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I grew up in West Baltimore – in Sandtown. There was my mom, my younger brother and his dad in the house. But, I didn’t know he was my step-father; I thought he was my dad until I was 12 when we moved out to Park Heights. It was hard when I found out he wasn’t my biological father, but I realized eventually that he was my “dad”.

My relationship with my mom, even in the middle of my mess, was good. She would always try to find a way to help me get better.

I started trying drugs when I was 8 or 9 – marijuana. But, it wasn’t an every-day thing until I was 15 or 16 because of limited access – by then I had a job and associates to get it from. I started using cocaine at 17.

I put myself out of school when I was in 8th grade [by acting out]. My mom wouldn’t let me be in the house unless I was learning, so the principal that expelled me from Greenspring Middle helped me get into an alternative school. Just two weeks from completing my GED, I got in an altercation and got myself put out again.

I left home when I was 19. From 17 on, I was back and forth with girlfriends and families in a couple places. I met my daughter’s mother and she had my daughter. Her mom didn’t want anything to do with me because I didn’t have a high school diploma or college. But, I always kept a job.

I could always go home, but I chose to live on the streets. Whenever I would call my mom, she would say I could come home. But I told her I was alright, and I was under the illusion that I was taking care of myself.

I first came to HUM in 1998, when I was 28 years old. I only stayed for a week. I tried other recovery programs over the years, including another time back at HUM. I spent time in jail – for things I did and for things I did not do. I had jobs on and off – which also provided access to substances.

On Memorial Day 2012, the love of my life was taken away from me. She was murdered, and I lost my mind. I tried everything not to feel what I was feeling. Marijuana didn’t do it. Coke didn’t do it. As I was on my way to go buy some coke, an associate asked how I was doing. I said that I was trying to find something to numb the pain. He gave me a gram of raw dope. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, but it took away the pain. What I didn’t realize was that my using heroin to take away the pain was causing me even more pain. I came home one day and the locks were changed.

Eventually, in March 2016 I found my way back to HUM. I didn’t talk to other people when I came here; just the people who came in with me. We made a pact to be here for the year. Since I have been here, I’ve been dealing with my anger and changing my heart.

When the euphoria of getting high was gone, I became a very, very, very angry individual. I was angry at myself, angry at the world, and angry at the dude that took my wife from me. In my second week here, I was going to leave, but my Father [God] sent my Treatment Coordinator to come talk to me. I told him, “It’s my birthday and I don’t want to feel what I feel. The only way that I know how to deal with it is to get high.” He suggested I talk to the Director of Spiritual Life about my anger. I was looking for the quick fix – I thought he would give me a verse or a book to go read, but it wasn’t that simple. He gave me a bunch of reflective assignments. Every time I was in the recovery process, I thought it was about changing my thinking. But for me, it wasn’t about changing my thinking, but about changing my heart. And everything else will follow.

Now, I’m staying at HUM; I’m working on getting my high school diploma and I’m responsible for the housekeeping in three buildings. I’m working on other things, like vulnerability. I don’t have a problem being vulnerable to the Father because I know he is not going to hurt me and has my best interests; my problem is being vulnerable with people. Learn to distinguish which people who have your best interest at heart. The people at HUM have my best interest at heart. But I resist it; I don’t want you to know that I have any vulnerability in me. I don’t want you to know that I have the fillling of a Twinkie in me. Sometimes there’s a time to be angry, but I just don’t want to be angry anymore.

I don’t know what’s next for me; I just go where my Father tells me to go and do what He tells me to do.

Here’s a WBAL news segment that featured Anthony early in his time at HUM:

Watch the video above, as Wayne describes his process of forgiveness…

Wayne grew up in a violent home, with a stepfather who regularly abused his mother. From his preteen years on, Wayne planned to get revenge by killing him. But after several decades of consuming hatred and active addiction, Wayne was able to get clean and forgive his stepfather. He eventually even cared for his stepfather through the final stages of cancer.

Wayne has always loved to cook. Now, he’s training to become a chef. In the video below, you can see more of his journey as described by his sister, along with the recovery stories of two other men.

Drew Dedrick, age 43, was raised in Columbia, MD.  “I grew up in a good Catholic family,” says Drew.  “I did well in school.  I played football, baseball and painted scenery for the drama club and was an artist for the newspaper.”

