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I grew up in West Baltimore – in Sandtown. There was my mom, my younger brother and his dad in the house. But, I didn’t know he was my step-father; I thought he was my dad until I was 12 when we moved out to Park Heights. It was hard when I found out he wasn’t my biological father, but I realized eventually that he was my “dad”.

My relationship with my mom, even in the middle of my mess, was good. She would always try to find a way to help me get better.

I started trying drugs when I was 8 or 9 – marijuana. But, it wasn’t an every-day thing until I was 15 or 16 because of limited access – by then I had a job and associates to get it from. I started using cocaine at 17.

I put myself out of school when I was in 8th grade [by acting out]. My mom wouldn’t let me be in the house unless I was learning, so the principal that expelled me from Greenspring Middle helped me get into an alternative school. Just two weeks from completing my GED, I got in an altercation and got myself put out again.

I left home when I was 19. From 17 on, I was back and forth with girlfriends and families in a couple places. I met my daughter’s mother and she had my daughter. Her mom didn’t want anything to do with me because I didn’t have a high school diploma or college. But, I always kept a job.

I could always go home, but I chose to live on the streets. Whenever I would call my mom, she would say I could come home. But I told her I was alright, and I was under the illusion that I was taking care of myself.

I first came to HUM in 1998, when I was 28 years old. I only stayed for a week. I tried other recovery programs over the years, including another time back at HUM. I spent time in jail – for things I did and for things I did not do. I had jobs on and off – which also provided access to substances.

On Memorial Day 2012, the love of my life was taken away from me. She was murdered, and I lost my mind. I tried everything not to feel what I was feeling. Marijuana didn’t do it. Coke didn’t do it. As I was on my way to go buy some coke, an associate asked how I was doing. I said that I was trying to find something to numb the pain. He gave me a gram of raw dope. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, but it took away the pain. What I didn’t realize was that my using heroin to take away the pain was causing me even more pain. I came home one day and the locks were changed.

Eventually, in March 2016 I found my way back to HUM. I didn’t talk to other people when I came here; just the people who came in with me. We made a pact to be here for the year. Since I have been here, I’ve been dealing with my anger and changing my heart.

When the euphoria of getting high was gone, I became a very, very, very angry individual. I was angry at myself, angry at the world, and angry at the dude that took my wife from me. In my second week here, I was going to leave, but my Father [God] sent my Treatment Coordinator to come talk to me. I told him, “It’s my birthday and I don’t want to feel what I feel. The only way that I know how to deal with it is to get high.” He suggested I talk to the Director of Spiritual Life about my anger. I was looking for the quick fix – I thought he would give me a verse or a book to go read, but it wasn’t that simple. He gave me a bunch of reflective assignments. Every time I was in the recovery process, I thought it was about changing my thinking. But for me, it wasn’t about changing my thinking, but about changing my heart. And everything else will follow.

Now, I’m staying at HUM; I’m working on getting my high school diploma and I’m responsible for the housekeeping in three buildings. I’m working on other things, like vulnerability. I don’t have a problem being vulnerable to the Father because I know he is not going to hurt me and has my best interests; my problem is being vulnerable with people. Learn to distinguish which people who have your best interest at heart. The people at HUM have my best interest at heart. But I resist it; I don’t want you to know that I have any vulnerability in me. I don’t want you to know that I have the fillling of a Twinkie in me. Sometimes there’s a time to be angry, but I just don’t want to be angry anymore.

I don’t know what’s next for me; I just go where my Father tells me to go and do what He tells me to do.

Here’s a WBAL news segment that featured Anthony early in his time at HUM:

You may have heard about Mark Ramiro in the news. Late one night in July 2014, he was with several friends – all high on drugs. They were filming stunts in the basement of his South Baltimore home, until things went fatally awry. Mark’s friend of 15 years, Darnell Mitchell, strapped on a bulletproof vest and asked to be shot in the chest. But Mark aimed inches too high, and the bullet hit Darnell just above the vest. Mark rushed his friend to the hospital, but it was too late.  

