God-Sized Hole (poem video)

God-Sized Hole
by Teddy M

Burning down my house of cards
I’m left sifting through the ashes
Embers drifting through the night
The framework down it crashes

The wreckage from the past behind me
It litters a broken road
I plod along a beast of burden
Driven by his master’s goad

I need to feed the monster
That has latched on to my soul
No matter how hard I seem to try
I can’t fill this God sized hole

Willingly I sell my soul
Ten dollars at a time
And trade my family, friends and life
For just another dime

Now these four walls are closing in
My world it keeps on shrinking
Captain on this listing ship
And down with it I’m sinking

I scream out loud to God for help
But it’s Him I cannot find
I’ve been swallowed by the gates of hell
And it’s driving me out of my mind.

It doesn’t have to be this way
I can stop anytime I want to
But fear it keeps me chained in darkness
So all I’ll ever do is haunt you

Passing through the stream of life
With hardly the smallest flutter
The word that I would use to ask for help
I just cannot seem to utter

This God-sized hole is just so big
That no light or joy escapes it
This demon has its claws in me
And I just can’t seem to shake it

All these years have passed me by
Time it slips right through my hands
Wondering how I got this way
What happened to all my plans?

I gave it all away for nothing
And cheaply sold my soul
No matter what I try to do
Only God can fill this hole.

For years, men in the addiction recovery program at Helping Up Mission have written poetry as a part of their recovery process. Now, they have gathered, edited, and published a sampling of their writings as a book: War of Grace: Poems from the Front Lines of Recovery. This video was produced in collaboration with the amazing team at Mozell Films.

You can download the ebook and audiobook: free of charge, at: