Heroin Archives - Page 3 of 3 - Helping Up Mission

“Bad decisions were eating me up… but now I’m taking one day at a time… turning my will over to God each day.”

“I was brought up Catholic and went to a Catholic high school – Calvert Hall – but Christianity was not a way of life for me. Church was just a box to check off. Playing soccer and partying on the weekends really was my way of life. School classes were there and I did alright, graduating with a 3.0 GPA.

“I received a full scholarship to a Division I University to play soccer, but with the increased freedom, things went downhill pretty fast – partying even more. I made it through my junior year playing soccer, but didn’t go to classes. I was pretty out of control with chemicals and I lost my scholarship.

“I left and got a job – I apprenticed as an iron worker, made pretty good money and purchased a home when I was about 25 years old. I was in recovery at the time for about a year, but it slowly slipped away and I relapsed on opiates. It really got bad quickly.

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“I was out of work, having totaled my vehicle and broken my hand. I started getting serious about my recovery again and parlayed my past college experience into an associate’s degree. I heard about Helping Up Mission through a friend who was involved with Back On My Feet. I looked HUM up online and came in on a Monday.

“It was my third rehab but other programs had only lasted about 17 days due to insurance coverage. When I got here, I had done alcohol; opiates were my drug of choice – raw heroin. I couldn’t live with it and I couldn’t live without it.

“I had been doing really out of character things –I had lost the house to bankruptcy, lost my job, totaled my vehicle – my life was falling apart and snowballing out of control.

“I was pleasantly surprised by the spiritual part of the program. A seed had been planted in AA and during my one year of sobriety; I knew spirituality was part of recovery. I stayed at HUM for the first time for 5-6 months. I had a job lined up in a new field – solar energy. I had taken the online courses and completed certifications to work in the field. I thought I was OK.

“I stayed clean until my first paycheck. I was at a restaurant watching the World Cup and didn’t have the intention to pick up a drink – but I did. That was a learning experience! I blacked out and came to in Central Booking. I couldn’t believe how things had changed so quickly in a few weeks. The guilt of my decision ate me up. I had court dates and time to serve for my third DWI. I got right back into opiate addiction – I was doing even worse than before. I served eight weekends of jail time.

“I learned that relapse doesn’t have to be the end of recovery.

“Fear keeps a lot of guys from making the decision to surrender. There’s embarrassment and shame. Getting over the guilt and shame, and coming back through the door of HUM was part of a spiritual awakening for me.

“People understood that here. I knew I needed to be at HUM, and I didn’t put an end date on that the second time around. I decided to really get into the Word of God and really understand the meaning of the gospel.

“Taking one day at a time and working the program every day is important to my recovery. I start off the day, with morning devotions and getting into the Word. I go to the chapel and pray. I admit that I am powerless and turn my will over to God each day, keeping in constant contact with Him and relying on His power. I’m connected to AA, have a home group, and I am working the steps with a Sponsor. I go to church regularly. God’s really been working in my life and people can see that. It’s brought my family together – we’re all attending church together on Sunday, which has been remarkable.

“I’m going back to school and majoring in Human Services at University of Baltimore. I will graduate next year. I just want to help people.

“Things have changed – I don’t react to things the way I would in the past. In the past when traumatic things happened, I would have used. Not today.

“Another part of my recovery – and an area transformed – has been running. I used to party with those I played soccer with. Now, running became like meditation for me. Addiction is a physical, mental and spiritual disease. I draw strength from the spiritual, but the physical benefits of running are part of my recovery.

“I ran my first marathon in the Baltimore Running Festival in October. I had never run very far before that – a 5K here and there or the Frederick Half Marathon in my twenties. I ran a good time at three hours and eight minutes. I qualified for the Boston Marathon. I didn’t get to play my senior year of college because of my substance use; it was heartbreaking. Now as a college senior, I am going to run the Boston Marathon representing HUM. God gave me an opportunity to do this, for a passion and purpose.

“Grace and mercy has been received here. I don’t deserve and couldn’t repay anyone for what I have now. I’m becoming the person that God intended me to be.”

Aaron Benn, age 30, grew up in the Cherry Hill neighborhood of Baltimore. “I ran away from my Dad when I was 13 and moved in with my mom,” says Aaron. “She let me do whatever I wanted and I thought that was the life. I stole my mother’s car when I was 15 so she kicked me out. I went back to my dad but in the 10^th grade, I dropped out of school and ran away.

“I started selling drugs at 15. I was arrested for attempted murder at age 17. I was innocent and eventually released. I earned respect from the guys in the neighborhood for getting locked up but not telling on the person who did it. That only encouraged me to dig deeper into the street life.

“I had experimented with drugs before but my addiction really developed at age 18 when I tried Percocet after a basketball injury. At age 27, I tried heroin for the first time. Not long after, a federal indictment come down in Cherry Hill and 40 people were locked up – half of them were my close friends. I stopped selling drugs because I didn’t want to be involved in that. But, I still had my drug habit and I could no longer afford it after I stopped selling drugs.

“Everything started falling apart. I couldn’t pay my bills. I left my girlfriend and went into isolation thinking that would be better for me and help me get over using. Instead of helping, my addiction became 20 times worse. I left my place and went to stay with my uncle and started selling drugs again.

“I grew weary of the life I was living. I finally woke up and realized I didn’t want to go any farther down the path I was on. I knew I had been raised better than that. I went to my aunt and uncle’s and asked them to help me. I told them that I wanted to get clean and to get my life right. My aunt told me about the 3 day detox program at Johns Hopkins Bayview. As I spent time in detox, I realized that if I was going to turn my life around, I would need extra help. A 3 day detox program wouldn’t provide me with the support that I needed to make a total life transformation.

“I called my aunt and asked about rehabs in Baltimore. She told me about Helping Up Mission and I called and got all of the information. That day that I came to the Mission, I woke up in the morning and asked God for a sign. I’m a big Ravens fan so, as I got dressed that morning, I put on all of my Raven’s gear. When I arrived at the Mission, they told me that the players from the Ravens were coming for the annual coat giveaway. Joe Flacco, Torrey Smith and several other big name players were there. I felt like that was my confirmation. I said, “Okay. This is it. I’m running with it!”

“The first 45 days in the Spiritual Recovery Program were literally the best 45 days of my life. I took that time to get to know myself. I attended all of the meetings and classes that I could and took everything in and applied it. I also attended several of the “HUM U” life enrichment classes – healthy relationships, manhood, anger management, grief and loss as well as others.

“As I progressed through the program, It was so encouraging to hear success stories from the program graduates. From my perspective as a young black man, it was so encouraging to see program graduates that I could related to on the HUM staff. Watching them, I knew that I could clean myself up and get myself together.

“On the first day that I was eligible, I started working on earning my High School Diploma through HUM’s education program. I received my High School Diploma in September 2015.

“I joined HUM’s running team through Back On My Feet. It was so helpful to be able to interact with people outside of the program who genuinely cared about the program members. I started both participating in and volunteering for races in the community.

“The staff at HUM helped me to get my driver’s license and helped me to pay for it through money that was available through Maryland RecoveryNet. For the first time in my life, I’m officially a licensed driver!

“I became an intern in the kitchen. While I was in the kitchen, I met Pastor Reggie from Morgan State. He was volunteering in the kitchen. He encouraged me to start volunteering and working with kids. I did that for quite a while but eventually the volunteer opportunity was over.

“One of the HUM staff members let me know that there was a man from Acts4Youth coming to the Mission. He had volunteer opportunities available that could possibly lead to a job opportunity. I met with him and started volunteering for the summer program. At the end of the 4 week program, he told me he liked the work I was doing. Shortly after, I had an official job interview and began working for them in October. I mentor the kids. We teach them through team building activities. We help them learn to communicate and work well together. I want to reach kids in the whole city. God is not taught to kids enough and the city needs this message. The change in the kids that we are working with shows. We often get good reports from their teachers.

