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“When we were beaten, we became willing”

Larry, 38, was born in Germany to a military family. As a hyperactive child, he battled concentration issues that resulted in a lack of learning or desire to sit in a classroom. His family moved several times, and by junior high, he found himself being molested by an older girl in his neighborhood. “I was being taken advantage of by a neighborhood girl. I was 13, and she was 17 years old. This went on for about a year and now I realize that the experience messed me up and my perception of what women are like and relationships in general.” Amidst the situation’s confusion, Larry thought the girl might be his girlfriend, but the abuser saw things differently. “At the time I wanted her to be my girlfriend, and she said, ‘no.’ The rejection hit me hard. My heart was hurt,” remembers Larry.

Soon after the sexual abuse, drugs and alcohol would find their way into Larry’s life as he searched to be socially accepted. “At first, I would smoke a joint with a friend, and that is how it started.” His desire to be cool would then result in buying a large amount of marijuana. “I ended up getting caught, just wanting to be a part of the crowd. I thought that I learned my lesson and did not mess with drugs again until two years later, when we moved to Tennessee. “

“I was a big guy. On my first day of school, everyone wanted me to play football. They wanted ME to be a part of something. So, I started playing with the team, and we thought that we were men. This was when my drinking started. At first, we drank after a game, and then we would drink after an exam. Soon we were drinking every night. “

“I began meeting rougher crowds, rougher groups of people. Some girls were involved and introduced me to cocaine, which just opened the door for my addictions. And soon, trying to please others and make them happy – I started using cocaine regularly.”

“My mom had a rule, ‘if you do not go to church, you are not going to live under my roof.’ I ended up missing a few services, and she put me out.” With nowhere else to go, Larry moved in with a local drug dealer. “During my stay, he was robbed a couple of times, and I felt like I had to help him out. We decided to find the guy that robbed him and get back his stuff. Armed with a gun, we found his stolen property and left. Soon after that, the police found us and took me to jail. I ended up spending three and a half years in prison.”

“When I got out of prison, I got into a toxic relationship. I got a job and an apartment, and we moved in together. And my powdered cocaine habit transitioned to crack cocaine. And after two years, it progressed to a full-blown addiction. I needed it. I had to have it.”

Larry would spend the next ten years getting high, getting evicted, and moving from state to state. In 2016, he would complete his first 30-day sobriety program but got high two weeks later. After more programs and eventual evictions, Larry finally hit rock bottom. In July of 2019, he walked through the doors of Helping Up Mission (HUM).

“The information that HUM provides helped me realize that it is okay to make mistakes. To quote Narcotics Anonymous, ‘When we were beaten, we became willing.’ HUM helped me learn how to take

suggestions. And there are people here who are living fulfilling lives with substantial amounts of clean time. Many of the former graduates come back and tell their stories.”

Larry has also been able to deal with the sexual molestation that scarred his early childhood. “When Mike Rallo [Director of Spiritual Life] discussed similar problems in class, I started relating to all the times that I had gotten clean only to relapse, due to past relationships. HUM taught me to love myself to the point where I am not looking for others to think that I am cool.”

“I still struggle with people-pleasing behavior. When it comes to doing what is right, I now know what is right and what is wrong. I have messed up a lot in my past, but my family is slowly coming around. They want to see substantial, long-term change in me. I know the key for me is better decision making.”

“There are guys in my Celebrate Recovery Group, Tyrell, Brett, and Ramon, and we have a bond because we have suffered through the same things and share it. And when one brother shares, it enables me to take off my mask and speak honestly. And they helped me in my recovery because I cannot do it on my own.”

Today, Larry is attending Baltimore City Community College and pursuing a degree in Behavioral Science, hoping to help others as HUM has helped him. “Nobody is immune to the trials and tribulations of life. Everybody is going to make mistakes. If you need help, it is okay to ask for it. I am grateful to HUM, helping me understand that recovery is a process without an expiration date.”

“It’s Okay to not be Okay” 

John, 46, grew up fishing the waters on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. John was eleven years old when he was taken in by his grandparents to escape the abuse of an alcoholic father. “My grandfather, John Sr. and I started building a boat. I followed his lead, and he took very good care of me. He showed me compassion and taught me what compassion for others meant. My grandfather also explained how forgiveness worked and how important it is to forgive. We truly bonded, and to my surprise, when we finished building the boat, we put it in the water, and he gave it to me.” 

John lived with his grandparents for 27 years, and his life was good. “I joined the fire department, played softball, and did some pretty exciting things, but my grandfather got sick. The day that he died, a part of me died. My lifeline and my mental support were gone, and I replaced that with alcohol and disconnected from life.” 

