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April 2020 Feature Story – Patrick C.

Years of gradual drinking finally caught up to Patrick and when he had nowhere left to turn, he came to Helping Up Mission (HUM).  Because of your generous donations, Patrick has grown spiritually, learned new life skills, and gotten out of his comfort zone.

Patrick, 32, was born in Catonsville, MD, and raised on a cul-de-sac in Howard County’s Ellicott City, MD. His parents separated and divorced when he was eight years old, spending weekends with his dad and the school week with his mom.

For Patrick, drinking was so gradual that there never was an “aha moment,” where he recognized his growing addiction.  During high school, Patrick would often attend parties and drink to fit in. After graduation, “I took two years off from school but decided to go back because that’s what all of my friends were doing. I enrolled at Community College of Baltimore County (CCBC), but all my friends went to a different college. I would go to class and I would immediately start thinking about where the party was. Why was I sitting in class?” Patrick began missing classes, and as they added up, he dropped out of CCBC.

During this time Patrick acquired a job as a bartender. “At first I was a bar back. They put me in charge of carrying and stocking all the beer and liquor. Since I oversaw inventory, I would take sips out of bottles, restock them and count them as full. Soon I was coming into work hungover and drunk, and my coworkers noticed.

As his drinking progressed to full-blown alcoholism, Patrick was kicked out of his then girlfriends house and after looking for places to stay, ended up in a hotel.  “I couldn’t find anything in my price range that would allow me to continue drinking. Sitting in my hotel room, fearing that my money would eventually run out. I didn’t know what I was going to do so I reached out to my parents and a few friends. Everyone was baffled as to what to do. They always say reach out for support, but no one was ready for it.

My father’s friend Marty finally stepped up and took me to Bayview Hospital for detox. He told my father that I was trying to change my life and he (my dad) needed to step up. So, my father picks me up from the hospital, takes me out for breakfast, and then drives me to HUM. The first week was hell. I got emotional, hid in a bathroom stall, and cried. I realized that I did have a bad problem, but I was in a place where I could finally take care of some things.

The first couple of months at HUM were great. Everything is taken care of for you. You don’t have to worry about anything, except for going to appointments, class, and work therapy.  You are here for yourself.  Before HUM, when I would deal with stressful situations, I could drink. Now I take a second, process the situation, and then deal with them. I’ve learned patience, which has helped me in my relationships. My dad and stepmom both said they were happy for me to become a productive member of society. I used to take offense to that, I thought a bartender does exactly that, he gives people what they want. But I now see where they are coming from and look forward to living the “American Dream.”

The program helped me spiritually through the classes.  I’m not necessarily a Bible guy, but I have always believed in a higher power. My grandmother taught us about the bible, but the classes taught me to see things from a different perspective. Everyone wants to be a good productive person, but unless they think about it differently, they are thinking about it like an addict or alcoholic. Through the program, I have also taken part in the choir, equine therapy, and attended weekend outings at Camp Wabanna. It was nice to just get away for the weekend and have a break from the daily structure at HUM.

Patrick’s final work therapy assignment was with HUM’s IT department. “I have always wondered how things work and the thought processes associated with technology. As an intern in the IT department, I take care of all the electronics, computers, scanners, and help solve problems when something goes down. Recently, I started putting out my application and accepted an IT position at a company in Tampa, Florida. After graduation, I will spend a week with my father and then move down to Florida with my mother and start my new job.

Thanks to generous contributions from people like you, Patrick has gotten out of his comfort zone.  I realize that life-transformation is never too late. At HUM, you can find the drive to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You must make decisions that will benefit you and help you get there.  So, if you do hit rock bottom, and have nowhere left to turn, come to Helping Up Mission. You will not be by yourself. Getting out of your comfort zone is one of the most vital things you can do for your recovery. Because if you go back into your comfort zone, you’re never going to change!

Because of your generous contributions, Brian (age 41) has focused on his recovery and learned to ask questions. Brian was raised in Pasadena, MD and had a good childhood. “I came from a middle-class family. I never wanted for anything. My parents divorced before I was two and my stepfather became my dad, while my father bounced in and out. He was a holiday father, only visiting on Christmases and birthdays. I knew that I wasn’t the reason for his actions, so I don’t let it affect me. I grew up in a very strict environment. I did what I was told, when I was told. It wasn’t an ask why kind of household,” recalls Brian.

Drugs and alcohol were introduced to Brian’s life at age 12. “I began using psychedelic drugs like ecstasy and acid at an early age. But I didn’t realize that I had a problem until my thirties. In my twenties, I was a Union sheet metal worker. I could party, go to work, and go to school while using drugs. I never ‘had a problem’ until I met opiates. Once I did everything spiraled downhill.”