“I graduated from the Spiritual Recovery Program in November 2015. Things are looking good for me! I have my diploma, my driver’s license and a job that I love! I recently moved off of HUM’s campus in December. As for the future, I’m engaged to be married on July 3^rd of this year.”

Watch Aaron’s interview at our 2016 Graduation Banquet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7XY9OguvbA

Kody Jenkins, age 32, was raised in Carroll County. “I have always loved basketball,” says Kody. “I started playing when I was 5 years old and soon enrolled in community leagues.”

“When I was 12 years old, I started smoking weed and drinking. During my junior and senior year, I moved to acid and heroin and cocaine. I was still playing basketball. In my senior year, I was 3^rd in Carroll County for most points scored. Scouts started talking to me and I had a promising college basketball career to look forward to.

Arrested for the first time

“When I was 17 years old, I was arrested for the first time. I was in and out of courtrooms. Right after high school, I had an assault charge. Three days later, I was arrested on major drug charges. They gave me a nine year sentence of which I served about five years.

“After I got out of prison, I knew I still had the basketball talent but I saw the opportunity slipping way from me. I was in and out of rehabs and kept telling myself I would try to play basketball when I got the oppurtunity. Over the next 5 years, I was incarcerated 4 more times and went to rehabs 6 times.

“I didn’t have any relationship with my family during those years. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror let alone be around my family the way that I was. Because of my actions, I hurt family members very badly. I knew I had really messed up and that hurt even more badly than the prison time.

“I got to the point where I had no control over myself or my addiction. If I didn’t get help I would eventually start robbing stores or doing other things I didn’t want to do. I knew it was time to get help. I had heard about Helping Up Mission in the past and decided that it was time to give it a try.

Life was always on the run

“Before I came to the Mission, life was always on the run. I don’t remember ever enjoying life. After I had been at the Mission for a while, I noticed that I was starting to have fun. We went on a retreat to Camp Wabanna. I woke up early so I could catch the sunrise – it was serene. As I started to come to peace with myself, the dream of playing college basketball was reborn.

“My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. When I heard the news, I realized I needed to be able to face him before he died and apologize for that pain I had caused. I had forgiven myself and I knew he had too but I needed to go to him. I visited him and we had a long talk – that was the start of our reconciliation.

Back on my Feet

“My Dad’s diagnosis gave me the motivation to start pursuing my dream of college basketball. I started working out and joined Helping Up Mission’s running team through Back On My Feet.

“I started talking to John, a HUM volunteer who works for Maryland Economic Opportunity Center – an organization that assists individuals in obtaining grants. He knew that I didn’t know how to get started. He helped me fill out the applications and helped me connect with the basketball coach at CCBC Dundalk.

“The coach invited me to attend an open house and try out. When I met the coach, I told him that I had a rough past and things were hard in my 20’s but I was there now. I told him that I wanted an education and I had been waiting for this opportunity for 14 years. He told me that everyone deserves a second chance and that they had a place for me on the team.

“Once I was accepted, I started preparing for college! I enrolled in a summer class to get me prepped for school. I also took advantage of the tutoring services at the Mission to prepare me for my placement classes. Having a tutor allowed me to pass the test and avoid two non-credit classes.

“Running with Back On My Feet prepared me to play basketball again.”

“Running with Back On My Feet prepared me to play basketball again. They taught me discipline through getting up and running every morning. Running helped me to improve my speed.

“I love playing basketball! I’ve been playing in the games and doing really well. It’s a dream come true to finally be playing college basketball.

“Helping Up Mission is a blessing! The Spiritual Recovery Program is set up in a wonderful way. I came to the Mission with a lot of pain. The first 45 days of the program when I was on restriction and unable to leave the building gave me time to stay still and get my head right. Having memory work in Pastor Gary’s class was important to help me start thinking again.

“Having access to counseling at the Mission was critical. The counselors helped guide me through the time with my Dad. They always pointed me back to my relationship with God.