“I had always been a normal guy. As I entered middle school I got glasses, braces and crazy hair due to my many cowlicks. I wasn’t cool anymore. I desperately wanted to fit in. I felt like good students were nerds so I started making an effort not to get straight A’s.

“After high school, I enrolled in UMBC and joined a fraternity.  I did nothing but drink my entire freshman year.  I felt like it was required to be part of the crowd and it helped me to feel accepted.  By the end of my freshman year, I had failed out of college.

“I started working at Toby’s Dinner Theatre as a morning dishwasher.  Within weeks I was promoted to working with props and stage managing.  From there I became the technical director and finally a sound designer.

“In 1999, I married my girlfriend — an actress I had met at the theatre. We had a good life together. She eventually left the theatre and got a job as a teacher.

“Our first son, Martin, was born in 2004 and our second, August, arrived in 2007.  After August was born, she wanted me to get a “real job.”  She didn’t think that my job at the theatre had the long-term security that a day job could provide.  But, I was comfortable at the theatre and knew that I was very good at what I did.

“After August was born, the disconnect between us grew.  She had matured and become a proper mother but I hadn’t made that adjustment with her.  She kept asking me to drink less.  I hesitantly agreed but never made any real changes.

“We reached a point of crisis in our marriage.  She gave me an ultimatum that I needed to quit drinking, quit smoking and get my health checked out.  I told her that was a lot to ask for and I didn’t know if I could do all of it.  I went to the doctor the very next week.  I tried to quit smoking without realizing how hard it would be.  I never was able to stop drinking.  After six months, right after Thanksgiving 2013, she kicked me out. At first I fought for her and our relationship but eventually realized that it was futile — she was not going to take me back. Not being able to be with my boys was devastating.

“I still had my job at Toby’s and I would sleep in my car and at friends’ houses.  It was freezing cold and so I drank to keep warm.  My wife told me I couldn’t drive the boys anymore.  Once that responsibility was gone, I drank whenever I wasn’t at work.  I drank all day long.  I got to the point where I would shake if I wasn’t drinking.  My doctor prescribed me anxiety medication.  Because I was taking it along with drinking, I started blacking out.  I started getting progressive warnings from my boss about showing up drunk to work.

“From May to October my life was just shame upon shame.  I was hallucinating.  I was very paranoid and stopped talking to people.  I thought I was going to die – I didn’t believe I had any chance to control my alcoholism.  I was only getting ½ hour of sleep every night and drinking didn’t even get me drunk anymore.

“I finally realized that I needed help.  My step-mother helped me look for programs and found Helping Up Mission.  She brought me to HUM and I was an emotional mess.  I had been isolated for so long.  Suddenly, I was in a community of guys all working on the same thing and it was like an enormous weight had been lifted.

“I surrounded myself with good people.  For the first time in my life, I started following the rules.  Anything the staff asked me to do, I did.  I got a sponsor, a home group, developed a great relationship with my treatment coordinator, fully used my therapist and started attending church.

“As I progressed in the program, I had to decide about going back to work right away or waiting.  I prayed on it and decided to accept a work therapy assignment in HUM’s treatment office.  I wanted to give back to the place that had saved my life!  I eventually accepted an internship in the Philanthropy Department.  My family wrote a letter lashing out at me for taking an internship instead of a full-time job.  They wanted me to re-enter the workforce and provide for my boys.

“I recently was offered the opportunity to interview for a position in HUM’s Philanthropy Department as the Marketing and Communications Coordinator.  As I read the job description, I was amazed – if I could have written it myself, this is the ideal job description I would have written.  A couple of weeks later, I was offered and accepted the position.  Working at Helping Up Mission is a calling.  It’s a place where I can help save lives.

“Because I am able to live at the Mission as a residential staff member, I am saving money and able to make financial amends to my ex-wife.  My family apologized to me for writing that letter and doubting me.  They now realize that I was doing the right thing all along, by surrendering to God’s will  and am now in a position to give back to my boys immediately.”

Watch Drew’s interview at our 2016 Graduation Banquet:

https://youtu.be/Z7XY9OguvbA?t=2m21s

Kirk Wise grew up in Jessup, MD. “Music has always been a part of my life,” says Kirk. “I was 5 years old when I first sang up front in church. Church was an integral part of my childhood. I brought everyone to church with me when I was in high school.

“During my sophomore year of high school, my older brother and some of his friends took me out to celebrate after one of my football games and introduced me to alcohol. I only drank socially at first.