“When I was in my 20’s and early 30’s I was shy to an extent. I would stay in the house and only come out when needed. When I met opiates that changed. I ventured out of the house. I wanted to talk. I started hanging out on the streets, and once I did that, I became a part of the street life.”

Eventually jobs became harder to hold on to. One day Brian got hurt on a job and ended up going to pain management. “I figured out how easy it was to obtain large amounts of opiates. I went from two cars, a house and motorcycles to losing everything. Soon I was living in tents and abandoned homes. And by the grace of something I’m still here.”

Brian attended and completed a six-month program on his own free will. “After months of sobriety, I was walking down 25th and Maryland Avenue and the crack dealer said ‘testers’. At first, I kept walking. But then I thought ok. I could do this.” Shortly thereafter Brian was once again, living on the streets panhandling in West Baltimore.

Eventually an ‘Old Friend’ found Brian and told him that he was going to Helping Up Mission (HUM). Brian responded, “Really? You’re going to that place on Baltimore Street? He said, “just come with me man”, at first, I said, “no”. Yet, when I pulled up out front of HUM, it wasn’t anything like what I had in mind. And it was January and it was cold.”

“At HUM I had a question for everything. When I was a child we only went to church on Christmas and Easter. I never was religious. But the Spiritual Life staff has been open to my goofy questions. My beliefs have been opened. I want to learn more about religion, but I want to learn about all aspects of it – the good and the bad.

For the most part, Brian acknowledges that his work therapy assignments have had right timing. “I chose to come here, to fully work and focus on myself. I didn’t come here to get my kids back, for a good girlfriend, or a good job. At first, I cleaned toilets, and then I was a peacekeeper at the 23 desk. The 23 desk is a focal point of the building dealing with 400 different personalities (as they check in and out). It taught me patience. Finally, I started working in the Treatment office, where I ask a lot of questions and talk a lot with the men. I get to help people daily.”

On relationships, Brian has reached out to his father. He is also rebuilding the relationship with his mother. “Recently, I got a phone call from her, stopped by the house and when I was getting ready to leave, she asked if I would come by the next day. But family doesn’t have to be blood. My daughter’s mother has been there for me this whole year. We can relate. The other day I texted my daughter that I only had two weeks until graduation and she said, “I know. I am proud of you.” And that brought me to tears. So, through me being selfish in my recovery, I have earned back respect and relationships. I’m not perfect, but I am living reasonably happy. Now, I plan on doing the next right thing.”

“After graduation I’m going back to work and possibly taking the steps to become a part time Peer Recovery Specialist. I plan on getting my alumni badge and coming back here, to keep asking questions. I have a newly discovered passion for helping people. Now, I love talking to people.”

“To the donors, you ladies and gentlemen are truly a blessing, because of your blessings HUM gives so much opportunity and Hope.”

Because of your generosity, Arthur Friday (age 37), has another chance to recover from addiction! Arthur was born in Baltimore, the oldest son of ten kids. Arthur’s life changed at age 9 when his father passed away, leaving the family reeling from the sudden loss. His mother, struggling with active addiction, was left with the daunting task of raising ten kids as a single parent.  “We were hungry, not going to school, down and dirty. My oldest sister “dumpster dove” to feed us.  Shortly thereafter, our conditions were reported to Social Services and all ten of us were placed in various stages of foster homes, group homes, and institutions,” recalls Arthur.

The oldest children, including Arthur, were placed in the KIVA House, a group home for 11 to 17 year olds in Arnold, MD. Arthur attended Severna Park High School, where he was a three-sport athlete playing football, basketball, and track. It was during this time that Arthur began drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana to have fun. Arthur admits, “Alcohol was my “trigger,” drinking was my gateway to other drugs.” His addiction progressed from there. Having graduated high school and attending Montgomery College to play football, “having fun” changed to owing people money for the cocaine he started using.

At age 23, Arthur returned to Baltimore and started living with his mother, then clean from her own addiction (she now has 18 years of sobriety). “My unmanageability was growing. I started lacing marijuana with cocaine. I wanted more and more and the cravings grew. I also started smoking crack cocaine. Within 30 days, I lost everything – my job, respect, money, and my responsibilities.”

“My mother’s boyfriend had been a HUM client and told me that HUM ‘would be a great place for help.’ In 2009, I came to HUM for the first time, but I stayed just 45 days.”