Mark came to Helping Up Mission in June 2015. He had already successfully participated in several short-term recovery programs, but he was still awaiting sentencing, and constantly wrestling with the trauma and shame of what he had done. In March 2016, Mark Ramiro was sentenced to 4 years – but he went to prison with 9 months’ clean time and, more importantly, a new perspective on his past and his future. Our chaplain, Vic King, spoke with Mark in jail.

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Both my parents worked all the time to put food on the table, so I was pretty much on my own with my friends. I didn’t really know who I was, because I looked Filipino, but I talked and carried myself more as a West-Baltimore American. I just went with the flow. I started experimenting with alcohol and weed in middle school, and by 9th grade I was a real heavy weed smoker.

When I was 21, I went to art school in PA and got a degree in fashion marketing. I was making and selling t-shirts, doing tattoos, and filming music videos for local rap artists. But I started using pills – Percocets, Oxys, Opanas, Benzos – and it started affecting my whole character. And that led to my friend’s death.

You came to HUM on house arrest. What was it like at first?

Well, I broke the record for the longest restriction in Helping Up history (laughs) – it was either HUM or going to jail. So when I first got there I was upset; I didn’t want to be there. But I found Pastor Gary and Mike Rallo interesting. Pastor Gary would make me write the character quality of the week on the board every morning, because of my artistic skills.

I got real close to different guys. Mike is the security guy at the 23 desk, and they put me there for work therapy. We didn’t talk much at first. But he’s a giver, always helping other guys, and I would just observe him. Then we started talking. He trusted me for some reason, and that meant a lot to me. He could tell when I was going through stuff.

What aspect of HUM’s program helped you the most?

For me, I liked the spirituality – reading the Bible, praying, talking, meditating. A lot of times I would slip into the chapel, and sit in the corner where nobody could see me, and just think.

So how has God helped you in the midst of all this mess?

He’s helped me in trying to forgive myself, helped me not blame other people for my own screw-ups, helped me be open with other people, to talk with people. A lot of times in my life, I was antisocial. Maybe it was my character or maybe it was due to my drug addiction, I don’t know. But I try to follow what I’ve seen.

Before your sentencing, you were able to meet with your friend Darnell’s family. What was that like?

It was emotional, but it was good. It broke the ice. They were upset at me, which they have every right to be. I can’t be mad at that. For what I did, they were upset, but they were open, and they were forgiving. They hugged me a bunch of times. They told me how it hurt them, how it affected them. I apologized – words can’t express how sorry I am.

Describe your transition from HUM to prison.

Court was nerve-wracking. You pray for the best and expect the worst. I got nine years with five suspended. God works in mysterious ways, and I think he prepared me for that. Nobody wants to go to jail. I don’t care who you are, this place is not for anybody.

It was different from 2014 when I came here; it just felt different. I’m happy. Not to say I’m happy to be here, but I’m cool. I know this is temporary. I don’t know what the Big Man’s plans are for me, but this is part of it. This was like the icing on the cake to set things straight. And I think this is Him testing me too… Is this kid going to turn his back on Me? Is he going to lose his faith? Is he going to give up?

I still pray, frequently. I was reading the Gospel of John this morning. I think my faith in God kept me together. ‘Cause if you knew me then, and if you know me now, you could tell. I’m in the system… and I’m cool. I know it’s temporary. Walking around with a chip on your shoulder is not going to help. At all.

What are your hopes for life after prison?

I’m going to get a job, stay sober. I’m going to continue to do my artwork – paint, draw, hopefully open a t-shirt business. I want to tell people my story – the mistakes, the drug addiction – and see if I can help someone.

What would you want people to take from your story?

Be yourself, be honest. Have faith… because you have to lean on something beyond yourself. If you put yourself first, and you think it’s all about you, then you’re already lost. Stay clean, stay drug-free. I know it’s cliché to say, but it doesn’t lead anywhere but jail or death. God didn’t give you the blessing of life to waste it and to get trashed every day. You weren’t put on this earth for that. I’m happy to wake up every day, open my eyes and breathe.

