Julio knows how it feels to be successful in the world’s eyes, but had to learn to be still and serve in order to succeed in his recovery.

Julio Santana grew up in an upper middle class family in Baltimore.  His father was an electrical engineer and his mother was a dermatologist, both at Johns Hopkins Hospital.  He attended private school where he played football and baseball, and sang in the choir.  His success in high school led him to Tuskegee University.  He graduated from Tuskegee with a degree in finance.

Julio started using alcohol as a teenager.  His cousin gave him his first 40-ounce bottle while he was in tenth grade and he realized that it helped him relax.  Drinking became a social part of Julio’s life and he continued drinking throughout college.

After graduation from Tuskegee, Julio started working in Virginia at a job that required him to “wine and dine” clients with an unlimited expense account.  He was living the dream with five cars and an amazing apartment.  After three years, he left this job because the multiple promotions and great material goods were not enough.  He wanted more.  Julio admits that his drinking increased during this time, but he was still functioning.

On September 11, 2001, Julio returned to the Baltimore area to start a new job in mortgage banking.  He had incredible financial success and worked for three years in the industry. But that still wasn’t enough.

He eventually left the mortgage banking firm in order to partner with his best friend in a fast food franchise.  They built up their new store and again found success.  The shop was ranked fifth in the region for the first three years that Julio and his partner owned the store.  That led to the decision to open a second store, all before he had turned thirty years old!

Looking back, Julio can see that the second shop was a mistake.  It cost more money to start and was a “problem store” from the start.  Also, next door to the store was a bar.  Julio became an absentee owner and let the teenagers working behind the counter more or less run the shop.  He had always been the responsible one, the one to fix problems, but he wasn’t that guy this time around.  He ended up having to sell the store and had to start all over again. 

This time Julio worked in the home repair business and did much of the actual labor himself.  He felt his life spinning out of control at this point, but still didn’t realize he was an alcoholic.

It took the death of his parents to open his eyes.  Julio’s mother had been ill and he felt bad that his father had been the one taking care of his mom, when Julio felt he should have been the one helping out.  After his mother passed away, Julio’s father told Julio that he was wasting his gifts because of alcohol.  But Julio still didn’t think he had an addiction; he thought addictions could only happen if he used hard drugs.  One of the last things Julio’s father said to Julio was, “Son, please stop drinking”.

After the death of both parents, Julio tried to clean up and was sober for several months.  But one day the pressures of life, the guilt and the shame all just caused him to give up.  He ended up sabotaging a job he was on and left to get drunk.

It took Julio three tries to get into Helping Up Mission.  On his first attempt, he arrived and had to wait to get in the door, but he wasn’t ready so he gave up and left.  On his second attempt, he came with too much luggage.  He wasn’t ready to let go of his material things and so he returned to a friend’s house (he had no other place to go) thinking he would never come back.  But, God had different plans for Julio.  On Veteran’s Day of 2015, Julio only had $5 on him and was so depressed that he knew he had to do something.  He walked for two and a half hours, stopped for one last beer, and then caught a ride to the train station to get to HUM. 

Although he had still packed several bags to bring with him, at some point he had to surrender it all and start fresh.

At first, he was afraid and he had a rough start.  It took him until around the sixty-day point to get comfortable with the idea that he was exactly where he needed to be.  Julio had borrowed a truck from a friend, but it broke down and he saw that as “a sign” to sit still and focus on his one-year in the Spiritual Recovery Program.

Julio graduated in November and is currently a graduate intern in the IT department at HUM. During his time here, Julio learned to sit still and to take responsibility for things again.  He also learned that helping doesn’t mean that you will fix a problem for another person; it means guiding people to a better way and then allowing them to go make it happen. 

Shortly before graduation, Julio took a Peer Advocate Training course.  This training will allow Julio to work in emergency rooms and counsel (as a peer) to those in need.  He can help in a specialized way that doctors and nurses aren’t always able to because they do not have first-hand experience of recovery.  He can advocate for and educate those in need and then help them so that they won’t necessarily need to return to the ER.