“I came back to HUM in 2011, this time as a member of the Johns Hopkins 9-1-1 program. I graduated from the program, but I was not done using drugs…I relapsed. In 2017, I spent nine months at the Mission. But I was selfish and moved in with my girlfriend. I eventually ended up at the Salvation Army, where I graduated from their six-month program. They offered me 3 different jobs, but I turned them all down. The same scenario unfolded, and I got selfish and relapsed again. Finally, six months ago I walked through the familiar doors of Helping Up Mission, hopefully for the last time.”

“The Spiritual Recovery Program (SRP) leaders gave me another chance. The staff at HUM have tremendous faith and will not give up on a person. They recognize addiction as a lifelong disease, and all that you have to do is apply the tools that they freely give you. The  program has provided me with mental health counselors who help me open up about the real issues that got me here.”

“My Treatment Coordinator Steven Gallop, a HUM graduate and staff member has helped guide my recovery. I’ve spent countless hours in the HUM gym, getting healthy again. Donors have provided all of the clothing and personal care products that I need. When it comes down to it, living at HUM means having all of your physical needs met so that you can pursue your spiritual needs.”

Psalms 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

“My favorite quote from the bible is from Psalms 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Now when I have a choice, I choose God.”

“The SRP has provided me with the life skills necessary to look forward to graduation. I want to use these skills in the field of recovery by becoming a Peer Recovery Specialist. I plan on taking the classes that our Workforce Development Program provides in order to help the men who like me, are struggling with this lifelong disease.”

Thanks to YOU and countless other donors and volunteers, Arthur and 540 other men and women have the chance each day to break the cycle of addiction and homelessness.  You are saving and transforming lives through your compassion and generosity!

Allen, 39, was born at St. Joseph’s hospital in Towson, Maryland and raised in Edgewood, Maryland.  Allen had a “normal childhood”, playing sports and music.  He had his first drink at age 16 and immediately felt horrible. But that didn’t stop Allen, and he continued to drink for the next 22 years. “I just kept drinking, every day, and did not stop until I was 38.”

He viewed alcohol as a ‘social lubricant.’ “I had always been an introvert, but when I started drinking, I became very extroverted.  With alcohol, I became the opposite of my normal self, and I didn’t care what people thought of me.”

Ten years into Allen’s heavy drinking, he realized that he had a problem. “I always knew that I had become an alcoholic, but I didn’t care.  I enjoyed drinking too much and I was not going to stop. Everything was about drinking. Despite my drinking, I managed to keep jobs, because I had a strong work ethic. But I didn’t want to do anything else, unless it involved alcohol.” At some point, Allen turned toward isolation, “I just wanted to be alone and drink. I didn’t even want to hang out with my wife.”

Allen eventually lost his job, and then started a destructive cycle of drinking and passing out.  “My wife couldn’t bear it anymore. She told me that she was going to leave, but I kept drinking all day, every day. I don’t remember most of the last three months before I came to Helping Up Mission (HUM) in August 2018. It was a three-month blackout of complete inebriation.”

Allen hit “rock bottom” one morning, when he came out of a blackout and felt different.  “These weren’t the normal shakes associated with withdrawal. I could feel it in my legs and in the back of my head.  The alcoholic in me said ‘go to the liquor store.’ I tried, but I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t control the steering wheel. I blacked out again and crashed my car. It was in a ditch completely crushed. I had no injuries, not even a scratch. I woke up on a stretcher and didn’t even know what had happened!”

“I detoxed at a hospital and it was rough. I don’t remember much of my hospital experience, except that people had to help me stand and even use the bathroom. I completed my detox, went home, and after two days I drank again. I knew it was insane. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I came to HUM.”

For a long time, Allen didn’t know the real reason he came to HUM until he was reminded by his mother the day he graduated from our one-year Spiritual Recovery Program (SRP). “My mother suggested that I should thank the two guys that told me about HUM. I had no idea what she was talking about… She then reminded me that two Peer Recovery Specialists at the Upper Chesapeake Medical Hospital in Belair were the reason I made it to HUM.”

When Allen arrived at HUM, his first thoughts were “How do I get out of here and drink?” A few weeks later he heard “a voice” in the back of his head say, “stay here a little while longer.” “Every day, every week that went by, I was a little happier to stay at HUM. And then I realized that I needed to do this for myself. Drinking is not what I want at all. I don’t want to die. And I have to start doing something different to combat this compulsion that I have to drink, and say NO to it.”

One thing that really helped Allen during his year in the SRP was being in a community of 500 men. “We all understand this disease and we all suffer from it. Although we’ve worked hard to manage the problem, the problem is still there. We need to be aware, to control our actions.”