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Kody Jenkins, age 32, was raised in Carroll County. “I have always loved basketball,” says Kody. “I started playing when I was 5 years old and soon enrolled in community leagues.”

“When I was 12 years old, I started smoking weed and drinking. During my junior and senior year, I moved to acid and heroin and cocaine. I was still playing basketball. In my senior year, I was 3rd in Carroll County for most points scored. Scouts started talking to me and I had a promising college basketball career to look forward to.

Arrested for the first time

“When I was 17 years old, I was arrested for the first time. I was in and out of courtrooms. Right after high school, I had an assault charge. Three days later, I was arrested on major drug charges. They gave me a nine year sentence of which I served about five years.

“After I got out of prison, I knew I still had the basketball talent but I saw the opportunity slipping way from me. I was in and out of rehabs and kept telling myself I would try to play basketball when I got the oppurtunity. Over the next 5 years, I was incarcerated 4 more times and went to rehabs 6 times.

“I didn’t have any relationship with my family during those years. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror let alone be around my family the way that I was. Because of my actions, I hurt family members very badly. I knew I had really messed up and that hurt even more badly than the prison time.

“I got to the point where I had no control over myself or my addiction. If I didn’t get help I would eventually start robbing stores or doing other things I didn’t want to do. I knew it was time to get help. I had heard about Helping Up Mission in the past and decided that it was time to give it a try.

Life was always on the run

“Before I came to the Mission, life was always on the run. I don’t remember ever enjoying life. After I had been at the Mission for a while, I noticed that I was starting to have fun. We went on a retreat to Camp Wabanna. I woke up early so I could catch the sunrise – it was serene. As I started to come to peace with myself, the dream of playing college basketball was reborn.

“My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. When I heard the news, I realized I needed to be able to face him before he died and apologize for that pain I had caused. I had forgiven myself and I knew he had too but I needed to go to him. I visited him and we had a long talk – that was the start of our reconciliation.

Back on my Feet

“My Dad’s diagnosis gave me the motivation to start pursuing my dream of college basketball. I started working out and joined Helping Up Mission’s running team through Back On My Feet.

“I started talking to John, a HUM volunteer who works for Maryland Economic Opportunity Center – an organization that assists individuals in obtaining grants. He knew that I didn’t know how to get started. He helped me fill out the applications and helped me connect with the basketball coach at CCBC Dundalk.

“The coach invited me to attend an open house and try out. When I met the coach, I told him that I had a rough past and things were hard in my 20’s but I was there now. I told him that I wanted an education and I had been waiting for this opportunity for 14 years. He told me that everyone deserves a second chance and that they had a place for me on the team.

“Once I was accepted, I started preparing for college! I enrolled in a summer class to get me prepped for school. I also took advantage of the tutoring services at the Mission to prepare me for my placement classes. Having a tutor allowed me to pass the test and avoid two non-credit classes.

“Running with Back On My Feet prepared me to play basketball again.”

“Running with Back On My Feet prepared me to play basketball again. They taught me discipline through getting up and running every morning. Running helped me to improve my speed.

“I love playing basketball! I’ve been playing in the games and doing really well. It’s a dream come true to finally be playing college basketball.

“Helping Up Mission is a blessing! The Spiritual Recovery Program is set up in a wonderful way. I came to the Mission with a lot of pain. The first 45 days of the program when I was on restriction and unable to leave the building gave me time to stay still and get my head right. Having memory work in Pastor Gary’s class was important to help me start thinking again.

“Having access to counseling at the Mission was critical. The counselors helped guide me through the time with my Dad. They always pointed me back to my relationship with God.

“Helping Up Mission has everything you need to change you life but it’s not going to fall in your lap. At the Mission, I realized that I needed to seize those opportunities. They give you anything you need to change your life!