“It was a constant fight every day to keep my head above water. I was drowning. Two years ago, I was sitting in Medstar St. Mary’s Hospital when the doctors said there was nothing else that they could do for me. I looked down on the counter, and there was a number for Helping Up Mission (HUM). I called and asked if they had a bed, which they did. I then called my mother for the first time in a very long time and said, “If you never speak to me for the rest of your life, I need help with one thing.“ And she drove me to Baltimore the next day.” 

“I spent my first night in Overnight Guest Services (OGS), feeling numb, alone, and lost. A guy that I have never seen before asked, “Hey, fella, you okay?” The following morning, he was getting ready to leave, and when I told him that I was going to join the Spiritual Recovery Program (SRP), his response was, “I can’t leave your country–self like this. I gotta look after you!” A few days later, we were both in the program.” 

One day during a class taught by Spiritual Life Director Mike Rallo, John was angry. “Mike just looked at me and said, “Hey man, what’s wrong with you?” And I answered, “Nothing.” Which he responded, “It’s okay not to be okay.” I started repeating that statement over and over, and after class, I went up to the roof, grabbed the railing, and decided to let go of my anger, because it’s okay. I let it all go that day, and when I came back down from the roof, I was a different man. I began to do things the right way.” 

“I engaged in my work therapy assignment in the OGS the right way. Working in OGS gave me the opportunity to be like my grandfather and practice compassion with grace.  I then recognized that he had been with me this whole time, and I looked up, smiling, and I have been okay from that day on.”  

“I then turned my attention to the 60 men that spend their nights in OGS. How could I help them with their barriers? So, I told them my story and wanted to find out how bad their storm was. Conversations turned into building a relationship of trust. Often, the guys even taught this country boy about city life!  With my Peer Recovery Coach and mental health training, we started to break down barriers.” 

In January 2020, John graduated from the HUM’s yearlong Spiritual Recovery Program and was hired by HUM as the first Treatment Coordinator for overnight guests. In March, when COVID-19 forced HUM to redevelop processes and procedures to comply with safety regulations taking additional precautions, John felt the calling to stay with the overnight guests and administer to their needs. “I wasn’t worried about getting the virus. I knew that God was not going to bring me this far to drop me. My faith in Him took away my fears.” 

“When HUM’s community partner, Johns Hopkins Hospital administered COVID-19 testing, I assisted testing the men, ensuring they were safe, comfortable, and receiving basic needs. One day, I started feeling tired and found it difficult to breathe. I was tested for COVID-19; the results came back positive for the infection. I became angry and afraid as my body started shutting down. I would not let the doctors put me to sleep until I knew that I would be safe. We agreed on a treatment plan involving intravenous fluids, which felt like my veins were on fire.” 

John spent ten days recovering in quarantine before being cleared to return to HUM and return to work with the men he lovingly serves. “You know I am a big guy, and to be able to say, “Hey, this happened, but it’s okay.” I have learned how to move forward, sharing with others, this is how you pray, and this is how you get through the barriers, and this is how you survive the storm. It’s pretty amazing.” Thank you for helping John feel amazing!  

“God, this is it, I’m done. Please make something happen.”

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Struggling with addiction for over 20 years, Ramon (39) asked God for help, “God, this is it, I’m done. Please make something happen.” Thanks to generous donors like yourself, Ramon’s prayers were answered, and he came to Helping Up Mission (HUM), where he has healed, “spiritually, mentally, and physically.”

Born in Guatemala, Ramon’s family moved a lot: from Costa Rica to the Dominican Republic, to Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. His father, a preacher in the Seventh Day Adventist church, and his mother did a good job of making his family feel safe during the many moves. “I never liked to be in one place for very long. I got used to moving and liked meeting new people and discovering new cultures,” recalls Ramon.

Being raised Seventh Day Adventist, with a strict ethical code against the consumption of alcohol, Ramon did not have his first drink until age 19.  That all changed while in college. “That first night, I drank two forty-ounce beers. After that, I never drank casually. Drinking was all or nothing and I always drank to get drunk and I didn’t care about the consequences.”

Ramon’s “no-care” lifestyle would continue for another 15 years. Much like his childhood relocations, Ramon would often move to change the situations, yet his addictions would resurface. “Through the geographical moves, I now realize that I was the problem. I had always blamed my situations on other things.” Ramon moved to California to live with his sister, but his addiction resurfaced and he moved to Texas with his brother. “I thought that if I were around my brother, everything would get better. But I wasn’t happy and quickly started isolating myself. I moved back with my parents who were living in New Jersey, and repeated the process. My father got transferred to Maryland, and I moved too.  The pattern repeated: I got healthy again but started drinking.

In Baltimore, Ramon got arrested and while in detention asked, “God, this is it, I’m done. Please make something happen. That is when I met John. He said that he knew of a place that would help me. I did not see him again and I was released. We never exchanged information and I did not know how to find him.  But through coincidence, or more likely by GOD, John was there when I returned to get my things. And that is how I found Helping Up Mission.”