Whether Julio will choose to work in the IT field or as a Peer Advocate is not quite clear to him.  It is clear that helping people is a passion that burns deep within!  But right now, he needs to sit still and let God call the shots for his future.  With that as his plan, he can’t go wrong.

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 “My life consisted of lies until I got to the mission….I would have never imagined that I would be where I am today.”  I grew up in Knoxville. My addiction started when I began using alcohol when I was 17 years old, after my grandmother passed away. I have no knowledge of my biological father. My mom remarried when I was five and and started working. With nobody at home my grandmother played a big role in raising me.

I was involved in church as a young child, but when my grandmother passed, I was mad at God and wanting to numb my pain. I started smoking marijuana and trying anything. My grades slipped but I still excelled at soccer and got a scholarship to play in college. On graduation night, my best friend was killed in a drinking and driving accident – that’s when I started running and left Knoxville.

“All I cared about was partying…”

[College} was the first time I was away from my family and on my own. I failed out and moved back to TN.  All I cared about was partying and soccer. I moved across the country and back again. I got into pills and cocaine. I would pick stuff at jobs quickly and then flame out.

I always had friends and family tell me that I could accomplish whatever I wanted to. But, I wasn’t passionate about anything, other than playing soccer. I was lost. I had accepted that I would be a drug addict the rest of my life, numbing my pain.

I didn’t want to  end my addiction.

I moved around a lot. I thought if I started fresh, I would stop using. So, I got the brilliant idea to join the military. I detoxed off of alcohol while I was in boot camp.  I ended up choosing the ceremonial guard, where I got injured and was proscribed Percocet. That was the end of it. I met a fellow shipmate who was injured; he introduced me to heroin. I started stealing from my shipmates and that is when it got bad. They put me into Walter Reed pysch unit for 3 weeks and then 28 day rehab in VA. I didn’t want to  end my addiction. After everything transpired, I was given an “other than honorable discharge”.

I could have gone home, but I didn’t want to put my parents through that again. I went out to Colorado and lived with a friend and his family. [It didn’t work out] and he bought me a ticket to Santa Cruz, CA. Eventually, I met up with a high school buddy and got a job working on a legal pot farm, making $500 a day. In Santa Cruz I was introduced to black tar heroin and crystal meth; I started getting arrested – 22 times in 3 years.

In his addiction James had no hope, no love, no faith, and no direction

My last arrest was June 22 of last year; my sobriety date is June 28, 2015. I weighed 150 lbs.and I had no hope, no love, no faith, and no direction. I attended church in jail and met a little old lady who reminded me of my grandmother. She told me that God loved me.  I asked God to come into my life and guide me. I had my first spiritual experience in a long time. The next day, the withdrawals were gone and I called my mom and told her I was ready to come home [when I left jail]. It was emotional to leave; I had become addicted to the lifestyle.

My first night home was the first time I had seen my parents in 3-4 years. Getting into treatment was part of the deal. I went to the Knoxville Area Rescue Mission (KARM), but I needed a long-term program and they [referred me] to Helping Up Mission.

“I was ready to change.”

Settling in, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into but I was ready to change, whatever it took – I knew it was better than jail and it was time to get honest with myself.  Eventually, I felt peace and could walk into a place and not be judged. I could lay my head down and fall asleep.

Mental health counseling has been key for my recovery. When I was first assigned to mental health counseling, I had no idea what it was about. Before, I had no feelings, connection; I was a zombie. Mental health counseling was the first time in my life I could be honest about my feelings – my anger, fear, grief. It opened the door to get honest about my pain. This has led me to trusting others, rather than lying about everything and being suspicious of everyone. It’s led to genuine relationships with others, and I know that guys look up to me now. Spiritual Life staff, my sponsors, mental health counselor, parents – are all part of my recovery, opening me up to HOPE, and becoming more whole.

“I’m dealing with my emotions.”

Physical training has helped to create whole life transformation, too. When I was younger, I used exercise as a coping mechanism, running to escape. When I was injured in the military, that coping mechanism was no longer available and I used drugs to escape and numb the pain. Now, exercise and physical fitness still has great benefits, but I’m not using it to escape because I’m dealing with my emotions. I’m training to run the Baltimore Running Festival’s half marathon in October, so that I can bring awareness to men experiencing addiction and contribute to what has benefitted me so much.