“At the end of my senior year, I had a football injury. Although I received scholarship opportunities, they were limited compared to what they would have been had I not been injured. I went to Frostburg State.

“My injury took a big toll on me emotionally. By the end of the first semester, I started getting into physical altercations and became aggressive in practice. Things escalated and I didn’t see a future there. I went home and enrolled in classes at Howard Community College.

“The doctor had been prescribing me narcotics because of my football injury.  When I was introduced to heroin, I realized that it took the pain away. It took away my feeling of being worthless and down on myself because of football and the injury.  I became dependent on heroin but was still able to go to classes at first.

“At the age of 21, I realized I had an addiction problem. I entered into a methadone maintenance program. I stopped going to school but was working. I was in and out of rehab programs.

“In 2005, at the age of 30, I married my wife, Delisha. She knew about my addiction but did not know the extent to which I was struggling. My addiction progressed into a daily thing and I wound up in Montgomery General Hospital in 2009.  They referred me to Helping Up Mission.  I stayed at HUM for 3 or 4 months and did well. When I left the Mission, I was clean. I felt like I needed to go back home and get back to work to support my wife and our four children.

“About two months later, I started drinking again.  Eventually things got bad and I came back to HUM again in 2010.  I was at HUM for 6 months but had to leave because I started drinking and tested positive for alcohol.

“My drinking picked up much faster this time.  Every morning, the first thing I did was drink.  I got to the point where I was drinking up to a gallon of vodka a day.

“In 2012, I lost my grandparents back to back and my brother died in 2013 of a heart attack.  Things got very bad as I mourned for them.  My relationship with my wife was strained and I lost my job.

“I was hospitalized four times within six months. My wife and the nurses told me I needed to come back to HUM.

“I was relieved to be back at the Mission – it felt like a big weight had been lifted off of me.  I realized in that moment that I needed to surrender and admit that I didn’t know how to live successfully.  I had to get my pride out of the way and humble myself.  I was finally at the point were I could receive help.

“I’m a member of HUM’s running team through Back on My Feet (BOMF).  Running with the team is a great way to start the morning and the day.

“Running takes away my fears, doubts, stress and anger.  It makes me feel confident and it builds my self-esteem.  BOMF members encourage me and it’s a pleasure to be with people who truly care.

“Running long distances is all new for me.  I’m registered to run the half marathon with Team HUM at the Baltimore Running Festival on October 17th.  I’m currently in training and very excited for it!

“Not long after arriving at HUM, I got plugged into the choir. I’d been hesitant to jump back in. I prayed about it and realized my singing is a gift to be used for God’s glory. The choir welcomed me with open arms. I felt accepted and released the guilt and shame of my previous recovery attempts.  In that community, I had people around me who wanted me to succeed. I got to sing at the Mission’s annual Graduation Banquet this past April. It was cool to be able to embrace both my music and recovery together.

“My relationship with my wife and kids is getting much better.  I can see the damage that my years of addiction have caused to my family.  I can see what needs to be done for my family and I am prepared to do it.

“I am currently working as a music intern at HUM. I direct the choir and help with the band and setting up the equipment for the weekly chapel service.  It gives me peace to be able to do something I love and see it bless other people.

“I just started attending seminary to get theological training. After I graduate from the Mission in November, I want to be used by God in ministry to help build His Kingdom here on earth.”

Kevin Hough, age 50, grew up in West Virginia, near Charles Town. “My father left when I was 3 years old,” says Kevin. “I have one brother who is four years younger than I.

“In the sixth grade I started experimenting with drugs – pills and marijuana. When I was in seventh grade, I quit school because I wanted to go to work and make money. I worked at the race track walking and galloping horses. It was at the track that I was introduced to cocaine which was a big deal in the ’80s.

“My aunt and uncle helped me to get a job locally. At 17, I started working in Reston, Virginia as a laborer for a construction company so that I could make more money. The man who owned the company would drive us there every day. We all used every day.

“I eventually became a carpenter helping to build houses. I was able to do that much closer to home.

“I met a lady and we got a place together. We were both smoking marijuana and drinking. I didn’t let her know about my cocaine use because I knew she wouldn’t like it.

“Eventually, my addiction took over and I lost my carpentry job. I had a hard time finding consistent work. I started using more and stealing to feed my habit.   The house was eventually foreclosed on.

