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Thanks to your committed support, Graham (age 49) is rebuilding the relationships that eluded him during childhood.  Graham was born in Winchester, Virginia to good, hardworking parents and has a younger sister. But stability was not a part of his upbringing. “We moved twenty times by the end of high school. At a young age, I never felt part of anything and found it difficult making lasting friends,” recalls Graham.

By age 11, Graham started smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol.  “At first, using was purely ‘social lubrication’ but, I quickly realized that I was a full-blown alcoholic because my father was one as far back as I can remember. Therefore, Alcoholics Anonymous had always been in my life. But in high school, drinking was more like a badge of honor. I was the boy that your parents didn’t want you to hang out with. A big issue was my lack of discipline at home – a big resentment that I am working on today. During school, the vagabond lifestyle appealed to me, fueled by constant moving during childhood, I packed my things and followed the Grateful Dead group from the age of 14 until 17. I was a dirty hippy drug addict, living in school buses.  I ended up being asked to leave school my senior year for my absences.

At age 19, Graham was smoking crack cocaine and burglarizing houses. “I got arrested and the FBI got involved since we were moving stolen property from state to state. I served 3 years and left prison the same guy that entered. I was a “good boy”, doing what I was supposed to do. It was only because of a court order that I went to my first treatment center and got my first clean time. For my 30th birthday I rewarded myself and got high.”

In spite of his addictions, Graham was seemingly living the American Dream, he had a good job, a house, and a wife (who was sober, and she thought that he was…). His using continued and the marriage ultimately failed. They had a son, but divorced when he was two, and everything has been downhill since.

After the divorce Graham lived through “a series of messes, including homelessness, treatment centers, lockups, and moving to get away.” A trait that he learned from his childhood.

In 2015, Graham was living homeless in Rochester, New York. “My parents came and got me, and I returned home. Once again, I was living without discipline, drinking and going stir-crazy. That is when my sister intervened. She did some research and discovered Helping Up Mission. She dropped me off out front and I stood across the street smoking cigarettes. My vagabond ways almost took me out of Baltimore, but I walked through HUM’s doors – for the first time.”

Graham graduated from our Spiritual Recovery Program and was hired in the Maintenance Department. Two years later he relapsed and was let go. “Due to the stress of my prior relationship difficulties, I tried too hard to appease others. Over time, I stopped going to meetings and taking care of myself.”

In June of 2019, he came back to HUM. For the first time in Graham’s life, he asked for help. When asked what he is doing differently this time, Graham responded,” I no longer have the lurking notion of reservation. I now feel that I am finally a part of something. I have a sponsor and a home group. I am rebuilding relationships. I go out with my sister and we talk for hours about how we are more alike than different. I have reached out to my parents to tell them that I love them. My son is finally reaching out to me, which is scary, but with the help of my therapist I’m continuing to rebuild relationships.”

“My Spirituality and Faith are also different this time. I’ve always been a believer, but I had a hard time searching for answers. The Mission, notably Mike Rallo (Spiritual Life Director), and Pastor Gary Byers (Former Deputy Director) changed that for me through the way that they teach. I read the Bible every day. I go to HUM’s library and read books on Christianity. And with my sponsor’s help, I got down on my knees and prayed for the first time in my life.”

“When I came back to HUM, Kevin Healey (Assistant Director of Programs) told me to ‘take a year, relax and get to know myself.’ So that is what I am doing. After I graduate, I will attend CCBC to study psychology.

Today, I can finally say that I am reasonably happy. Everything that I need the HUM provides. I walked in here with nothing besides the clothes on my back and I have been taken care of. Thank you to the donors and the staff, because of you I protect and value Helping Up Mission.”

To read more of Graham’s story, visit helpingupmission.org/stories/grahamp

 

Allen, 39, was born at St. Joseph’s hospital in Towson, Maryland and raised in Edgewood, Maryland.  Allen had a “normal childhood”, playing sports and music.  He had his first drink at age 16 and immediately felt horrible. But that didn’t stop Allen, and he continued to drink for the next 22 years. “I just kept drinking, every day, and did not stop until I was 38.”

He viewed alcohol as a ‘social lubricant.’ “I had always been an introvert, but when I started drinking, I became very extroverted.  With alcohol, I became the opposite of my normal self, and I didn’t care what people thought of me.”