Allen also drew closer to GOD while at HUM.  “I always believed in God, but I never talked to Him like I do now. One night I said to God, ‘if You can help take some of my anxiety away, I will keep my eyes open and look for You.’ After adopting this approach, my anxiety lessened, and I started to sleep like a normal human being. Ever since I started talking to God, things have changed for the better.”

After 15 months at HUM, Allen was ready and to return home with his parents and finish his college degree. “I am excited about the process of going to school and doing something different!”

Allen plans to stay connected to HUM. “HUM gives men the opportunity to change, which I greatly appreciate, because HUM saved my life. I plan on coming back to volunteer and do whatever I can to help. I want to still be a part of this program, because this place means a lot to people that have nowhere else to go for help.”

Valeriy, 31, grew up in Nakhodka, a small seaside town in the Russian Far East. At age 7, his family emigrated to the United States, settling in Pennsylvania.  Coming from a close-knit community of people trying to get by, Valeriy was shaped by Russian culture in a positive way. However, adjustments from his upheaval at a young age contributed to stress and anxiety and without the proper coping skills to navigate his new way of life here in America.

At age 9, Valeriy planned to play basketball with friends after school. Unknowingly, at the same time, his father finished work early and wanted to spend some quality time with Valeriy, playing tennis. The misunderstanding led to his father, in a rage, beating him severely. Valeriy recalls, “This moment revealed my father’s abandonment issues and shaped my codependency. I didn’t want to get the crap beaten out of me again.”

“In high school I began playing soccer, which shaped my self-discipline. Due to “peer pressure” and in order to “fit in”, I started smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol.  While initially able to maintain classes and relationships, things got out of hand in college. I lived by myself, living off a bag of potato chips and marijuana. I figured that if I had those two things, why would I need anything else?”

After college, Valeriy got married and fathered a son. “We were so young and immature, we didn’t know how to communicate.  Marijuana gave me a fake euphoria; my culture made my identity as a father permanent.  My family didn’t believe in divorce. Eventually we separated and regardless of my father’s actions, my upbringing taught me how to be a father.

“I thought I could achieve more through drug use, but I developed paranoia, lost my ability to control my emotions, and people began manipulating me. Eventually, my actions were going to lead me to lose custody of my son.”  A moment of God’s grace.  “I was planning on going to my son’s Taekwondo belt ceremony. The night before, I thought that I would stay up all night on crystal meth, but fell asleep, and woke up right before the ceremony. Upon arrival, I was asked if I was high on drugs. My custody was at stake and I was tired of lying. I was sick. My spirit and happiness were gone. In order to enjoy my time with my son, I thought I had to be on drugs.

After I confessed, my ex-wife told me about Helping Up Mission, saying her ex-boyfriend had spent almost a year there. I interviewed for the recovery program but was told I needed to “detox” from the drugs before entering the program.  I stayed at my ex’s house for a week and returned to the mission in peace. I was raised Christian, so I view it like Daniel having peace in the lion’s den.”

“It wasn’t always easy. I didn’t see my son for the first six months, and dealing with being in the city can be difficult. But I didn’t struggle with the density. I was able to go on Equine Therapy retreats to a horse farm and enjoyed hiking trips on the Appalachian Trail, where at the end of the day we could sit around the fire and help each other out. I joined “Back on my Feet”, and now I love the city of Baltimore and its architecture. I studied Landscape Architecture in college, and I love the city’s open spaces.

HUM’s one-year Spiritual Recovery Program has helped me on my spiritual journey.  The answers are all in the Bible, reading it first and then putting the lessons into practice. Before I came to HUM, I knew about Jesus, I just didn’t know Jesus. I was never vulnerable to Him.  Like Daniel, take my attention off my problems and turn my focus to God.  Unfortunately, some damage had been done because of my past, but I can now love without fear.

Valeriy recognizes that plans do change.  “My plans have changed six times since I came to HUM. At first, my recovery was for my son. Then I was going to stay for two months, six months, and then I was going to get a job. But working in Overnight Guest Services (OGS) has slowed me down and taught me humility.  I have learned, with respect, to see our guests as persons and not a persona. I show them love, humor, sensitivity, and compassion. This humility allows me to sit still and not worry about a job right now.

“I used to build furniture by hand, and soon I will finish my CNC training through the Jane Addams Resource Corporation (JARC). My dream is to one day combine these two skills, move back to Pennsylvania, and open a shop, so that I may provide for my son and meet his basic needs. And to be his father.”

“I would like to thank the donors, this is an opportunity that God puts in their hearts to give. Please do not be discouraged to give a guy the chance to affect his life. This is a huge investment in our future.”