My recovery changed last November. I posted my before and after picture on my Facebook page and it went viral.

James W

Before and after transformation.

“I have worked my program.”

I wanted to show my friends and family that I was doing well and change was taking place, not only physical, but mental change as well.  I have worked my program.  Today, I am honest, open-minded, and willing.  I have so much joy and love in my heart today.

I’m going to stay in Baltimore. I love the city and am being blessed on a daily basis. This is where my support is. I want to take care of my financial debt and go back to college to get a business degree.

Even through my addiction, his family has never given up

I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends and family in my life.  Even through my addiction, they have never given up on or stopped loving me, even when I stopped loving myself. I never imagined that I would be where I am today. I [am] most thankful for the ability to accept change in my life!

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“Bad decisions were eating me up… but now I’m taking one day at a time… turning my will over to God each day.”

“I was brought up Catholic and went to a Catholic high school – Calvert Hall – but Christianity was not a way of life for me. Church was just a box to check off. Playing soccer and partying on the weekends really was my way of life. School classes were there and I did alright, graduating with a 3.0 GPA.

“I received a full scholarship to a Division I University to play soccer, but with the increased freedom, things went downhill pretty fast – partying even more. I made it through my junior year playing soccer, but didn’t go to classes. I was pretty out of control with chemicals and I lost my scholarship.

“I left and got a job – I apprenticed as an iron worker, made pretty good money and purchased a home when I was about 25 years old. I was in recovery at the time for about a year, but it slowly slipped away and I relapsed on opiates. It really got bad quickly.

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“I was out of work, having totaled my vehicle and broken my hand. I started getting serious about my recovery again and parlayed my past college experience into an associate’s degree. I heard about Helping Up Mission through a friend who was involved with Back On My Feet. I looked HUM up online and came in on a Monday.

“It was my third rehab but other programs had only lasted about 17 days due to insurance coverage. When I got here, I had done alcohol; opiates were my drug of choice – raw heroin. I couldn’t live with it and I couldn’t live without it.

Matt is finishing college and running the Boston Marathon

“I had been doing really out of character things –I had lost the house to bankruptcy, lost my job, totaled my vehicle – my life was falling apart and snowballing out of control.

“I was pleasantly surprised by the spiritual part of the program. A seed had been planted in AA and during my one year of sobriety; I knew spirituality was part of recovery. I stayed at HUM for the first time for 5-6 months. I had a job lined up in a new field – solar energy. I had taken the online courses and completed certifications to work in the field. I thought I was OK.

“I stayed clean until my first paycheck. I was at a restaurant watching the World Cup and didn’t have the intention to pick up a drink – but I did. That was a learning experience! I blacked out and came to in Central Booking. I couldn’t believe how things had changed so quickly in a few weeks. The guilt of my decision ate me up. I had court dates and time to serve for my third DWI. I got right back into opiate addiction – I was doing even worse than before. I served eight weekends of jail time.

“I learned that relapse doesn’t have to be the end of recovery.

“Fear keeps a lot of guys from making the decision to surrender. There’s embarrassment and shame. Getting over the guilt and shame, and coming back through the door of HUM was part of a spiritual awakening for me.

“People understood that here. I knew I needed to be at HUM, and I didn’t put an end date on that the second time around. I decided to really get into the Word of God and really understand the meaning of the gospel.

“Taking one day at a time and working the program every day is important to my recovery. I start off the day, with morning devotions and getting into the Word. I go to the chapel and pray. I admit that I am powerless and turn my will over to God each day, keeping in constant contact with Him and relying on His power. I’m connected to AA, have a home group, and I am working the steps with a Sponsor. I go to church regularly. God’s really been working in my life and people can see that. It’s brought my family together – we’re all attending church together on Sunday, which has been remarkable.

“I’m going back to school and majoring in Human Services at University of Baltimore. I will graduate next year. I just want to help people.

Matt is finishing college and running the Boston Marathon 1

“Things have changed – I don’t react to things the way I would in the past. In the past when traumatic things happened, I would have used. Not today.