“Helping Up Mission has everything you need to change you life but it’s not going to fall in your lap. At the Mission, I realized that I needed to seize those opportunities. They give you anything you need to change your life!

Kirk Wise grew up in Jessup, MD. “Music has always been a part of my life,” says Kirk. “I was 5 years old when I first sang up front in church. Church was an integral part of my childhood. I brought everyone to church with me when I was in high school.

“During my sophomore year of high school, my older brother and some of his friends took me out to celebrate after one of my football games and introduced me to alcohol. I only drank socially at first.

“At the end of my senior year, I had a football injury. Although I received scholarship opportunities, they were limited compared to what they would have been had I not been injured. I went to Frostburg State.

“My injury took a big toll on me emotionally. By the end of the first semester, I started getting into physical altercations and became aggressive in practice. Things escalated and I didn’t see a future there. I went home and enrolled in classes at Howard Community College.

“The doctor had been prescribing me narcotics because of my football injury. When I was introduced to heroin, I realized that it took the pain away. It took away my feeling of being worthless and down on myself because of football and the injury. I became dependent on heroin but was still able to go to classes at first.

“At the age of 21, I realized I had an addiction problem. I entered into a methadone maintenance program. I stopped going to school but was working. I was in and out of rehab programs.

“In 2005, at the age of 30, I married my wife, Delisha. She knew about my addiction but did not know the extent to which I was struggling. My addiction progressed into a daily thing and I wound up in Montgomery General Hospital in 2009. They referred me to Helping Up Mission. I stayed at HUM for 3 or 4 months and did well. When I left the Mission, I was clean. I felt like I needed to go back home and get back to work to support my wife and our four children.

“About two months later, I started drinking again. Eventually things got bad and I came back to HUM again in 2010. I was at HUM for 6 months but had to leave because I started drinking and tested positive for alcohol.

“My drinking picked up much faster this time. Every morning, the first thing I did was drink. I got to the point where I was drinking up to a gallon of vodka a day.

“In 2012, I lost my grandparents back to back and my brother died in 2013 of a heart attack. Things got very bad as I mourned for them. My relationship with my wife was strained and I lost my job.

“I was hospitalized four times within six months. My wife and the nurses told me I needed to come back to HUM.

“I was relieved to be back at the Mission – it felt like a big weight had been lifted off of me. I realized in that moment that I needed to surrender and admit that I didn’t know how to live successfully. I had to get my pride out of the way and humble myself. I was finally at the point were I could receive help.

“I’m a member of HUM’s running team through Back on My Feet (BOMF). Running with the team is a great way to start the morning and the day.

“Running takes away my fears, doubts, stress and anger. It makes me feel confident and it builds my self-esteem. BOMF members encourage me and it’s a pleasure to be with people who truly care.

“Running long distances is all new for me. I’m registered to run the half marathon with Team HUM at the Baltimore Running Festival on October 17th. I’m currently in training and very excited for it!

“Not long after arriving at HUM, I got plugged into the choir. I’d been hesitant to jump back in. I prayed about it and realized my singing is a gift to be used for God’s glory. The choir welcomed me with open arms. I felt accepted and released the guilt and shame of my previous recovery attempts. In that community, I had people around me who wanted me to succeed. I got to sing at the Mission’s annual Graduation Banquet this past April. It was cool to be able to embrace both my music and recovery together.

“My relationship with my wife and kids is getting much better. I can see the damage that my years of addiction have caused to my family. I can see what needs to be done for my family and I am prepared to do it.

“I am currently working as a music intern at HUM. I direct the choir and help with the band and setting up the equipment for the weekly chapel service. It gives me peace to be able to do something I love and see it bless other people.

“I just started attending seminary to get theological training. After I graduate from the Mission in November, I want to be used by God in ministry to help build His Kingdom here on earth.”

Michael Knighton, age 54, grew up in East Baltimore. “When I was a young boy, I got into boxing because of my brother,” says Michael. “My brother had me out on the corners getting into fights with other kids to earn money when I was about 7. My step-father found out what was happening. He took me off of the corner and to a boy’s club where I could be trained in boxing. I was excited about training and did a lot of amateur boxing.