“The hardest thing about the Spiritual Recovery Program at HUM is living in a dorm with 30 guys, although it is cool how the men come from all walks of life. Learning to stay still, letting the ‘fog clear’, and taking direction were also hard at first. But they (staff) provide us with so much and there are so many opportunities to carry us through the year. I joined the choir and connected with the group Brothers in Prayer. I signed up for everything that HUM had to offer, like backpacking. I joined a recovery homegroup and attended Celebrate Recovery.”

Throughout the year I also stayed connected with John. He said he had a job opening for me when I was ready. At first, it was hard to find a job because of my past. But HUM helped me expunge my criminal record, and I work for John now at Sofi’s Crepes Fells Point. A job that I can walk to! It has been a blessing.

As Ramon looks ahead to his future, he is thankful for HUM teaching him to sit still and just letting God lead. “I passionately want to be a Peer Recovery Specialist. I want to help people get over the hump of addiction. I know what they are going through, and I want to show them how they can start from nothing and relearn what they know about God, religion, and recovery.”

“My relationship with God today is very personal. Recovery has really helped me see His love for humankind, but we must find out how to love ourselves first. God has given me the gift of being comfortable around people. Because of my upbringing, I trust people, and that is what I want to help instill in others. By trusting in God, like when I prayed to him from the detention center, He opened the door and placed John into my life.”

“Today, I am most thankful for my health and my life. My family stuck with me, even when I was reaching a point in my life where (it seemed) there was no coming back.   I am thankful for God bringing back my sanity (Recovery Step 2). And I am thankful for love allowing me to adapt to and accept people where they are. I am grateful for HUM healing me: spiritually, mentally, and physically. If I had the opportunity to go back and talk to myself on my first day I would say, ‘Ramon, you are at the right place. God brought you here. It’s starting now!’ “

Thanks to donors, volunteers, and partners like you, Ramon is well on his way to becoming a Peer Recovery Specialist. His true life-transformation is a testament to your generosity on many levels. And the hope that Ramon provides the men and women that we serve is immeasurable.

 

April 2020 Feature Story – Patrick C.

Years of gradual drinking finally caught up to Patrick and when he had nowhere left to turn, he came to Helping Up Mission (HUM).  Because of your generous donations, Patrick has grown spiritually, learned new life skills, and gotten out of his comfort zone.

Patrick, 32, was born in Catonsville, MD, and raised on a cul-de-sac in Howard County’s Ellicott City, MD. His parents separated and divorced when he was eight years old, spending weekends with his dad and the school week with his mom.

For Patrick, drinking was so gradual that there never was an “aha moment,” where he recognized his growing addiction.  During high school, Patrick would often attend parties and drink to fit in. After graduation, “I took two years off from school but decided to go back because that’s what all of my friends were doing. I enrolled at Community College of Baltimore County (CCBC), but all my friends went to a different college. I would go to class and I would immediately start thinking about where the party was. Why was I sitting in class?” Patrick began missing classes, and as they added up, he dropped out of CCBC.

During this time Patrick acquired a job as a bartender. “At first I was a bar back. They put me in charge of carrying and stocking all the beer and liquor. Since I oversaw inventory, I would take sips out of bottles, restock them and count them as full. Soon I was coming into work hungover and drunk, and my coworkers noticed.

As his drinking progressed to full-blown alcoholism, Patrick was kicked out of his then girlfriends house and after looking for places to stay, ended up in a hotel.  “I couldn’t find anything in my price range that would allow me to continue drinking. Sitting in my hotel room, fearing that my money would eventually run out. I didn’t know what I was going to do so I reached out to my parents and a few friends. Everyone was baffled as to what to do. They always say reach out for support, but no one was ready for it.

My father’s friend Marty finally stepped up and took me to Bayview Hospital for detox. He told my father that I was trying to change my life and he (my dad) needed to step up. So, my father picks me up from the hospital, takes me out for breakfast, and then drives me to HUM. The first week was hell. I got emotional, hid in a bathroom stall, and cried. I realized that I did have a bad problem, but I was in a place where I could finally take care of some things.

The first couple of months at HUM were great. Everything is taken care of for you. You don’t have to worry about anything, except for going to appointments, class, and work therapy.  You are here for yourself.  Before HUM, when I would deal with stressful situations, I could drink. Now I take a second, process the situation, and then deal with them. I’ve learned patience, which has helped me in my relationships. My dad and stepmom both said they were happy for me to become a productive member of society. I used to take offense to that, I thought a bartender does exactly that, he gives people what they want. But I now see where they are coming from and look forward to living the “American Dream.”