“I went to jail for a year for cashing a bad check. Everything was gone at that point, including my girlfriend.

“After I got out of jail, my mother and brother let me stay to get straight but I messed that up. I was homeless for about a year. I stayed in churches overnight and wandered the streets bumming money for drinks during the day.

“My Aunt Cathy stepped in and told me I could do better for myself and encouraged me to get help. After I found out about Helping Up Mission, my family drove me to Baltimore.

“Once I joined HUM’s Spiritual Recovery Program, I was ready to get started! I realized that all that time, God had been leading me to a different path.

“I started attending Miss Carol’s weekly art class. I appreciated it because it gave me time to think. I also joined the choir. We were preparing to sing at the annual graduation banquet. It helped me because it allowed me to be myself.

“I used to run in High School. When I heard about Back On My Feet’s running team at the Mission, I knew I wanted to join. When I first started with the team, I couldn’t even run a mile. The first race that I completed was a 5k and now I am training to run the half marathon at the Baltimore Running Festival in October.

“When I arrived at HUM, my teeth were down to nubs because I used to grind them a lot. Through the Mission’s dental program, I was able to get a whole new set of teeth.

“I knew that I wanted to work on my education. When I first took the placement tests for the program to earn my High School Program, I couldn’t pass them. So, I started Adult Basic Education classes so that I could pass the placement tests. After passing the placement tests, I started studying and, in February of this year, I got my High School Diploma. Now, I have the confidence to have a conversation with someone and look them in the eyes.

“I started talking with HUM’s vocational coordinator about my future. He encouraged me to get a certification. I was able to get a grant and attend CCBC for a one-year heating and air conditioning certification program.   There were still some expenses left to cover and I was able to get a scholarship from Central Scholarship and Back on My Feet helped me with the cost of my books. I’m signed up to the Advanced Electricity Class and then will take Commercial Refrigeration.

“While I continue my education, I am living in HUM’s graduate transitional housing. It’s a great opportunity. There is no way I’d be able to focus on my education without it.

“If I didn’t make the decision to straighten up my life, I’d still be out on the corner somewhere wishing I had done something. Living straight and living right has really changed me. I used to worry a lot about what people thought. Now that I know who I really am, I am at ease with myself.”

Jerome Dorman, age 57, grew up on the Eastern Shore with his seven siblings. “I first tried alcohol at 8 years old,” says Jerome. “My parents would have company and leave drinks lying around. I decided to give them a try. I thought it was something cool to do.

“When I was 15 I started drinking beers with my buddies and eventually I started smoking marijuana as well. I dropped out of school when I was in the 10th grade. I wanted to be with the in crowd and just wasn’t interested in school at that time. I had been a good student but I was bored.

“There was a lot of field work on the Eastern Shore – hauling and picking watermelons. I was always able to get a job.

“My addiction started to really escalate when I was 18 years old. I was living with my grandparents. They sort of knew that I was using but never said anything to me about it.

“When I was 20, I started smoking coke to try to fit in with the in crowd and by 21 I was shooting dope. I had an uncle that shot dope and I had always wanted to try it. My drug use just increased from there. I was using drugs all day, every day. I got to the point where I couldn’t keep jobs. I’d lose one job and move on to the next.

“I was arrested several times for assault and paraphernalia charges.   I went to jail for the first time at 18 years old and by the time I was 39, I had spent over 10 years in jail.

“I met a woman and we had a son together. Becoming a father brought me in from the streets. I was still getting high but I wasn’t hanging out in the streets as much. She eventually got tired of my drug use and having me in jail and, after 8 years together, we broke up.

“I moved back in with my grandparents. I was smoking coke all of the time. I had a lot of friends that sold coke and they always kept me supplied.

“My grandparents both died within a short amount of time. This really upset me and I went off on a big binge. They left the house to me and my siblings. One of my brothers and one of my sisters were living in the house with me and they were both using drugs. I went to jail for 8 months for a parole. When I got out, I came home and the house had been destroyed. They hadn’t taken care of anything while I was gone. The utilities hadn’t been paid and the water and electricity had been shut off.

“With nowhere to go, I was homeless. I slept under a bridge for a week. I knew that I wanted to make a change and needed help. I told myself that wasn’t how I was supposed to live. I went to the health department and they referred me to a 28 day rehab program at a state hospital. On the 27th day, I was talking to my counselor and told them that I still needed more help. I had been using drugs for 40 years and needed more than 28 days. I didn’t have anywhere to go that would be healthy for me.

