken my hand. I started getting serious about my recovery again and parlayed my past college experience into an associate’s degree. I heard about Helping Up Mission through a friend who was involved with Back On My Feet. I looked HUM up online and came in on a Monday.

“It was my third rehab but other programs had only lasted about 17 days due to insurance coverage. When I got here, I had done alcohol; opiates were my drug of choice – raw heroin. I couldn’t live with it and I couldn’t live without it.

Matt is finishing college and running the Boston Marathon

“I had been doing really out of character things –I had lost the house to bankruptcy, lost my job, totaled my vehicle – my life was falling apart and snowballing out of control.

“I was pleasantly surprised by the spiritual part of the program. A seed had been planted in AA and during my one year of sobriety; I knew spirituality was part of recovery. I stayed at HUM for the first time for 5-6 months. I had a job lined up in a new field – solar energy. I had taken the online courses and completed certifications to work in the field. I thought I was OK.

“I stayed clean until my first paycheck. I was at a restaurant watching the World Cup and didn’t have the intention to pick up a drink – but I did. That was a learning experience! I blacked out and came to in Central Booking. I couldn’t believe how things had changed so quickly in a few weeks. The guilt of my decision ate me up. I had court dates and time to serve for my third DWI. I got right back into opiate addiction – I was doing even worse than before. I served eight weekends of jail time.

“I learned that relapse doesn’t have to be the end of recovery.

“Fear keeps a lot of guys from making the decision to surrender. There’s embarrassment and shame. Getting over the guilt and shame, and coming back through the door of HUM was part of a spiritual awakening for me.

“People understood that here. I knew I needed to be at HUM, and I didn’t put an end date on that the second time around. I decided to really get into the Word of God and really understand the meaning of the gospel.

“Taking one day at a time and working the program every day is important to my recovery. I start off the day, with morning devotions and getting into the Word. I go to the chapel and pray. I admit that I am powerless and turn my will over to God each day, keeping in constant contact with Him and relying on His power. I’m connected to AA, have a home group, and I am working the steps with a Sponsor. I go to church regularly. God’s really been working in my life and people can see that. It’s brought my family together – we’re all attending church together on Sunday, which has been remarkable.

“I’m going back to school and majoring in Human Services at University of Baltimore. I will graduate next year. I just want to help people.

Matt is finishing college and running the Boston Marathon 1

“Things have changed – I don’t react to things the way I would in the past. In the past when traumatic things happened, I would have used. Not today.

“Another part of my recovery – and an area transformed – has been running. I used to party with those I played soccer with. Now, running became like meditation for me. Addiction is a physical, mental and spiritual disease. I draw strength from the spiritual, but the physical benefits of running are part of my recovery.

“I ran my first marathon in the Baltimore Running Festival in October. I had never run very far before that – a 5K here and there or the Frederick Half Marathon in my twenties. I ran a good time at three hours and eight minutes. I qualified for the Boston Marathon. I didn’t get to play my senior year of college because of my substance use; it was heartbreaking. Now as a college senior, I am going to run the Boston Marathon representing HUM. God gave me an opportunity to do this, for a passion and purpose.

“Grace and mercy has been received here. I don’t deserve and couldn’t repay anyone for what I have now. I’m becoming the person that God intended me to be.”