“Another part of my recovery – and an area transformed – has been running. I used to party with those I played soccer with. Now, running became like meditation for me. Addiction is a physical, mental and spiritual disease. I draw strength from the spiritual, but the physical benefits of running are part of my recovery.

“I ran my first marathon in the Baltimore Running Festival in October. I had never run very far before that – a 5K here and there or the Frederick Half Marathon in my twenties. I ran a good time at three hours and eight minutes. I qualified for the Boston Marathon. I didn’t get to play my senior year of college because of my substance use; it was heartbreaking. Now as a college senior, I am going to run the Boston Marathon representing HUM. God gave me an opportunity to do this, for a passion and purpose.

“Grace and mercy has been received here. I don’t deserve and couldn’t repay anyone for what I have now. I’m becoming the person that God intended me to be.”

Paul Bashore grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah. Along with his 3 siblings, he was raised by both parents.

“I had a good childhood,” says Paul. “In high school, my friends were older than me. When I reached 11th grade, they all graduated so I dropped out of school.

“When I quit going to school, my parents gave me the choice of getting a job and paying rent or moving out. I chose to move out. That same year I started drinking with my friends.   After my first drink, I said, ‘More, more, more!!’

“Over the next few decades, I drank heavily and moved around the country. I had a job selling basketball hoops to schools and recreation centers all over the western states. After 10 years of that job, I got tired of travelling and living in hotels.

“I settled down with a job and starting dating a girl who was big into cocaine. For the next 3 and a half years, I did cocaine and alcohol every day. I got my first DUI when I was 35 years old. I broke up with my girlfriend and moved back in with my parents. For three years in a row, I got a DUI each year.

“After my third DUI, I went to a rehab program for the first time and was introduced to AA. I stayed in the rehab program for 5 months but relapsed a month after leaving the program.

“I spent the next few years working at a motorcycle shop and drinking every evening and weekend. When the motorcycle shop closed in 2011, I started hitchhiking around the country and eventually ended up in a men’s shelter in New Orleans. I was in their program for a year and a half before I decided to start a journey.

“I scrounged up money for a train ticket to Atlanta and started hiking on the Appalachian trail with the intention of hiking to Maine. I started my hike on April 13, 2013. I soon discovered that all of the hikers would drink around their bonfires in the evenings. I started with just a drink or two but I soon realized that this lifestyle wouldn’t work well for me.

“I called my Dad from Bristol, TN and told him that I wanted to work on my sobriety. He gave me money for a bus fare to Baltimore so I could look for help. When I got to Baltimore, I needed a shelter to stay for the night so I came to Helping Up Mission.

“When I first arrived at the Mission, I was confused by what I saw. HUM looks nothing like what I was used to after seeing shelters all over the country. I had been expecting to see guys lined up with liquor bottles outside of a run-down building.

“My first night at the Mission, I stayed as an overnight guest. I noticed that HUM had a Spiritual Recovery Program and had an admissions interview. The more I saw, I thought that this seemed like the place for me.

“I quickly grew to love the program. I liked the structure and spirituality of it. I started attending AA meetings and that was very helpful to me.

“I heard that HUM offered a program to help men get their High School Diploma. I set to work immediately and got my diploma as soon as I was able to.

“After that, I heard about the opportunity to go to college. I knew that I’d deeply regret it if I didn’t take that opportunity. I’m currently studying at CCBC and eventually want to be an art therapist. Art has always been a big part of my life. Art therapy will allow me to combine art with my love of teaching. Being an art therapist requires a Masters Degree but, I decided if I go to school, I might as well shoot for the stars and go the whole way!

“I am an intern at the Mission working in the Innovative Learning Center. I oversee the computer class, supervise the learning center, do all the scheduling and help guys earn their diploma. I’m blessed to not only have earned my diploma but now I get to help other guys achieve the same thing!

“I always lived by myself but living in this therapeutic community helps me. It is an encouragement to be around other people like me. You see what not to do and you also see guys helping each other and moving forward. It’s so good to have a community of people who are in sobriety and helping each other. “

“My life is awesome today. Jesus Christ is number one in my life. After that, I am focused on school, family and helping others. I see blessings all around me and am overwhelmed with them.”