“My counselor called around the Eastern Shore but couldn’t find an available bed for me. The only place that I could find was Helping Up Mission in Baltimore. I was reluctant to come because I am a country boy and didn’t know how I felt about going to the city. She told me to take the day and think about it. I decided to give it a try and they drove me to the Mission from the Eastern Shore.

“When I arrived at the Mission, I settled in very easily. I already had 28 days of clean time when I arrived so I was used to recovery at that point. I started watching the guys that had been here for a while and I realized that this place would be alright.

“When I arrived at HUM, all of my teeth were gone due to drug use. I found out about the Mission’s dental program and was able to get a new set of teeth.

“After being at HUM for a month and a half, I started working towards earning my high school diploma. On May 22, 2011, I earned my high school diploma! After getting it, I was so excited that I decided to keep going and go to college. I watched 3 of my HUM friends who were enrolled at Sojourner Douglass College and they inspired me. I wanted to become the first member of my family to graduate from college.

“I enrolled at Sojourner Douglass and got set up with some grants. Living in transitional housing at HUM has allowed me to focus on my education. I am studying to become an addictions counselor so that I can help others that have struggled like me.

“I plan on going back to the Eastern Shore because I know there are a lot of people there who are struggling with addiction. There are a lot of guys I grew up with that are still out there doing the same things I was doing 4 or 5 years ago. I hope they see me and the transformation I have made, I hope I can influence them to change their lives.

“HUM is an amazing place. It has really helped me and taught me a lot. You won’t find another place like this for recovery. If anyone out there needs to go somewhere for recovery, I suggest they come to Helping Up Mission. Even on my worst days, my brothers here lift me up.”

Michael Knighton, age 54, grew up in East Baltimore. “When I was a young boy, I got into boxing because of my brother,” says Michael. “My brother had me out on the corners getting into fights with other kids to earn money when I was about 7. My step-father found out what was happening. He took me off of the corner and to a boy’s club where I could be trained in boxing. I was excited about training and did a lot of amateur boxing.

“When I was 10 years old, my step-father took my mother and brother and I on a boat ride. My step-father saw a little boy in distress in the water. He jumped in to save the little boy’s life. He saved the little boy as well as the boy’s parents. But, on his way back to our boat, my step-father was caught in a current and drowned. I wanted to try to save him but my mother held me back.

“I used to take out my anger in the boxing ring. Boxing was everything to me. When I was 19, I threw a punch and blew my shoulder out. I was rushed into surgery. That surgery led to subsequent surgeries and many pain medications to try to control the pain.

“Boxing had been my outlet to deal with my anger. From that point on, I was heavily into pain medication. I started getting into trouble – forging prescriptions to get more medicine. I was breaking the law all of the time to feed my habit. I was in and out of jail a lot. Eventually I moved from pain pills to heroin.

“For 30 years, I lived dependent on drugs. My body was so used to opiates that, without them, I didn’t feel normal. I was homeless and alone. Earlier in my life, I had gotten two teardrop tattoos on my face. As I walked the streets, I felt that people were always judging me because of my tattoos. I didn’t feel like a normal member of society.

“I finally told myself that enough was enough and it was time to get clean. If I could lie on a prison floor and sober up, I could do it on my own. I went to a methadone program but they wouldn’t accept me.

“I started walking with nowhere to go. I came to the 1000 block of East Baltimore Street and saw the sign for Helping Up Mission. I remembered the good things I had heard about this place so I decided to stay for the night. After hearing about the Spiritual Recovery Program, I decided to give it a try. I had nothing to lose!

“My body was in agony for the first two months that I was at the Mission. My nervous system was a mess as I went through withdrawals after 30 straight years of heroin use. My legs would twitch at night as I tried to fall asleep. I felt like my body had been invaded by an alien being who jumped up and tortured me whenever he felt like it.

“I was assigned to a mental health counselor. I started talking about things that I’d never opened up to anyone about – private matters that I never felt comfortable dealing with. I started to learn to trust people and began to realize that not everyone was judging me. I started to get the sense that people were starting to view me differently and I began to feel accepted.

“As I started to view myself as a different person, I wanted my body to reflect the changes that were happening inside. I decided that it was time to get rid of my tear drop tattoos that, for so many years, had been a visible symbol of my pain.