Ten years into Allen’s heavy drinking, he realized that he had a problem. “I always knew that I had become an alcoholic, but I didn’t care.  I enjoyed drinking too much and I was not going to stop. Everything was about drinking. Despite my drinking, I managed to keep jobs, because I had a strong work ethic. But I didn’t want to do anything else, unless it involved alcohol.” At some point, Allen turned toward isolation, “I just wanted to be alone and drink. I didn’t even want to hang out with my wife.”

Allen eventually lost his job, and then started a destructive cycle of drinking and passing out.  “My wife couldn’t bear it anymore. She told me that she was going to leave, but I kept drinking all day, every day. I don’t remember most of the last three months before I came to Helping Up Mission (HUM) in August 2018. It was a three-month blackout of complete inebriation.”

Allen hit “rock bottom” one morning, when he came out of a blackout and felt different.  “These weren’t the normal shakes associated with withdrawal. I could feel it in my legs and in the back of my head.  The alcoholic in me said ‘go to the liquor store.’ I tried, but I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t control the steering wheel. I blacked out again and crashed my car. It was in a ditch completely crushed. I had no injuries, not even a scratch. I woke up on a stretcher and didn’t even know what had happened!”

“I detoxed at a hospital and it was rough. I don’t remember much of my hospital experience, except that people had to help me stand and even use the bathroom. I completed my detox, went home, and after two days I drank again. I knew it was insane. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I came to HUM.”

For a long time, Allen didn’t know the real reason he came to HUM until he was reminded by his mother the day he graduated from our one-year Spiritual Recovery Program (SRP). “My mother suggested that I should thank the two guys that told me about HUM. I had no idea what she was talking about… She then reminded me that two Peer Recovery Specialists at the Upper Chesapeake Medical Hospital in Belair were the reason I made it to HUM.”

When Allen arrived at HUM, his first thoughts were “How do I get out of here and drink?” A few weeks later he heard “a voice” in the back of his head say, “stay here a little while longer.” “Every day, every week that went by, I was a little happier to stay at HUM. And then I realized that I needed to do this for myself. Drinking is not what I want at all. I don’t want to die. And I have to start doing something different to combat this compulsion that I have to drink, and say NO to it.”

One thing that really helped Allen during his year in the SRP was being in a community of 500 men. “We all understand this disease and we all suffer from it. Although we’ve worked hard to manage the problem, the problem is still there. We need to be aware, to control our actions.”

Allen also drew closer to GOD while at HUM.  “I always believed in God, but I never talked to Him like I do now. One night I said to God, ‘if You can help take some of my anxiety away, I will keep my eyes open and look for You.’ After adopting this approach, my anxiety lessened, and I started to sleep like a normal human being. Ever since I started talking to God, things have changed for the better.”

After 15 months at HUM, Allen was ready and to return home with his parents and finish his college degree. “I am excited about the process of going to school and doing something different!”

Allen plans to stay connected to HUM. “HUM gives men the opportunity to change, which I greatly appreciate, because HUM saved my life. I plan on coming back to volunteer and do whatever I can to help. I want to still be a part of this program, because this place means a lot to people that have nowhere else to go for help.”

Devin will be running for Team HUM at the 2019 Baltimore Running Festival (BRF). The journey that led him to this point was not always smooth, but his transformation enables him to maintain structure in his life. He runs to support all men and women struggling with addiction and homelessness.

Devin, 30, was born and raised in the Owings Mills neighborhood of Reisterstown, Maryland. “I was always athletic. I played football, basketball, baseball, and ran track. My father really got me into sports, he played baseball his whole life. I was good at all of them until I broke my femur playing football at age 12. It took me a while to heal, but I attended Mount Saint Joseph High School in Irvington and continued to play sports.”

“Everything was going well until my parents divorced when I was 18. I moved to Edmondson Village with my mother, which is when my active addiction began.  I started hanging out with my friends from Mt. St. Joseph and my mindset changed. I started thinking and reacting differently to life, and developed a sense of paranoia.  I had to look over my shoulder all of the time. I thought I had to be on point with my movements, the way I acted, the way I thought, and the way I talked. I was drinking, partying and doing illegal things.”

After high school, Devin briefly attended Delaware State University to play football. Unfortunately, he made some bad decisions during his first winter break and got locked up.  At the age of 19, he would spend a couple of months at the Baltimore City Detention Center. The case was ultimately non-processed, because Devin was “in the wrong place at the wrong time”.   “It messed my head up, I didn’t know how to deal with going back to the old neighborhood upon release.”