 

Elroy Hutcherson was born in Virginia and raised in West Baltimore.  “My family has always been a church family,” says Elroy.  “My four siblings and I were raised in the church.

“My dad and uncles drank.  Even though it wasn’t out of control, it was something that I noticed as a child.  When I was 16, I started smoking cigarettes and drinking beer with my buddies.

“My main motivation for drinking was fear.  I wasn’t used to hanging out with the guys.  I desperately wanted to fit in and be cool with them.  Drinking built my courage up and made me feel comfortable so that I could be more outgoing.   Eventually I started smoking marijuana as well.

“I was going to school during the day and working full time at a restaurant in the evenings.  I dropped out of school because it was just too much to try to balance both.  My grades had been suffering because of 
my schedule.

“At the age of 18, my son was born.  Drinking and smoking was a daily thing for me – every day after work.

“I met a woman and we started dating.  I moved in with her in the projects in Lexington Terrace.  She eventually became my wife.  I got a better job and started working for an insurance company.  Things were going well at first, but my drinking and drug use started to interfere with my work.  They could see what was going on.

“The company had a policy that would allow them to pay for my rehab if I was interested.  They sat me down and talked to me about it and I told them I wanted to go – I knew I had a problem.  The company flew me to a 30 day program in North Carolina in 1989.  I learned so much and stayed clean.  Being in a new environment and around new people was amazing!  I was ready to change and I felt great.

“After I completed the program, my wife and her mother picked me up at the airport.  I could smell the alcohol on them and my mind started racing.  When we arrived home, they had a surprise party waiting for me.  My mind told me to stay strong but I was overwhelmed by temptation amidst the emotions of seeing all my friends and all of the alcohol.  I gave in – after that first drink, I was back.

“I was able to keep my job.  They wanted me to go to 3 or 4 AA meetings a week.  I went, but the denial was there.  After 5 years, the company moved and I had to take severance pay.  Finding a decent job was hard because I didn’t have my high school diploma.  I started working with a healthcare union as a housekeeper.  I was there for about 9 years before I had a work accident and broke my foot on the job.  By the time my foot was completely healed, the position was no longer there.  So, I hired a lawyer and won the case.

“By then, my wife and I had split up and I was living with a new girlfriend.  In 2006, after 8 years together, my girlfriend died.  She passed away right beside me in bed one morning.  At this time, I still wasn’t working and I was suddenly in this big house all alone.  Then, I received the big lump sum from the accident and the partying started.  I had all this money and a big house to party in.  I was inviting friends over and partying became a daily thing.  I was trying to cover the sorrow and loss.  But, it wasn’t long before the bills started piling up and the money started to run out.  I couldn’t take it anymore so I turned the house over to my girlfriend’s grandkids.

“I moved in with my sister and lived there for the next 3 or 4 years but I wasn’t feeling comfortable.  In 2010, I decided that it was time to make a change.  I was 50 years old and sitting on the couch – it wasn’t working mentally or physically.

“My sister helped me find the Johns Hopkins 911 Broadway Program.  It is a recovery program and Helping Up Mission provides lodging for the men enrolled in that program.  As I lived at HUM, I met a lot of men enrolled in their residential Spiritual Recovery Program.  I loved what they have to offer, particularly in regards to education.   I started preparing to transfer into the program after I completed the Hopkins program.  But, in my fifth month in the Hopkins program, I relapsed.

“Eventually, I came back and enrolled in HUM’s Spiritual Recovery Program.  I wanted to stay clean.  I wanted to get my diploma. I earned my high school diploma after a year.  That felt wonderful. I started working in the Mission’s Innovative Learning Center for my work therapy assignment afterwards.  I was giving back to the place that had given to me – that felt so good!

“I started working at Johns Hopkins through a temp agency. I am now getting ready to become a full-time Hopkins employee as a Material Coordinator. I stock materials in the operating room that doctors and nurses use to save lives. It’s overwhelming to be a part of that.