“When I was 10 years old, my step-father took my mother and brother and I on a boat ride. My step-father saw a little boy in distress in the water. He jumped in to save the little boy’s life. He saved the little boy as well as the boy’s parents. But, on his way back to our boat, my step-father was caught in a current and drowned. I wanted to try to save him but my mother held me back.

“I used to take out my anger in the boxing ring. Boxing was everything to me. When I was 19, I threw a punch and blew my shoulder out. I was rushed into surgery. That surgery led to subsequent surgeries and many pain medications to try to control the pain.

“Boxing had been my outlet to deal with my anger. From that point on, I was heavily into pain medication. I started getting into trouble – forging prescriptions to get more medicine. I was breaking the law all of the time to feed my habit. I was in and out of jail a lot. Eventually I moved from pain pills to heroin.

“For 30 years, I lived dependent on drugs. My body was so used to opiates that, without them, I didn’t feel normal. I was homeless and alone. Earlier in my life, I had gotten two teardrop tattoos on my face. As I walked the streets, I felt that people were always judging me because of my tattoos. I didn’t feel like a normal member of society.

“I finally told myself that enough was enough and it was time to get clean. If I could lie on a prison floor and sober up, I could do it on my own. I went to a methadone program but they wouldn’t accept me.

“I started walking with nowhere to go. I came to the 1000 block of East Baltimore Street and saw the sign for Helping Up Mission. I remembered the good things I had heard about this place so I decided to stay for the night. After hearing about the Spiritual Recovery Program, I decided to give it a try. I had nothing to lose!

“My body was in agony for the first two months that I was at the Mission. My nervous system was a mess as I went through withdrawals after 30 straight years of heroin use. My legs would twitch at night as I tried to fall asleep. I felt like my body had been invaded by an alien being who jumped up and tortured me whenever he felt like it.

“I was assigned to a mental health counselor. I started talking about things that I’d never opened up to anyone about – private matters that I never felt comfortable dealing with. I started to learn to trust people and began to realize that not everyone was judging me. I started to get the sense that people were starting to view me differently and I began to feel accepted.

“As I started to view myself as a different person, I wanted my body to reflect the changes that were happening inside. I decided that it was time to get rid of my tear drop tattoos that, for so many years, had been a visible symbol of my pain.

“My mental health counselor helped me look for a place that could help me with that and she reached out to Maryland Laser Skin and Vein. She explained my situation and how I was working to change my life. They agreed to do the procedures for free. When it was done, the doctor told me the staff was proud of me and to continue on in my good work.

“The first day that I walked around without the tattoos on my face, I finally didn’t feel like an outcast anymore. I was able to walk in stores and not feel like I was being judged as a gang member or trouble maker.

“About that same time, I started working out again. I started out slowly and got back into my old routine before long. I started giving exercise advice to the guys who were in the fitness center with me. It felt great to be able to help them.

“I also started getting dental work done through the Mission’s dental program. When I entered the program, I didn’t have any teeth at all because of an issue with a mouthpiece during my boxing days. Now, I have a full set of teeth!

“I feel so confident these days and am walking with my head held high. People look at me and acknowledge me who would have never given me a second glance a year ago. But, my change isn’t just on the outside. On the inside, I can feel everything going on. My feelings and emotions were sedated by my drug use for so many years. Now I get emotional in ways I never had before.

“I was 19 when my son was born. I was in and out of his life. His life has been filled with a lot of my broken promises. After I came to the Mission, we started communicating again and we are working on our relationship.

“Since I’ve been at the Mission, my relationship with God has grown. I can clearly see how He has been working in my life – no one else could make the transformation happen but Him.

“HUM has become family to me. Every day I look forward to being with the other men here. I find ways to help someone and that means a lot to me.