The program helped me spiritually through the classes.  I’m not necessarily a Bible guy, but I have always believed in a higher power. My grandmother taught us about the bible, but the classes taught me to see things from a different perspective. Everyone wants to be a good productive person, but unless they think about it differently, they are thinking about it like an addict or alcoholic. Through the program, I have also taken part in the choir, equine therapy, and attended weekend outings at Camp Wabanna. It was nice to just get away for the weekend and have a break from the daily structure at HUM.

Patrick’s final work therapy assignment was with HUM’s IT department. “I have always wondered how things work and the thought processes associated with technology. As an intern in the IT department, I take care of all the electronics, computers, scanners, and help solve problems when something goes down. Recently, I started putting out my application and accepted an IT position at a company in Tampa, Florida. After graduation, I will spend a week with my father and then move down to Florida with my mother and start my new job.

Thanks to generous contributions from people like you, Patrick has gotten out of his comfort zone.  I realize that life-transformation is never too late. At HUM, you can find the drive to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You must make decisions that will benefit you and help you get there.  So, if you do hit rock bottom, and have nowhere left to turn, come to Helping Up Mission. You will not be by yourself. Getting out of your comfort zone is one of the most vital things you can do for your recovery. Because if you go back into your comfort zone, you’re never going to change!

Thanks to your committed support, Graham (age 49) is rebuilding the relationships that eluded him during childhood.  Graham was born in Winchester, Virginia to good, hardworking parents and has a younger sister. But stability was not a part of his upbringing. “We moved twenty times by the end of high school. At a young age, I never felt part of anything and found it difficult making lasting friends,” recalls Graham.

By age 11, Graham started smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol.  “At first, using was purely ‘social lubrication’ but, I quickly realized that I was a full-blown alcoholic because my father was one as far back as I can remember. Therefore, Alcoholics Anonymous had always been in my life. But in high school, drinking was more like a badge of honor. I was the boy that your parents didn’t want you to hang out with. A big issue was my lack of discipline at home – a big resentment that I am working on today. During school, the vagabond lifestyle appealed to me, fueled by constant moving during childhood, I packed my things and followed the Grateful Dead group from the age of 14 until 17. I was a dirty hippy drug addict, living in school buses.  I ended up being asked to leave school my senior year for my absences.

At age 19, Graham was smoking crack cocaine and burglarizing houses. “I got arrested and the FBI got involved since we were moving stolen property from state to state. I served 3 years and left prison the same guy that entered. I was a “good boy”, doing what I was supposed to do. It was only because of a court order that I went to my first treatment center and got my first clean time. For my 30th birthday I rewarded myself and got high.”

In spite of his addictions, Graham was seemingly living the American Dream, he had a good job, a house, and a wife (who was sober, and she thought that he was…). His using continued and the marriage ultimately failed. They had a son, but divorced when he was two, and everything has been downhill since.

After the divorce Graham lived through “a series of messes, including homelessness, treatment centers, lockups, and moving to get away.” A trait that he learned from his childhood.

In 2015, Graham was living homeless in Rochester, New York. “My parents came and got me, and I returned home. Once again, I was living without discipline, drinking and going stir-crazy. That is when my sister intervened. She did some research and discovered Helping Up Mission. She dropped me off out front and I stood across the street smoking cigarettes. My vagabond ways almost took me out of Baltimore, but I walked through HUM’s doors – for the first time.”

Graham graduated from our Spiritual Recovery Program and was hired in the Maintenance Department. Two years later he relapsed and was let go. “Due to the stress of my prior relationship difficulties, I tried too hard to appease others. Over time, I stopped going to meetings and taking care of myself.”

In June of 2019, he came back to HUM. For the first time in Graham’s life, he asked for help. When asked what he is doing differently this time, Graham responded,” I no longer have the lurking notion of reservation. I now feel that I am finally a part of something. I have a sponsor and a home group. I am rebuilding relationships. I go out with my sister and we talk for hours about how we are more alike than different. I have reached out to my parents to tell them that I love them. My son is finally reaching out to me, which is scary, but with the help of my therapist I’m continuing to rebuild relationships.”

“My Spirituality and Faith are also different this time. I’ve always been a believer, but I had a hard time searching for answers. The Mission, notably Mike Rallo (Spiritual Life Director), and Pastor Gary Byers (Former Deputy Director) changed that for me through the way that they teach. I read the Bible every day. I go to HUM’s library and read books on Christianity. And with my sponsor’s help, I got down on my knees and prayed for the first time in my life.”

“When I came back to HUM, Kevin Healey (Assistant Director of Programs) told me to ‘take a year, relax and get to know myself.’ So that is what I am doing. After I graduate, I will attend CCBC to study psychology.

Today, I can finally say that I am reasonably happy. Everything that I need the HUM provides. I walked in here with nothing besides the clothes on my back and I have been taken care of. Thank you to the donors and the staff, because of you I protect and value Helping Up Mission.”