“My mental health counselor helped me look for a place that could help me with that and she reached out to Maryland Laser Skin and Vein. She explained my situation and how I was working to change my life.   They agreed to do the procedures for free. When it was done, the doctor told me the staff was proud of me and to continue on in my good work.

“The first day that I walked around without the tattoos on my face, I finally didn’t feel like an outcast anymore. I was able to walk in stores and not feel like I was being judged as a gang member or trouble maker.

“About that same time, I started working out again. I started out slowly and got back into my old routine before long. I started giving exercise advice to the guys who were in the fitness center with me. It felt great to be able to help them.

“I also started getting dental work done through the Mission’s dental program. When I entered the program, I didn’t have any teeth at all because of an issue with a mouthpiece during my boxing days. Now, I have a full set of teeth!

“I feel so confident these days and am walking with my head held high. People look at me and acknowledge me who would have never given me a second glance a year ago. But, my change isn’t just on the outside. On the inside, I can feel everything going on. My feelings and emotions were sedated by my drug use for so many years. Now I get emotional in ways I never had before.

“I was 19 when my son was born. I was in and out of his life. His life has been filled with a lot of my broken promises. After I came to the Mission, we started communicating again and we are working on our relationship.

“Since I’ve been at the Mission, my relationship with God has grown. I can clearly see how He has been working in my life – no one else could make the transformation happen but Him.

“HUM has become family to me. Every day I look forward to being with the other men here. I find ways to help someone and that means a lot to me.

“I’m so thankful to all of the donors that make HUM a reality. Because of them, men like me and the other guys at HUM get a second chance at life. Helping Up Mission was put here as a gift from God so we get a chance to mend our lives and our relationships with others we have hurt in the past. Today I am the man I always knew in my heart that I could be.”

Wayne Chisolm, 44 years old, was born in Brooklyn, New York. “My Grandmother raised my 5 siblings and I,” says Wayne. “My Mom lived nearby and was in the picture but she didn’t live with us. She had a very bad drinking problem and was doing the best that she could. My Dad was very abusive to my Mom and was barely in the picture. By the time that I was 11 years old, he was gone.

“When I was growing up, I didn’t really drink. Whenever I drank, I always got sick and I hated getting sick so I didn’t do it.

“I fell into the wrong crowd at school and played hooky a lot. I got my first job when I was a junior in high school. I loved it so much that I stopped going to school.

“In 1998, I started dating a woman that I had known since we were young. We eventually became engaged. In 2000, I moved to Maryland. I was happy with my life – working jobs and living a good life.

“In 2013, at the age of 43, I started hanging out with bad company. They were smoking crack cocaine. They told me not to mess with it but I thought that I was a man, I could handle anything. I could do it once – no big deal! I was wrong – after I tried it once, I was in love. I had 5 months of hard addiction and ended up resigning from my job.

“I hadn’t lost everything yet but I knew I was out of control. I called a friend and admitted my situation to him. He told me about Helping Up Mission and I was ready to go – I was willing to do whatever it took. I told my fiancé I was going to get help. She told me she had known all along and was waiting for me to tell her.

“When I first arrived at the Mission, I was impressed with how welcoming it was. To be honest, it took me a few months to mentally commit to completing the program. I had money in my pocket and, as I looked at the doors, I knew they weren’t locked. I could leave any time I wanted to. But, I came to realize that that would defeat the purpose. I could choose to fight or surrender. I am happy to say, I never walked out that door.

“Soon after arriving, I received my first work therapy assignment – cleaning one of the bathrooms. I didn’t like it one bit. Over time, I stopped looking at it as cleaning toilets and started looking at it as a part of cleaning myself. I took that time cleaning the bathroom to think about how to work on myself. Over time, people started to notice a change in me.

“At first it was hard to get used to the other people here – there are so many different characters. That was a challenge at first for me because I used to not put up with that many people. But, I started to remember that they are human too and we are all here for the same reason – to fix ourselves.

“In addition to my work therapy assignment, I volunteered to work in the kitchen. After 4 months, my work therapy assignment was transferred to the kitchen. I love interacting with the guys in the program when I work in the kitchen! After a few months, a few intern positions opened up. I was shocked to learn that I had received one. I love being able to encourage and give advice to the men that work in the kitchen with me. It’s not just a job for me – I am invested in helping them with their life and their recovery. I know it isn’t easy to open up to people and I don’t take it for granted that they confide in me.

