The Triangle of Self-Obsession (video)

“Here’s something I wrote that was inspired by the 12 Steps:

Is at the heart of my insanity
The illusion of control is like speaking profanity

Is the way I react to the past
Reliving the moment
Don’t tell, don’t ask

Is the way that I deal with the present
A denial of reality
The consciousness of presence

Is what I feel when I start to think
Creating an illusion
And I start to sink
Six foot deep, and my eyes go blank
The Titanic’s going down but I don’t even faint

Running away from self-conscious
Is a terrible waste
Seared deeper and deeper
At a constant pace

Is the motivator I use to get high
‘Cause when the tough gets going
I get gone, goodbye

My approach to the disease of addiction
Is completely realistic
Thoroughly follow the path
Or become a statistic

I have a choice over impulsive thinking
Stop and say no to compulsive drinking
So I had to find a new way to live

Is the feeling I experience
For the things that I did

Is Hearing Other People’s Experience
Like nitrous oxide
Too fast, too furious

Is that fixed idea that takes me back
Down memory lane
Or something like that
To recapture the ease and comfort I once knew
Quoting “pour me a drink – I’m feeling kinda blue”

So what do I do?
Relapse and get twisted
“Keep it simple, stupid”
My sponsor insisted
“Don’t get ahead of yourself”
“One day at a time”
When at the end of the road
What did you find?
Until I got clean with a simple solution
Also a plan of action that really works
It’s called 12 Steps for crash dummy jerks

So my troubles, I think
Are basically my own making
They rise out of self
The self-obsessed nature”

The NA pamphlet The Triangle of Self-Obsession was a specific inspiration for this poet.

For more poetry from our men, check out our Poetry page.