To read more of Graham’s story, visit helpingupmission.org/stories/grahamp

 

Allen, 39, was born at St. Joseph’s hospital in Towson, Maryland and raised in Edgewood, Maryland.  Allen had a “normal childhood”, playing sports and music.  He had his first drink at age 16 and immediately felt horrible. But that didn’t stop Allen, and he continued to drink for the next 22 years. “I just kept drinking, every day, and did not stop until I was 38.”

He viewed alcohol as a ‘social lubricant.’ “I had always been an introvert, but when I started drinking, I became very extroverted.  With alcohol, I became the opposite of my normal self, and I didn’t care what people thought of me.”

Ten years into Allen’s heavy drinking, he realized that he had a problem. “I always knew that I had become an alcoholic, but I didn’t care.  I enjoyed drinking too much and I was not going to stop. Everything was about drinking. Despite my drinking, I managed to keep jobs, because I had a strong work ethic. But I didn’t want to do anything else, unless it involved alcohol.” At some point, Allen turned toward isolation, “I just wanted to be alone and drink. I didn’t even want to hang out with my wife.”

Allen eventually lost his job, and then started a destructive cycle of drinking and passing out.  “My wife couldn’t bear it anymore. She told me that she was going to leave, but I kept drinking all day, every day. I don’t remember most of the last three months before I came to Helping Up Mission (HUM) in August 2018. It was a three-month blackout of complete inebriation.”

Allen hit “rock bottom” one morning, when he came out of a blackout and felt different.  “These weren’t the normal shakes associated with withdrawal. I could feel it in my legs and in the back of my head.  The alcoholic in me said ‘go to the liquor store.’ I tried, but I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t control the steering wheel. I blacked out again and crashed my car. It was in a ditch completely crushed. I had no injuries, not even a scratch. I woke up on a stretcher and didn’t even know what had happened!”

“I detoxed at a hospital and it was rough. I don’t remember much of my hospital experience, except that people had to help me stand and even use the bathroom. I completed my detox, went home, and after two days I drank again. I knew it was insane. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I came to HUM.”

For a long time, Allen didn’t know the real reason he came to HUM until he was reminded by his mother the day he graduated from our one-year Spiritual Recovery Program (SRP). “My mother suggested that I should thank the two guys that told me about HUM. I had no idea what she was talking about… She then reminded me that two Peer Recovery Specialists at the Upper Chesapeake Medical Hospital in Belair were the reason I made it to HUM.”

When Allen arrived at HUM, his first thoughts were “How do I get out of here and drink?” A few weeks later he heard “a voice” in the back of his head say, “stay here a little while longer.” “Every day, every week that went by, I was a little happier to stay at HUM. And then I realized that I needed to do this for myself. Drinking is not what I want at all. I don’t want to die. And I have to start doing something different to combat this compulsion that I have to drink, and say NO to it.”

One thing that really helped Allen during his year in the SRP was being in a community of 500 men. “We all understand this disease and we all suffer from it. Although we’ve worked hard to manage the problem, the problem is still there. We need to be aware, to control our actions.”

Allen also drew closer to GOD while at HUM.  “I always believed in God, but I never talked to Him like I do now. One night I said to God, ‘if You can help take some of my anxiety away, I will keep my eyes open and look for You.’ After adopting this approach, my anxiety lessened, and I started to sleep like a normal human being. Ever since I started talking to God, things have changed for the better.”

After 15 months at HUM, Allen was ready and to return home with his parents and finish his college degree. “I am excited about the process of going to school and doing something different!”

Allen plans to stay connected to HUM. “HUM gives men the opportunity to change, which I greatly appreciate, because HUM saved my life. I plan on coming back to volunteer and do whatever I can to help. I want to still be a part of this program, because this place means a lot to people that have nowhere else to go for help.”

Devin will be running for Team HUM at the 2019 Baltimore Running Festival (BRF). The journey that led him to this point was not always smooth, but his transformation enables him to maintain structure in his life. He runs to support all men and women struggling with addiction and homelessness.

Devin, 30, was born and raised in the Owings Mills neighborhood of Reisterstown, Maryland. “I was always athletic. I played football, basketball, baseball, and ran track. My father really got me into sports, he played baseball his whole life. I was good at all of them until I broke my femur playing football at age 12. It took me a while to heal, but I attended Mount Saint Joseph High School in Irvington and continued to play sports.”

“Everything was going well until my parents divorced when I was 18. I moved to Edmondson Village with my mother, which is when my active addiction began.  I started hanging out with my friends from Mt. St. Joseph and my mindset changed. I started thinking and reacting differently to life, and developed a sense of paranoia.  I had to look over my shoulder all of the time. I thought I had to be on point with my movements, the way I acted, the way I thought, and the way I talked. I was drinking, partying and doing illegal things.”