“I know my diploma helped me get my job. I help others get their diplomas because I hope it will open doors for them like it has for me.

“I am able to face challenges today.  Life isn’t all peaches and cream but I don’t have to hide from things like I did for so long.  I am thankful to have found Helping Up Mission!”

Darius Tabrizi was born and raised in Israel. “My mother’s family originated from Israel and my father’s family is from Iran,” says Darius. “I have a twin brother and younger sister.”

“My father came to the US to start a better life for us. We were not able to come right away because we weren’t able to leave during the war. In 1991, the Gulf War ended and my mother brought us here. I was 11 years old. I didn’t speak English when I came here – only Hebrew and Arabic. Baltimore was very different than our small town facing the Mediterranean. I was beat up within my first two weeks here.

“At the age of 14, I was introduced to marijuana and alcohol by boys in the neighborhood. My mind had always been racing and wondering what people thought of me. When I drank, it numbed that and I felt accepted.

“I had gotten into trouble for fighting in Israel and that continued at my public school in Baltimore. I was expelled from two middle schools and three different high schools for fighting. I got my GED through the Youth Corps program.

“I joined the Navy in part to escape legal issues I was facing due to serious drug charges. After finishing boot camp, I was sent to Japan. For two years – I was a great sailor. I received several commendations and awards. My alcohol use was limited to social drinking.

“The War on Terror was under way and I started experiencing racial discrimination. I tried to blend in and said I was whatever ethnicity people thought I was. That really disturbed me and I started drinking heavily. I met a guy in Tokyo who introduced me to drugs – cocaine, crystal meth and ecstasy.   For the next year and a half, I was still in the Navy but began selling drugs on the side. When I had the best looking car on base and an apartment in town, it started to raise questions.

“Unknown to me, NCIS was doing an investigation on me for six months. Just months before I was done with my tour, I was arrested and thrown in a Japanese prison. NCIS pulled me out and took me to a marine corps brig in Japan. I was there for three months – after two months, I was put into solitary confinement for fighting with a corrections officer. My JAG lawyer met with me and I was given an other than honorable discharge and was released.

“I arrived back in Baltimore broken in every way. I was 23 years old and homeless. I came to Helping Up Mission as an overnight guest. For several years I was in a cycle of running the streets hard core and then coming to a homeless shelter for a week or so to regain my strength before going back out again.

“In 2010, I went to American Rescue Workers In South Baltimore. I was tired of my lifestyle and gave my life to Christ. Life started turning around for me. I got a job at McDonalds and started running with Back on My Feet. I joined an apprenticeship program and became a really good electrician and was hired by Hirsch Electric. For the first time ever, I had my own apartment. I started my own business and was going to night classes. I celebrate 4 years clean and sober.

“My life was going great and I had so much distance from my old life that I began to forget. I put everything ahead of my recovery – I stopped going to church and meetings. I got into a motorcycle accident and starting taking pain pills. It was a quick progression from pain pills to alcohol to street drugs. Within a year, I was homeless and had lost my business, girlfriend, truck, home and my savings.

“My father died of cancer in November of 2014. It was one of the worst years of my life. I spent Thanksgiving in a rental car out of gas off of the side of the road. I was estranged from my family and all alone.

“I ran into an old friend, Barry, who works at Helping Up Mission and he told me I needed to come back. I came to the Mission in December 2014 but left to deal with legal issues. I stayed sober for a few months but eventually relapsed.

“I came back to Helping Up Mission in the spring. This time I’m doing things differently. I’m not cocky like I was before and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

“My mom sells mushrooms at the Sunday farmer’s market under the Jones Falls Expressway. She reached out to me to find out if HUM could use any vegetables for the market. Each week, I go to the farmer’s market to help my mom and then collect the leftover produce from all the vendors to bring to HUM.

“I’ve always loved my mom dearly. It feels great to be able to help her at the farmer’s market. There was a time where she thought I wouldn’t make it. Now she doesn’t have to worry about me.