Devin will be running for Team HUM at the 2019 Baltimore Running Festival (BRF). The journey that led him to this point was not always smooth, but his transformation enables him to maintain structure in his life. He runs to support all men and women struggling with addiction and homelessness.

Devin, 30, was born and raised in the Owings Mills neighborhood of Reisterstown, Maryland. “I was always athletic. I played football, basketball, baseball, and ran track. My father really got me into sports, he played baseball his whole life. I was good at all of them until I broke my femur playing football at age 12. It took me a while to heal, but I attended Mount Saint Joseph High School in Irvington and continued to play sports.”

“Everything was going well until my parents divorced when I was 18. I moved to Edmondson Village with my mother, which is when my active addiction began.  I started hanging out with my friends from Mt. St. Joseph and my mindset changed. I started thinking and reacting differently to life, and developed a sense of paranoia.  I had to look over my shoulder all of the time. I thought I had to be on point with my movements, the way I acted, the way I thought, and the way I talked. I was drinking, partying and doing illegal things.”

After high school, Devin briefly attended Delaware State University to play football. Unfortunately, he made some bad decisions during his first winter break and got locked up.  At the age of 19, he would spend a couple of months at the Baltimore City Detention Center. The case was ultimately non-processed, because Devin was “in the wrong place at the wrong time”.   “It messed my head up, I didn’t know how to deal with going back to the old neighborhood upon release.”

“I started drinking every day, hanging out with my friends, and partying.  I did this for the first decade of my adult life.. I became depressed—this  was not how I wanted to live. I could do better than this.  I have always had people say that I had all the potential in the world, I just didn’t know which route to take to make my life better and get out of the depression.”

“My mother gave me an ultimatum. She said, “Devin, you can either go to Helping Up Mission (HUM), or you can get out of my house forever.” My mother learned about HUM through my father’s sister who gets her hair done by a guy that does the Tuesday meetings in the rec room. I fought this weekly with excuses until I finally said okay. I’ll go. I surrender. And coming to HUM is the best choice that I ever made in my life.”

“HUM is a breath of fresh air. All of the negativity of the outside world went away, and I started adjusting to the daily structure of Mission life. Before I came in, I wasn’t too fond of people telling me what to do, but I learned to humble myself and began taking direction.”

The structure that aided Devin took new meaning when he started running again. “I was working out every day in the gym, but my stomach wasn’t going anywhere. I signed up with Back On My Feet, to begin a running program.  Getting up at 5:30am began to push me mentally, and when I started running I started realizing that I was capable of more than I thought. One mile became two, and three miles became four.  Running is a metaphor for recovery.  I have a network of people who will not let me quit. It is a great thing just to be able to do something with a group of people who want the same things out of life.”

“Today I work in Client Services.  I get to meet all of the new guys and help them get what they need, like health insurance. My mother always told me, “Devin, you are a rescuer, you have the heart to help the next man.” I truly bond with them and answer their questions. I love it.”

On October 19, Devin will be running in the half marathon at the BRF. He has been training hard and is ready to push himself to see how far he can go. “Representing Team HUM is an honor, and to be noticed means that I am doing the right things in my Mission life.”

After the BRF, Devin hopes to serve his country by joining the NAVY as a helicopter pilot. A year ago, structure was one of his sticking points. But today, structure is a necessary part of a balanced life. “HUM has shown me that you really can do anything that you want in life. You just have to apply yourself.”

“Before coming to HUM, I knew that there was a God out there, I just didn’t understand His way.

Today I pray every night before I go to bed, and every morning while I run. Coming to HUM saved my life, I’d probably be dead or in prison otherwise. The greater reward is worth the try.”

Paul P, 61, was born in Baltimore City. He was the youngest of four boys, raised in a family that liked to drink. “I remember my mother constantly, albeit gently, reminding my father to please not drink a lot. And my dad would say “sure honey, I promise that I won’t.” By age 7, in order to be a part of the family, Paul learned to mix cocktails and sooned crafted Harvey Wallbangers for the men and Whiskey Sours for the women. “I had no desire to drink, I just wanted to have fun and fit in. This was my family’s way of life, they loved to drink.”

“I withheld drinking right up to the legal age of 18, when at my high school graduation I drank to celebrate becoming an adult. I remember drinking beer and at some point I switched to Southern Comfort.” Paul’s first and overzealous experience with alcohol led to vomiting profusely throughout the night. It  was enough for Paul to experience the negative effects of drinking, and he quit the next day. He stayed sober until he turned 35.