After high school, Devin briefly attended Delaware State University to play football. Unfortunately, he made some bad decisions during his first winter break and got locked up.  At the age of 19, he would spend a couple of months at the Baltimore City Detention Center. The case was ultimately non-processed, because Devin was “in the wrong place at the wrong time”.   “It messed my head up, I didn’t know how to deal with going back to the old neighborhood upon release.”

“I started drinking every day, hanging out with my friends, and partying.  I did this for the first decade of my adult life.. I became depressed—this  was not how I wanted to live. I could do better than this.  I have always had people say that I had all the potential in the world, I just didn’t know which route to take to make my life better and get out of the depression.”

“My mother gave me an ultimatum. She said, “Devin, you can either go to Helping Up Mission (HUM), or you can get out of my house forever.” My mother learned about HUM through my father’s sister who gets her hair done by a guy that does the Tuesday meetings in the rec room. I fought this weekly with excuses until I finally said okay. I’ll go. I surrender. And coming to HUM is the best choice that I ever made in my life.”

“HUM is a breath of fresh air. All of the negativity of the outside world went away, and I started adjusting to the daily structure of Mission life. Before I came in, I wasn’t too fond of people telling me what to do, but I learned to humble myself and began taking direction.”

The structure that aided Devin took new meaning when he started running again. “I was working out every day in the gym, but my stomach wasn’t going anywhere. I signed up with Back On My Feet, to begin a running program.  Getting up at 5:30am began to push me mentally, and when I started running I started realizing that I was capable of more than I thought. One mile became two, and three miles became four.  Running is a metaphor for recovery.  I have a network of people who will not let me quit. It is a great thing just to be able to do something with a group of people who want the same things out of life.”

“Today I work in Client Services.  I get to meet all of the new guys and help them get what they need, like health insurance. My mother always told me, “Devin, you are a rescuer, you have the heart to help the next man.” I truly bond with them and answer their questions. I love it.”

On October 19, Devin will be running in the half marathon at the BRF. He has been training hard and is ready to push himself to see how far he can go. “Representing Team HUM is an honor, and to be noticed means that I am doing the right things in my Mission life.”

After the BRF, Devin hopes to serve his country by joining the NAVY as a helicopter pilot. A year ago, structure was one of his sticking points. But today, structure is a necessary part of a balanced life. “HUM has shown me that you really can do anything that you want in life. You just have to apply yourself.”

“Before coming to HUM, I knew that there was a God out there, I just didn’t understand His way.

Today I pray every night before I go to bed, and every morning while I run. Coming to HUM saved my life, I’d probably be dead or in prison otherwise. The greater reward is worth the try.”

Paul P, 61, was born in Baltimore City. He was the youngest of four boys, raised in a family that liked to drink. “I remember my mother constantly, albeit gently, reminding my father to please not drink a lot. And my dad would say “sure honey, I promise that I won’t.” By age 7, in order to be a part of the family, Paul learned to mix cocktails and sooned crafted Harvey Wallbangers for the men and Whiskey Sours for the women. “I had no desire to drink, I just wanted to have fun and fit in. This was my family’s way of life, they loved to drink.”

“I withheld drinking right up to the legal age of 18, when at my high school graduation I drank to celebrate becoming an adult. I remember drinking beer and at some point I switched to Southern Comfort.” Paul’s first and overzealous experience with alcohol led to vomiting profusely throughout the night. It  was enough for Paul to experience the negative effects of drinking, and he quit the next day. He stayed sober until he turned 35.

After graduating from Towson University, Paul moved to New York City to pursue a career in theatre, his passion. After a successful period in show business, he joined the corporate world as a telecommunications trainer. Although he found happiness and success, Paul was not prepared for a looming trauma that would launch him toward alcoholism.

On the morning of September 11, 2001, Paul was on his way to a business meeting at the World Trade Center. He had just boarded a subway train at Grand Central Station when the first plane hit the North Tower. In that moment, while in the subway, everything stopped. “I was stuck and terrorized.”  The events of 9/11 traumatized him so irreparably that he packed up and moved to Atlanta, where he began drinking heavily in isolation.

“I kept a pantry stacked with empty wine and vodka bottles from floor to ceiling. I was so ashamed of my drinking and the quantity of bottles, that on recycling days I would disperse them evenly throughout my neighborhood trash bins. And yet, a highly functioning alcoholic, I was able to work and maintain my daily schedule.”

“Around this time I became increasingly involved in ministry at St. Mark United Methodist Church in Atlanta. I reconnected with my theatrical inner spirit by writing, directing, choreographing, and acting in their drama ministry.” In 2017, Paul’s overindulgent drinking caught up with him. The church’s Pastor recognized his struggles with alcohol and alerted Paul’s brother David to the fact thatPaul needed help.  The family that Paul tried so hard to fit into immediately sprung into action and offered an intervention. They got him onto a flight to Baltimore and when he arrived they witnessed how bad his addiction had become. Paul couldn’t walk. The tremors from his new withdrawal rendered his legs useless and he had to be brought to the car via a wheelchair.  Paul was broken.