“Helping Up Mission helped me reestablish my relationship with God, reaffirm my values and learn how to handle situations and personalities that conflict with my character. I lean more on God now. I am 100% serious about and committed to my recovery this time.

“Helping Up Mission is the best. I have been to every homeless shelter, recovery house and transitional house in Baltimore. HUM is the most genuine, caring and influential program I have found. They genuinely care about you and you can feel it. It’s not about filling a bed – it’s about your future.”

Kevin Hough, age 50, grew up in West Virginia, near Charles Town. “My father left when I was 3 years old,” says Kevin. “I have one brother who is four years younger than I.

“In the sixth grade I started experimenting with drugs – pills and marijuana. When I was in seventh grade, I quit school because I wanted to go to work and make money. I worked at the race track walking and galloping horses. It was at the track that I was introduced to cocaine which was a big deal in the ’80s.

“My aunt and uncle helped me to get a job locally. At 17, I started working in Reston, Virginia as a laborer for a construction company so that I could make more money. The man who owned the company would drive us there every day. We all used every day.

“I eventually became a carpenter helping to build houses. I was able to do that much closer to home.

“I met a lady and we got a place together. We were both smoking marijuana and drinking. I didn’t let her know about my cocaine use because I knew she wouldn’t like it.

“Eventually, my addiction took over and I lost my carpentry job. I had a hard time finding consistent work. I started using more and stealing to feed my habit.   The house was eventually foreclosed on.

“I went to jail for a year for cashing a bad check. Everything was gone at that point, including my girlfriend.

“After I got out of jail, my mother and brother let me stay to get straight but I messed that up. I was homeless for about a year. I stayed in churches overnight and wandered the streets bumming money for drinks during the day.

“My Aunt Cathy stepped in and told me I could do better for myself and encouraged me to get help. After I found out about Helping Up Mission, my family drove me to Baltimore.

“Once I joined HUM’s Spiritual Recovery Program, I was ready to get started! I realized that all that time, God had been leading me to a different path.

“I started attending Miss Carol’s weekly art class. I appreciated it because it gave me time to think. I also joined the choir. We were preparing to sing at the annual graduation banquet. It helped me because it allowed me to be myself.

“I used to run in High School. When I heard about Back On My Feet’s running team at the Mission, I knew I wanted to join. When I first started with the team, I couldn’t even run a mile. The first race that I completed was a 5k and now I am training to run the half marathon at the Baltimore Running Festival in October.

“When I arrived at HUM, my teeth were down to nubs because I used to grind them a lot. Through the Mission’s dental program, I was able to get a whole new set of teeth.

“I knew that I wanted to work on my education. When I first took the placement tests for the program to earn my High School Program, I couldn’t pass them. So, I started Adult Basic Education classes so that I could pass the placement tests. After passing the placement tests, I started studying and, in February of this year, I got my High School Diploma. Now, I have the confidence to have a conversation with someone and look them in the eyes.

“I started talking with HUM’s vocational coordinator about my future. He encouraged me to get a certification. I was able to get a grant and attend CCBC for a one-year heating and air conditioning certification program.   There were still some expenses left to cover and I was able to get a scholarship from Central Scholarship and Back on My Feet helped me with the cost of my books. I’m signed up to the Advanced Electricity Class and then will take Commercial Refrigeration.

“While I continue my education, I am living in HUM’s graduate transitional housing. It’s a great opportunity. There is no way I’d be able to focus on my education without it.

“If I didn’t make the decision to straighten up my life, I’d still be out on the corner somewhere wishing I had done something. Living straight and living right has really changed me. I used to worry a lot about what people thought. Now that I know who I really am, I am at ease with myself.”

Jerome Dorman, age 57, grew up on the Eastern Shore with his seven siblings. “I first tried alcohol at 8 years old,” says Jerome. “My parents would have company and leave drinks lying around. I decided to give them a try. I thought it was something cool to do.