“I am working on getting my high school diploma. I’ve always wanted to get it but, because I always had a job, I thought I didn’t need it. I realized that if I didn’t make the time to do it now, I’d never do it and I decided to go for it.

“I joined the Helping Up Mission chapter of Back on My Feet. I had always wanted to be able to run a couple of miles and I admired the cool track suits and sneakers that the team members had. Once I joined the team I realized it was so much more. It’s about teamwork, effort and owning up to your word. When you are part of a team, people rely on you. I was worried about running because I had gained weight but no one laughed at me. It’s such a great group of people!

“My relationship with my fiancé today is amazing. After arriving at the Mission, I started talking with her over the phone. We talked every single day – praying and reading the Bible together. We waited till I was in the program for 6 months before we met up in person.

“When she first saw me again for the first time, I could see the excitement on her face. She said that I was the man she had missed. We went out to dinner and sat and talked for hours. We are still together and are doing even better than we ever had before. She is my best friend.

“I love where I am today. I like this new Wayne and I know that I will never go back to being that old guy again. The old Wayne has been cremated and gone. That’s a non-negotiable – I will never go down that route again!

Paul Bashore grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah. Along with his 3 siblings, he was raised by both parents.

“I had a good childhood,” says Paul. “In high school, my friends were older than me. When I reached 11th grade, they all graduated so I dropped out of school.

“When I quit going to school, my parents gave me the choice of getting a job and paying rent or moving out. I chose to move out. That same year I started drinking with my friends.   After my first drink, I said, ‘More, more, more!!’

“Over the next few decades, I drank heavily and moved around the country. I had a job selling basketball hoops to schools and recreation centers all over the western states. After 10 years of that job, I got tired of travelling and living in hotels.

“I settled down with a job and starting dating a girl who was big into cocaine. For the next 3 and a half years, I did cocaine and alcohol every day. I got my first DUI when I was 35 years old. I broke up with my girlfriend and moved back in with my parents. For three years in a row, I got a DUI each year.

“After my third DUI, I went to a rehab program for the first time and was introduced to AA. I stayed in the rehab program for 5 months but relapsed a month after leaving the program.

“I spent the next few years working at a motorcycle shop and drinking every evening and weekend. When the motorcycle shop closed in 2011, I started hitchhiking around the country and eventually ended up in a men’s shelter in New Orleans. I was in their program for a year and a half before I decided to start a journey.

“I scrounged up money for a train ticket to Atlanta and started hiking on the Appalachian trail with the intention of hiking to Maine. I started my hike on April 13, 2013. I soon discovered that all of the hikers would drink around their bonfires in the evenings. I started with just a drink or two but I soon realized that this lifestyle wouldn’t work well for me.

“I called my Dad from Bristol, TN and told him that I wanted to work on my sobriety. He gave me money for a bus fare to Baltimore so I could look for help. When I got to Baltimore, I needed a shelter to stay for the night so I came to Helping Up Mission.

“When I first arrived at the Mission, I was confused by what I saw. HUM looks nothing like what I was used to after seeing shelters all over the country. I had been expecting to see guys lined up with liquor bottles outside of a run-down building.

“My first night at the Mission, I stayed as an overnight guest. I noticed that HUM had a Spiritual Recovery Program and had an admissions interview. The more I saw, I thought that this seemed like the place for me.

“I quickly grew to love the program. I liked the structure and spirituality of it. I started attending AA meetings and that was very helpful to me.

“I heard that HUM offered a program to help men get their High School Diploma. I set to work immediately and got my diploma as soon as I was able to.

“After that, I heard about the opportunity to go to college. I knew that I’d deeply regret it if I didn’t take that opportunity. I’m currently studying at CCBC and eventually want to be an art therapist. Art has always been a big part of my life. Art therapy will allow me to combine art with my love of teaching. Being an art therapist requires a Masters Degree but, I decided if I go to school, I might as well shoot for the stars and go the whole way!

“I am an intern at the Mission working in the Innovative Learning Center. I oversee the computer class, supervise the learning center, do all the scheduling and help guys earn their diploma. I’m blessed to not only have earned my diploma but now I get to help other guys achieve the same thing!

“I always lived by myself but living in this therapeutic community helps me. It is an encouragement to be around other people like me. You see what not to do and you also see guys helping each other and moving forward. It’s so good to have a community of people who are in sobriety and helping each other. “

“My life is awesome today. Jesus Christ is number one in my life. After that, I am focused on school, family and helping others. I see blessings all around me and am overwhelmed with them.”