Upon returning to Maryland, Paul was admitted to a thirty day program at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda (NIH).  “This was physical recovery, I could walk again. Immediately upon discharge from NIH, my brother brought me to Helping Up Mission (HUM). After the intake process, David kept asking if I was going to be OK? And I said,” I’m going to be fine, this is good, I am where I need to be.”

During his first Friday chapel, (which is open to the public at 1:30pm) Paul heard our HUM Choir and Band perform for the first time and immediately asked “Miss Kim” (HUM Board Member and Choir Director Kim Lewis) to join. Once again, Paul found where he needed to be.

For the first six months of his one-year Spiritual Recovery Program, Paul traveled with the Choir all over the Greater Baltimore Area to sing at churches and community events. Engaging with other people through an activity he loves enabled Paul to feel accepted within his community.

After his blackout period (45 days of limited communication) ended, Paul became heavily involved in another community– Alcoholics Anonymous. “I got a home group at Canton Beginners; where I am now the secretary, got a sponsor, and started doing the 12 Steps.  I also started attending and participating in institutional commitments. Going out into the surrounding areas and meeting like-minded people, struggling with their own addictions where they are. I enjoy the camaraderie.”

Paul’s Work Therapy Assignments included work in the Philanthropy office, where he developed his interpersonal skills with donors. His new role as Graduate Library Intern enables him to give back to the men we serve.  “I work closely with Miss Betty, the library volunteer administrator, to coordinate and develop the book orders. But the most satisfying aspect of my job is helping the men use the computer, many for the first time! I’m just giving back to the place that saved my life.”

Currently, Paul is performing again with the Baltimore Men’s Chorus, where he recently directed and choreographed a cabaret at Spotlighters Theatre downtown. He is heavily involved at the Gallery Church Baltimore, his home church, working with Lead Pastor Ellis Prince.  Thanks to you, Paul has found a new family.

Frank, 39, was born and raised in the Towson area of Baltimore, Maryland. He grew up in a loving Catholic family that provided him with everything that he needed. A talented soccer player, Frank eventually joined the Maryland Olympic Team. “I thought that I had everything,” he says.

At the age of ten, Frank was offered his first drink. An older family friend brought him a six-pack to help celebrate New Year’s Eve. “She was like an older sister to me, and I brought the beers up to my room and drank them alone. I immediately liked the feeling,” he remembers. This early introduction to alcohol led him to begin drinking regularly, and he even started drinking at school. Frank would sneak a couple of beers during his middle school dances, and noticed that the beers no longer affected him. His school drinking progressed. During his freshman year at Calvert Hall, Frank brought a water bottle filled with alcohol to a dance, which led to suspension. It was his first time getting in trouble for drinking.

To Frank, drinking was a way to fit in at first. ”I really enjoyed the feeling that alcohol gave me. It was my solution for social anxiety and any pain that I was going through.” As much as Frank believed that alcohol helped him socially, it had the opposite effect in reality. Soon he was drinking by himself in his room.

Having developed from such a young age, Frank’s addiction began to interfere with his life. Frank received his first DUI before beginning his freshman year at Essex Community College. He received his second DUI one week later, and a third before the end of the year. His drinking was starting to affect his ability to play soccer, which was stressful for him.

In 1998, Frank’s family recognized his continuously growing problem, and he attended his first recovery program. Soon he met a girl who was also in recovery, at the recovery house he managed in Frederick, MD. The relationship progressed quickly, and the newly sober couple got married shortly after she got pregnant. “I was young and started drinking again. I couldn’t stay stopped. My life was unmanageable. We had a second child and the marriage soon crumbled into an unhealthy relationship,” Frank remembers. Due to his drinking, Frank lost his job in the Steamfitters Union and moved back to Baltimore.

In 2017, Frank was sick and tired of being sick and tired. “I tried every way to get my life back on track—my behaviors, jobs, and relationships. I knew that my friend from Calvert Hall, Matthew Joseph, was working at Helping Up as HUM Treatment Coordinator, and I talked to him about coming in. Three times I walked through the door. The first time, I wasn’t ready; the second time, I needed detox; and finally on the third time they let me in. It was hard coming through the doors. I wasn’t proud to be a HUM guy.”

Today Frank has a very different perspective. “I can help somebody else by showing them what I’m doing. My life is in a better place because I’m here.” Frank is now an intern in the Workforce Development Program. “If it wasn’t for being an intern and having the guidance of Brett Hartnett, Education & Workforce Development Administrator, and Matt Brown, Education and Workforce Development Manager, I would have left HUM. They gave me purpose,” Frank says.