“When I was 15 I started drinking beers with my buddies and eventually I started smoking marijuana as well. I dropped out of school when I was in the 10th grade. I wanted to be with the in crowd and just wasn’t interested in school at that time. I had been a good student but I was bored.

“There was a lot of field work on the Eastern Shore – hauling and picking watermelons. I was always able to get a job.

“My addiction started to really escalate when I was 18 years old. I was living with my grandparents. They sort of knew that I was using but never said anything to me about it.

“When I was 20, I started smoking coke to try to fit in with the in crowd and by 21 I was shooting dope. I had an uncle that shot dope and I had always wanted to try it. My drug use just increased from there. I was using drugs all day, every day. I got to the point where I couldn’t keep jobs. I’d lose one job and move on to the next.

“I was arrested several times for assault and paraphernalia charges.   I went to jail for the first time at 18 years old and by the time I was 39, I had spent over 10 years in jail.

“I met a woman and we had a son together. Becoming a father brought me in from the streets. I was still getting high but I wasn’t hanging out in the streets as much. She eventually got tired of my drug use and having me in jail and, after 8 years together, we broke up.

“I moved back in with my grandparents. I was smoking coke all of the time. I had a lot of friends that sold coke and they always kept me supplied.

“My grandparents both died within a short amount of time. This really upset me and I went off on a big binge. They left the house to me and my siblings. One of my brothers and one of my sisters were living in the house with me and they were both using drugs. I went to jail for 8 months for a parole. When I got out, I came home and the house had been destroyed. They hadn’t taken care of anything while I was gone. The utilities hadn’t been paid and the water and electricity had been shut off.

“With nowhere to go, I was homeless. I slept under a bridge for a week. I knew that I wanted to make a change and needed help. I told myself that wasn’t how I was supposed to live. I went to the health department and they referred me to a 28 day rehab program at a state hospital. On the 27th day, I was talking to my counselor and told them that I still needed more help. I had been using drugs for 40 years and needed more than 28 days. I didn’t have anywhere to go that would be healthy for me.

“My counselor called around the Eastern Shore but couldn’t find an available bed for me. The only place that I could find was Helping Up Mission in Baltimore. I was reluctant to come because I am a country boy and didn’t know how I felt about going to the city. She told me to take the day and think about it. I decided to give it a try and they drove me to the Mission from the Eastern Shore.

“When I arrived at the Mission, I settled in very easily. I already had 28 days of clean time when I arrived so I was used to recovery at that point. I started watching the guys that had been here for a while and I realized that this place would be alright.

“When I arrived at HUM, all of my teeth were gone due to drug use. I found out about the Mission’s dental program and was able to get a new set of teeth.

“After being at HUM for a month and a half, I started working towards earning my high school diploma. On May 22, 2011, I earned my high school diploma! After getting it, I was so excited that I decided to keep going and go to college. I watched 3 of my HUM friends who were enrolled at Sojourner Douglass College and they inspired me. I wanted to become the first member of my family to graduate from college.

“I enrolled at Sojourner Douglass and got set up with some grants. Living in transitional housing at HUM has allowed me to focus on my education. I am studying to become an addictions counselor so that I can help others that have struggled like me.

“I plan on going back to the Eastern Shore because I know there are a lot of people there who are struggling with addiction. There are a lot of guys I grew up with that are still out there doing the same things I was doing 4 or 5 years ago. I hope they see me and the transformation I have made, I hope I can influence them to change their lives.

“HUM is an amazing place. It has really helped me and taught me a lot. You won’t find another place like this for recovery. If anyone out there needs to go somewhere for recovery, I suggest they come to Helping Up Mission. Even on my worst days, my brothers here lift me up.”

Terrance McBride, age 47, grew up in Baltimore, MD. “My parents were divorced,” says Terrance. “My Mom raised my sister and I by herself. She struggled but did the best that she could. When I was 16 years old, she decided that she was done raising kids and sent us to live with our father.