Terrance McBride, age 47, grew up in Baltimore, MD. “My parents were divorced,” says Terrance. “My Mom raised my sister and I by herself. She struggled but did the best that she could. When I was 16 years old, she decided that she was done raising kids and sent us to live with our father.

“My Dad and his girlfriend were both alcoholics. They lived in an urban neighborhood very different from the neighborhood I had grown up in. I had never been in that type of environment before and felt like a fish out of water.   As part of my attempt to fit in, I tried alcohol and marijuana… and eventually cocaine and heroin.

“I ended up mostly drinking and smoking marijuana. I didn’t think I had a problem. I kept mostly to myself because the drug usage and violence in the neighborhood were intimidating to me.

“After 2 years, there was an incident with some of the guys I was hanging out with. My Mom brought me back to Virginia to finish school. There was a neighborhood lady there who used to take me to church. That’s when I was introduced to Christ. I was baptized and became a member of the church.

“After graduation, I moved back to Baltimore and lived with my Grandmother. We got along well and she was my rock. I started going through my loneliest periods. I didn’t realize how introverted I was becoming because of my marijuana use and I suffered through a long season of depression.

“In 1995, I tried to kill myself for the first time after a rough break up. I got through it but I was never treating the depression – just going through the motions. Marijuana became a medication for me. As long as I was high, I could deal with my demons but I wasn’t able to function sober. I was working but I had no social life. I rarely went outside except to get marijuana and cigarettes– some days I would play video games all day long. Life was a struggle for me. I would wake up irritated that I was alive and had made it through the night.

“In 2001, I started working at the Starbucks inside BWI airport. I loved it and started interacting with the customers while I was working. After a year, I was given the opportunity to transfer to a new Starbucks inside of a downtown hotel. I was there for 5 years and was given the opportunity to supervise a location.

“I had gotten my own place and was doing well on the surface. But, my marijuana use and my mood swings were increasing. I was overwhelmed by depression and loneliness and eventually lost my dream job. I was on very shaky ground and started contemplating suicide again.

“In November 2012, my Grandmother passed away. I was angry because I felt like she left me. I never was able to get back any sense of footing.

“I was looking for jobs unsuccessfully. I didn’t have anywhere to live so I moved in with my Aunt. She was dealing with depression herself and our relationship struggled. One day, in the height of my struggles, I tried to strangle myself. I was unsuccessful and ended up calling the suicide hotline.

“I was hospitalized for 6 days. While I was there, my Aunt called to tell me that I would need to find somewhere else to live. I had no idea where to go and decided that I would kill myself after I was released from the hospital. I started thinking about how I was going to do it. I didn’t have any money so I wasn’t smoking marijuana. I was in a deep depression and didn’t see any hope for my future.

“A psychiatrist at the hospital told me they were trying to find a place for me to go. He told me about Helping Up Mission. I was unsure of what to expect but even the prospect of a place to go started to relieve some of the weight on my shoulders.

“I didn’t realize till I arrived at the Mission that the program was a spiritual program. I was so excited to learn of this unexpected blessing. I felt right at home and knew that I would be able to do it! I was very comfortable talking with the pastors on staff and could see that this was a brotherhood.

“I got into counseling and started getting things off of my chest. I learned techniques that enable me to get through bad moments. I started reading the Bible. Little by little, life became easier.

“I’ve really experienced a total transformation. I don’t expect that life will be a picnic in the future. I realize that even after I graduate from the Spiritual Recovery Program I will face challenges but I know that I’m making good decisions now.

“My worst days are gone. If I’m ever feeling down, I know how to deal with it. My counseling appointments are so helpful. I now have the tools to deal with my depression and bad feelings. I don’t have to smoke marijuana and play video games to escape anymore.

“I am studying and reading books and thinking about becoming a behavioral counselor. I enjoy interacting with the guys at the Mission and letting them know they are going to be okay. I see myself in the guys who have newly entered the program.

“I’m involved in work therapy here at the Mission and I set little goals. I set a goal to become an HUM intern and I’m now an intern in the rec room. I’m having more fun sober than I did on my best day while I getting high. I relate much better socially now. I spend time with my Aunt and Uncle – they are very supportive of my journey here.”