After graduating from Towson University, Paul moved to New York City to pursue a career in theatre, his passion. After a successful period in show business, he joined the corporate world as a telecommunications trainer. Although he found happiness and success, Paul was not prepared for a looming trauma that would launch him toward alcoholism.

On the morning of September 11, 2001, Paul was on his way to a business meeting at the World Trade Center. He had just boarded a subway train at Grand Central Station when the first plane hit the North Tower. In that moment, while in the subway, everything stopped. “I was stuck and terrorized.”  The events of 9/11 traumatized him so irreparably that he packed up and moved to Atlanta, where he began drinking heavily in isolation.

“I kept a pantry stacked with empty wine and vodka bottles from floor to ceiling. I was so ashamed of my drinking and the quantity of bottles, that on recycling days I would disperse them evenly throughout my neighborhood trash bins. And yet, a highly functioning alcoholic, I was able to work and maintain my daily schedule.”

“Around this time I became increasingly involved in ministry at St. Mark United Methodist Church in Atlanta. I reconnected with my theatrical inner spirit by writing, directing, choreographing, and acting in their drama ministry.” In 2017, Paul’s overindulgent drinking caught up with him. The church’s Pastor recognized his struggles with alcohol and alerted Paul’s brother David to the fact thatPaul needed help.  The family that Paul tried so hard to fit into immediately sprung into action and offered an intervention. They got him onto a flight to Baltimore and when he arrived they witnessed how bad his addiction had become. Paul couldn’t walk. The tremors from his new withdrawal rendered his legs useless and he had to be brought to the car via a wheelchair.  Paul was broken.

Upon returning to Maryland, Paul was admitted to a thirty day program at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda (NIH).  “This was physical recovery, I could walk again. Immediately upon discharge from NIH, my brother brought me to Helping Up Mission (HUM). After the intake process, David kept asking if I was going to be OK? And I said,” I’m going to be fine, this is good, I am where I need to be.”

During his first Friday chapel, (which is open to the public at 1:30pm) Paul heard our HUM Choir and Band perform for the first time and immediately asked “Miss Kim” (HUM Board Member and Choir Director Kim Lewis) to join. Once again, Paul found where he needed to be.

For the first six months of his one-year Spiritual Recovery Program, Paul traveled with the Choir all over the Greater Baltimore Area to sing at churches and community events. Engaging with other people through an activity he loves enabled Paul to feel accepted within his community.

After his blackout period (45 days of limited communication) ended, Paul became heavily involved in another community– Alcoholics Anonymous. “I got a home group at Canton Beginners; where I am now the secretary, got a sponsor, and started doing the 12 Steps.  I also started attending and participating in institutional commitments. Going out into the surrounding areas and meeting like-minded people, struggling with their own addictions where they are. I enjoy the camaraderie.”

Paul’s Work Therapy Assignments included work in the Philanthropy office, where he developed his interpersonal skills with donors. His new role as Graduate Library Intern enables him to give back to the men we serve.  “I work closely with Miss Betty, the library volunteer administrator, to coordinate and develop the book orders. But the most satisfying aspect of my job is helping the men use the computer, many for the first time! I’m just giving back to the place that saved my life.”

Currently, Paul is performing again with the Baltimore Men’s Chorus, where he recently directed and choreographed a cabaret at Spotlighters Theatre downtown. He is heavily involved at the Gallery Church Baltimore, his home church, working with Lead Pastor Ellis Prince.  Thanks to you, Paul has found a new family.

Charles, 48, was born and raised in Baltimore City by his mother and father. His family was not wealthy but they had everything that they needed. His parents sought to raise him with discipline. According to Charles, his mom “spoke it” and his dad “screamed it.”

When he was 13, Charles began smoking cigarettes, which transitioned to marijuana throughout high school. He attended Pikesville High School, where affluent students drove fancy cars and sported new diamonds. In an attempt to fit in, Charles began selling weed. “If you wanted to smoke it, I could get it. I was an “entrepreneur” with a substantial amount of money and this service helped me fit in.” During his time at Pikesville, Charles was arrested a few times and placed on probation for selling.

Charles maintained good grades and upon earning his high school diploma, his father begged him to go to college. “My dad offered to buy me any car that I wanted if I went to college. I regret to this day not following through with his offer.”

After high school his drug use unfortunately progressed. “I enjoyed the limelight, respect, girls, clothes, and cars that came with dealing drugs. It became my new addiction.” Charles was good at selling drugs, and he worked with successful dealers to learn how to do it even better. “It was my downfall, learning how to do what I was doing.” For the next 28 years, Charles used and sold drugs.