“My Dad and his girlfriend were both alcoholics. They lived in an urban neighborhood very different from the neighborhood I had grown up in. I had never been in that type of environment before and felt like a fish out of water.   As part of my attempt to fit in, I tried alcohol and marijuana… and eventually cocaine and heroin.

“I ended up mostly drinking and smoking marijuana. I didn’t think I had a problem. I kept mostly to myself because the drug usage and violence in the neighborhood were intimidating to me.

“After 2 years, there was an incident with some of the guys I was hanging out with. My Mom brought me back to Virginia to finish school. There was a neighborhood lady there who used to take me to church. That’s when I was introduced to Christ. I was baptized and became a member of the church.

“After graduation, I moved back to Baltimore and lived with my Grandmother. We got along well and she was my rock. I started going through my loneliest periods. I didn’t realize how introverted I was becoming because of my marijuana use and I suffered through a long season of depression.

“In 1995, I tried to kill myself for the first time after a rough break up. I got through it but I was never treating the depression – just going through the motions. Marijuana became a medication for me. As long as I was high, I could deal with my demons but I wasn’t able to function sober. I was working but I had no social life. I rarely went outside except to get marijuana and cigarettes– some days I would play video games all day long. Life was a struggle for me. I would wake up irritated that I was alive and had made it through the night.

“In 2001, I started working at the Starbucks inside BWI airport. I loved it and started interacting with the customers while I was working. After a year, I was given the opportunity to transfer to a new Starbucks inside of a downtown hotel. I was there for 5 years and was given the opportunity to supervise a location.

“I had gotten my own place and was doing well on the surface. But, my marijuana use and my mood swings were increasing. I was overwhelmed by depression and loneliness and eventually lost my dream job. I was on very shaky ground and started contemplating suicide again.

“In November 2012, my Grandmother passed away. I was angry because I felt like she left me. I never was able to get back any sense of footing.

“I was looking for jobs unsuccessfully. I didn’t have anywhere to live so I moved in with my Aunt. She was dealing with depression herself and our relationship struggled. One day, in the height of my struggles, I tried to strangle myself. I was unsuccessful and ended up calling the suicide hotline.

“I was hospitalized for 6 days. While I was there, my Aunt called to tell me that I would need to find somewhere else to live. I had no idea where to go and decided that I would kill myself after I was released from the hospital. I started thinking about how I was going to do it. I didn’t have any money so I wasn’t smoking marijuana. I was in a deep depression and didn’t see any hope for my future.

“A psychiatrist at the hospital told me they were trying to find a place for me to go. He told me about Helping Up Mission. I was unsure of what to expect but even the prospect of a place to go started to relieve some of the weight on my shoulders.

“I didn’t realize till I arrived at the Mission that the program was a spiritual program. I was so excited to learn of this unexpected blessing. I felt right at home and knew that I would be able to do it! I was very comfortable talking with the pastors on staff and could see that this was a brotherhood.

“I got into counseling and started getting things off of my chest. I learned techniques that enable me to get through bad moments. I started reading the Bible. Little by little, life became easier.

“I’ve really experienced a total transformation. I don’t expect that life will be a picnic in the future. I realize that even after I graduate from the Spiritual Recovery Program I will face challenges but I know that I’m making good decisions now.

“My worst days are gone. If I’m ever feeling down, I know how to deal with it. My counseling appointments are so helpful. I now have the tools to deal with my depression and bad feelings. I don’t have to smoke marijuana and play video games to escape anymore.

“I am studying and reading books and thinking about becoming a behavioral counselor. I enjoy interacting with the guys at the Mission and letting them know they are going to be okay. I see myself in the guys who have newly entered the program.

“I’m involved in work therapy here at the Mission and I set little goals. I set a goal to become an HUM intern and I’m now an intern in the rec room. I’m having more fun sober than I did on my best day while I getting high. I relate much better socially now. I spend time with my Aunt and Uncle – they are very supportive of my journey here.”