“I’m so thankful to all of the donors that make HUM a reality. Because of them, men like me and the other guys at HUM get a second chance at life. Helping Up Mission was put here as a gift from God so we get a chance to mend our lives and our relationships with others we have hurt in the past. Today I am the man I always knew in my heart that I could be.”

Bryan Modecki was born in Baltimore. “I had a rough childhood,” says Bryan. “My father was never in the picture and my mother struggled with drugs and alcohol. She was abusive but I know she was doing the best she could and I still love her.

“My mom let my brother and I do pretty much whatever we wanted. I started using drugs at age 14 and it wasn’t long after that I started selling drugs as well. I went to Dundalk High School. I made it through the 11th grade. At that point, I realized I was making more money selling drugs than my teachers were making so I decided to drop out of high school.

“I served my first jail time when I was 18 years old and I got my high school diploma while I was behind bars.

“When I was 24, I was sentenced to 10 years in prison for a possession with intent to distribute charge. I did eight years of that sentence and was released when I was 32 years old.

“I started using and selling drugs as soon as I got out. My heroin habit got bad very quickly and that affected my sales. Things went downhill from there. I was staying here and there with relatives and anyone that would have me. I was weary of trying to come up with money to get high and places to stay.

“I started searching for God. I started reading the Bible and other religious materials looking for God. I sat at a bus stop and prayed and asked God to help me.

“I went to Johns Hopkins Bayview in search of help. They admitted me and I stayed there for a week and a half. When I was discharged, they recommended that I come to Helping Up Mission.

“On the cab ride to the Mission, I started to put myself into a survival mindset like I would on my way to jail. When I arrived at the Mission, I was completely surprised! I had no idea anything like this existed around here. I grew to really like the place and I could see miracles happening around me.

“Unfortunately, I started wanting to hang out with girls and old friends. I had some money in my pocket and thought I didn’t need HUM any more. I went out with a girl and got high. I came back to the Mission 2 days later to pack up my stuff and leave.

“After I left the Mission, I was back on the streets – selling and using. Staying at HUM had been part of my probation. Six months after I left the Mission, I went to see my probation officer. She said if I didn’t get back to the Mission, I was going to jail.

“I came back to HUM in July 2013. The first time I was here, I wasn’t focused. I didn’t really work on the things that I needed to deal with. I didn’t stay away from the things I should. This time, I actually gave myself a chance to do something different. I knew my triggers and avoided them.

“For the first 6 months, I only left the Mission to go to meetings. I stayed focused on my recovery.

“I started thinking about what to do with my life. I didn’t want to do manual labor for the rest of my life. I realized my best option was to get training and I decided to go to culinary school. I received grant money and a loan and enrolled in Stratford University in Baltimore in January 2014.

“I have done very well in culinary school. In September, I learned that I was the recipient of a scholarship that was awarded based on an essay I had written on the topic of how culinary school had changed my career.

“I started running with the Helping Up Mission chapter of the Back on My Feet running team. I run a few miles every day and participate in every race that I can. My goal is to run a marathon.

“I was asked to speak at the annual Back on My Feet Bash in November. The Bash was held at the Marriott. After I left the stage, two Marriott executives approached me and asked me if I would like to interview for a position as a chef. I was in shock — I had never held a job before. All my life, all I’ve ever known is selling drugs.

“As I was sitting there, taking it all in, another man approached me. In my speech, I had referenced being self-conscious about my poor teeth and how I feel they are a hindrance to my career. This man offered to set me up with a dentist and pay for my dental care.

“That following Friday, I got information about my scholarship. I interviewed for, and got, the job at Marriott. I received the information about the dentist and got an e-mail telling me that I had made the honor roll! What a day! I can’t believe how everything is coming together for me. I now know that God is guiding me and He has a plan for me.

“I am reconnecting with my family. I enjoy visiting my mom and cooking for her. My brother is in prison and I send him money when I can. I visit his kids and go to their sporting events.

“I am thankful for Helping Up Mission and call it my home. They basically gave me the chance to save my life. They are the reason I have the chance to do all of this!”