“I knew that I had a problem. In 2010 I came to the Helping Up Mission for six months, and in 2017 for seven. In May of 2018 I was at the end of my rope.” Two days before stepping through HUM’s doors Charles came face to face with God.

“I overdosed for the first and last time. In the ambulance the paramedic told me that I was dead. They hit me with two cans of narcan and were waiting for more to arrive. I saw God in the darkness of the overdose and heard the words ‘jails, institutions, or death.’ I had finally been through all three and heard God ask, ‘what more do I need to show you?’ I surrendered immediately in the ambulance.”

Charles began meditating on God first, for everything. “He has the last word. I live through His way, so that I am a servant and will be a witness to God’s good work.

Today, Charles is a Graduate Intern in client services. “I enjoy helping the guys see God plant a seed in them when they first get here, and watching that seed grow. Learning about themselves. I help them get the care that they deserve. If I can’t, I’ll find them somebody who can. We talk about anger, frustrations, stress, and where relapse comes from. I used to point the finger and let the darkness lead me astray. Today, I see the light. I also tell them that recovery literature and spirituality need to be balanced, and once they do that they will receive God’s path. When I sold drugs I provided a different type of service, today I serve God. At my first chapel upon entering HUM, CEO Bob Gehman talked about the staff at the mission being ‘All In.’ This really struck me and to this day, they are words that I live by. In my recovery I am ‘All In.’

Charles plans on attending Community College of Baltimore County in the Fall to pursue a degree in Human Services and Mental Health Therapy. “While signing up for college, I was looking to get a degree in Information Technology. I sat down at the registrar’s desk and she said that wasn’t the degree that I had signed up for…I was puzzled. She proceeded to show me my new student ID and then she read off my info from the computer and it said Human Services. I looked at my friend and laughed. If this was God’s will for me, I had to accept it as part of His plan. To this day, I still do not know who signed me up for this degree!”

Charles would like to thank you for caring and having the heart to serve “all of the lost souls at HUM. Thank you for keeping the lights on and the air conditioner going. The bible talks about living with the Holy Spirit in the fifth chapter of Galatians: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Thank you for embodying these principles in your heart to serve. “Donating your time is love, when you come and meet us where we are at. Thank you for bringing your own light to Helping Up Mission.”

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Brian, 50, was born in the Eastern Panhandle of West Virginia. His father left the family coal company to work at Bethlehem Steel in Baltimore. When Brian was 11 his grandfather died, so his father needed to return to West Virginia to take over the business. Brian’s mother didn’t want to go, and chose to stay in Baltimore with Brian. “I felt that I did something wrong, because my father left,” Brian remembers.

Brian’s earliest addiction was money. “I thought my father left with everything, so I got a job to impress him. I was delivering papers, but I was also delivering drugs for my step-brother. There were times that he gave me $500 per week. When I was 16 years old, I went to Fox Chevrolet and paid $14,672 for a new Chevy van. My mother was so proud of me—she thought it was from delivering papers.”

“I worked hard and sold drugs. I was a functioning addict who used cocaine, but my mother was a nurse and she thought cocaine wasn’t addictive. I’d get clean for 60 days and then I’d start using again, but in my mind I wasn’t an addict. I started selling heroin and made fun of the people I sold to. As it turns out, my God has a sense of humor. I got hurt at work and needed back surgery. I started using Fentanyl patches and I was good to go, but when they said I didn’t need the medication anymore I started snorting dope. I became what I had judged.”

“Last year my mother got really sick. She was dying. She was in hospice and my family didn’t tell me because I was so messed up. Then my mother didn’t call me for my birthday, and I got worried. I later found a message from her—she had been in a coma and came out of it to look for me. I went to see her, but did dope in the bathroom while I was there. A nurse caught me and started crying. She said, “you’re killing your mother, get some help.” I didn’t know what to do. I’ll never forget the day I was with a girl, and the next thing I know I’m waking up from the inside of a rubber body bag. Paramedics hit me six times with Narcan. I haven’t seen that girl to this day, but if it wasn’t for her finding help I’d be dead. I knew that I had to do something, so I went to detox at Bayview. I was there for ten days when they usually only give you three. They suggested Helping Up Mission. The following Monday, at six o’clock in the morning, I was here. And I’ve been here ever since.”

“I decided that I was going to succeed. I started going to meetings every night of the week and bringing new guys with me. I got a sponsor and I started doing step work. I read the Bible, especially the daily Proverbs. This program has given me the structure that I needed in my life. You have to change the way you’re living. Today, I can walk through things instead of around them, even when it’s not great. I want to be clean more than I want to be high no matter what.”