In December, 2018, Frank graduated our one-year Spiritual Recovery Program and now accepts life on life’s terms. “HUM has transformed my life and changed who I am today. I’m a different person, and I enjoy helping the men through career development, applying for jobs, and taking assessment tests. I like showing them that they can take the worst possible things in their lives and turn them into assets.” Frank started taking Peer Recovery Coach classes and also graduated from the Community College of Baltimore County with his Associate’s Degree. Soon he will attend The University of Baltimore to pursue a degree in Business Management. He plans on staying active in the substance abuse recovery field.

”I’ve become mentally, physically, and spiritually better at HUM, and being here has given me the time to recover. I grew up Catholic, and the presence of God here at HUM is everywhere. God is back in my life, I can feel Him. Here, God works through so many people and I thank Him for bringing tears to my eyes. Tears of Joy.”

Thanks to You Frank has Tears of Joy.

“I like showing people that they can take the worst possible things in their lives and turn them into assets.”

Kedrick, 51, born and raised in the Mount Washington neighborhood of Baltimore, MD. Although he was raised by two working parents who both retired from the State, his mother would often tell him that “we are poor compared to our neighbors”. Her intent was to keep Kedrick humble, but her comments instilled a sense of inadequacy that Kedrick fought hard to overcome.

Kedrick’s life was fairly comfortable, with plenty of opportunities. His mother made efforts to expose him to culture, while his dad tutored him in math and reading. At age 13 his parents divorced. His father’s drinking and violence toward his mother crumbled his family, and were the basis of other childhood traumas that led to Kedrick’s own drinking. “I drank to escape,” he recalls.

Kedricks found solace in the presence of his oldest sister Barbara. “She was a true big sister and a huge asset, I always wanted to be with her”. Just like his mother, Barbara fell victim to an abusive relationship, and was murdered while Kedrick was in his freshman year of college at West Virginia Wesleyan. Reeling from the loss, Kedrick thought that a change of location might improve his circumstances. He transferred to the University of New Haven.

“I drank alone, and I drank for the effect.”

Uprooted and grieving, Kedrick’s drinking took a turn for the worse. “I began drinking to fall asleep and numb my loss,” he says, “I drank alone, and I drank for the effect.”  He began to recognize his addiction manifesting itself in him as it had his father before him. Kedrick started going to Al-Anon to seek help, deflecting the admission of his problem. At age 22, Kedrick eventually made it to his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

“I was a functioning alcoholic,” he remembers. Kedrick received his degree in Creative Writing at Vermont College, and he believed it was the beginning of a new chapter. “School was a means for ‘everything to be ok’, ‘I’ll be fine, I won’t drink anymore. I won’t be an alcoholic. I won’t feel less than.”

After finishing his degree he immediately entered an International Journalism Master’s Degree Program at City, University of London.

“The degrees didn’t fix me,” he reflects, “I still felt incomplete and empty. I always sought God, but I came up short. I moved a lot, to escape, to reinvent myself. Changing places meant always starting over, often times failing.”

In 2018 Kedrick would drink alone while listening to Christian music. He stopped socializing for the most part, and finally came to the revelation that he was tired of his struggle. He quit his job, called his family (who were unaware of his relapse), and checked himself into Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center for detox. While in Bayview, a counselor suggested another program for him to begin his recovery. “I was ready to leave and seek a Christian program, at first I called Salvation Army, but I kept hearing good stories about Helping Up Mission (HUM).”

Something deeper inside me said give HUM a try

Kedrick felt, “A year long program surrounded by so many people did not seem appealing, but something deeper inside me said give HUM a try.”

Today Kedrick celebrates 8 months of sobriety at HUM, and he feels acceptance and adjusted to life on life’s terms. He says that, “a lack of acceptance, patience, and tolerance was my downfall”, and “the staff of the Helping Up Mission has been a blessing, by helping me realize my true potential. It’s not all about me, It’s bigger than me, It’s a collective and they’re there to help me, so I must make the effort to help another.”

Before HUM, Kedrick’s writing was published in two Maryland newspapers, as well as in West Virginia, and London. He also held editor and columnist jobs in regional newspapers. While at HUM, Kedrick has used his writing skills to benefit the Inspiring Hope Campaign Newsletter for the Women’s and Children’s center.   Kedrick is the Editor in Chief  of our very own HUM Gazette — A newspaper by and for our HUM clients. Kedrick muses, “Seeing other guys get excited, and interested in writing… I enjoy the thrill that they receive when they see their names in print. It’s one of the ways that I give back.”

Today Kedrick has a homegroup, a sponsor, a home-church — The Carpenter’s House of Baltimore, where he is the Assistant Editor of their newsletter; and he is working the 12 steps of AA. Remembering what his mother instilled in him about monetary wealth, Kedrick’s favorite verse is:

Matthew 6:19-21 New International Version (NIV)

Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.