“Three weeks ago my mother died, but before she did I went to the hospital and said, “Mom, I love you.” She responded, “I love you too.” I said, “Mom, you’re going to be alright,” and she said, “No, you’re going to be alright. I love you,” and she closed her eyes. I came back to the HUM and dealt with it. It’s not easy, but life shows up. At my home group I celebrated a year clean with a couple hundred people there.”

Brian now runs the crew for HUM’s maintenance work therapy program. He helps with the interview process and brings guys in with the right skills. Brian says, “ it helps with their recovery, and I point them in the right direction. I’ve got guys beating the door down at six o’clock in morning. I tell the guys to do everything that’s suggested, and they can’t tell me it doesn’t work.”

“Today, I get on my knees every day and say, ”Not my will but Yours be done.” I believe that this is what he wants me to do. I just take that little step, and God will take it the rest of the way. I don’t know how, I can’t see it, I can’t touch it. But I know it.”

Frank, 39, was born and raised in the Towson area of Baltimore, Maryland. He grew up in a loving Catholic family that provided him with everything that he needed. A talented soccer player, Frank eventually joined the Maryland Olympic Team. “I thought that I had everything,” he says.

At the age of ten, Frank was offered his first drink. An older family friend brought him a six-pack to help celebrate New Year’s Eve. “She was like an older sister to me, and I brought the beers up to my room and drank them alone. I immediately liked the feeling,” he remembers. This early introduction to alcohol led him to begin drinking regularly, and he even started drinking at school. Frank would sneak a couple of beers during his middle school dances, and noticed that the beers no longer affected him. His school drinking progressed. During his freshman year at Calvert Hall, Frank brought a water bottle filled with alcohol to a dance, which led to suspension. It was his first time getting in trouble for drinking.

To Frank, drinking was a way to fit in at first. ”I really enjoyed the feeling that alcohol gave me. It was my solution for social anxiety and any pain that I was going through.” As much as Frank believed that alcohol helped him socially, it had the opposite effect in reality. Soon he was drinking by himself in his room.

Having developed from such a young age, Frank’s addiction began to interfere with his life. Frank received his first DUI before beginning his freshman year at Essex Community College. He received his second DUI one week later, and a third before the end of the year. His drinking was starting to affect his ability to play soccer, which was stressful for him.

In 1998, Frank’s family recognized his continuously growing problem, and he attended his first recovery program. Soon he met a girl who was also in recovery, at the recovery house he managed in Frederick, MD. The relationship progressed quickly, and the newly sober couple got married shortly after she got pregnant. “I was young and started drinking again. I couldn’t stay stopped. My life was unmanageable. We had a second child and the marriage soon crumbled into an unhealthy relationship,” Frank remembers. Due to his drinking, Frank lost his job in the Steamfitters Union and moved back to Baltimore.

In 2017, Frank was sick and tired of being sick and tired. “I tried every way to get my life back on track—my behaviors, jobs, and relationships. I knew that my friend from Calvert Hall, Matthew Joseph, was working at Helping Up as HUM Treatment Coordinator, and I talked to him about coming in. Three times I walked through the door. The first time, I wasn’t ready; the second time, I needed detox; and finally on the third time they let me in. It was hard coming through the doors. I wasn’t proud to be a HUM guy.”

Today Frank has a very different perspective. “I can help somebody else by showing them what I’m doing. My life is in a better place because I’m here.” Frank is now an intern in the Workforce Development Program. “If it wasn’t for being an intern and having the guidance of Brett Hartnett, Education & Workforce Development Administrator, and Matt Brown, Education and Workforce Development Manager, I would have left HUM. They gave me purpose,” Frank says.

In December, 2018, Frank graduated our one-year Spiritual Recovery Program and now accepts life on life’s terms. “HUM has transformed my life and changed who I am today. I’m a different person, and I enjoy helping the men through career development, applying for jobs, and taking assessment tests. I like showing them that they can take the worst possible things in their lives and turn them into assets.” Frank started taking Peer Recovery Coach classes and also graduated from the Community College of Baltimore County with his Associate’s Degree. Soon he will attend The University of Baltimore to pursue a degree in Business Management. He plans on staying active in the substance abuse recovery field.

”I’ve become mentally, physically, and spiritually better at HUM, and being here has given me the time to recover. I grew up Catholic, and the presence of God here at HUM is everywhere. God is back in my life, I can feel Him. Here, God works through so many people and I thank Him for bringing tears to my eyes. Tears of Joy.”

Thanks to You Frank has Tears of Joy.

“I like showing people that they can take the worst possible things in their lives and turn them into assets.”