“I started drinking every day, hanging out with my friends, and partying.  I did this for the first decade of my adult life.. I became depressed—this  was not how I wanted to live. I could do better than this.  I have always had people say that I had all the potential in the world, I just didn’t know which route to take to make my life better and get out of the depression.”

“My mother gave me an ultimatum. She said, “Devin, you can either go to Helping Up Mission (HUM), or you can get out of my house forever.” My mother learned about HUM through my father’s sister who gets her hair done by a guy that does the Tuesday meetings in the rec room. I fought this weekly with excuses until I finally said okay. I’ll go. I surrender. And coming to HUM is the best choice that I ever made in my life.”

“HUM is a breath of fresh air. All of the negativity of the outside world went away, and I started adjusting to the daily structure of Mission life. Before I came in, I wasn’t too fond of people telling me what to do, but I learned to humble myself and began taking direction.”

The structure that aided Devin took new meaning when he started running again. “I was working out every day in the gym, but my stomach wasn’t going anywhere. I signed up with Back On My Feet, to begin a running program.  Getting up at 5:30am began to push me mentally, and when I started running I started realizing that I was capable of more than I thought. One mile became two, and three miles became four.  Running is a metaphor for recovery.  I have a network of people who will not let me quit. It is a great thing just to be able to do something with a group of people who want the same things out of life.”

“Today I work in Client Services.  I get to meet all of the new guys and help them get what they need, like health insurance. My mother always told me, “Devin, you are a rescuer, you have the heart to help the next man.” I truly bond with them and answer their questions. I love it.”

On October 19, Devin will be running in the half marathon at the BRF. He has been training hard and is ready to push himself to see how far he can go. “Representing Team HUM is an honor, and to be noticed means that I am doing the right things in my Mission life.”

After the BRF, Devin hopes to serve his country by joining the NAVY as a helicopter pilot. A year ago, structure was one of his sticking points. But today, structure is a necessary part of a balanced life. “HUM has shown me that you really can do anything that you want in life. You just have to apply yourself.”

“Before coming to HUM, I knew that there was a God out there, I just didn’t understand His way.

Today I pray every night before I go to bed, and every morning while I run. Coming to HUM saved my life, I’d probably be dead or in prison otherwise. The greater reward is worth the try.”

Paul P, 61, was born in Baltimore City. He was the youngest of four boys, raised in a family that liked to drink. “I remember my mother constantly, albeit gently, reminding my father to please not drink a lot. And my dad would say “sure honey, I promise that I won’t.” By age 7, in order to be a part of the family, Paul learned to mix cocktails and sooned crafted Harvey Wallbangers for the men and Whiskey Sours for the women. “I had no desire to drink, I just wanted to have fun and fit in. This was my family’s way of life, they loved to drink.”

“I withheld drinking right up to the legal age of 18, when at my high school graduation I drank to celebrate becoming an adult. I remember drinking beer and at some point I switched to Southern Comfort.” Paul’s first and overzealous experience with alcohol led to vomiting profusely throughout the night. It  was enough for Paul to experience the negative effects of drinking, and he quit the next day. He stayed sober until he turned 35.

After graduating from Towson University, Paul moved to New York City to pursue a career in theatre, his passion. After a successful period in show business, he joined the corporate world as a telecommunications trainer. Although he found happiness and success, Paul was not prepared for a looming trauma that would launch him toward alcoholism.

On the morning of September 11, 2001, Paul was on his way to a business meeting at the World Trade Center. He had just boarded a subway train at Grand Central Station when the first plane hit the North Tower. In that moment, while in the subway, everything stopped. “I was stuck and terrorized.”  The events of 9/11 traumatized him so irreparably that he packed up and moved to Atlanta, where he began drinking heavily in isolation.

“I kept a pantry stacked with empty wine and vodka bottles from floor to ceiling. I was so ashamed of my drinking and the quantity of bottles, that on recycling days I would disperse them evenly throughout my neighborhood trash bins. And yet, a highly functioning alcoholic, I was able to work and maintain my daily schedule.”

“Around this time I became increasingly involved in ministry at St. Mark United Methodist Church in Atlanta. I reconnected with my theatrical inner spirit by writing, directing, choreographing, and acting in their drama ministry.” In 2017, Paul’s overindulgent drinking caught up with him. The church’s Pastor recognized his struggles with alcohol and alerted Paul’s brother David to the fact thatPaul needed help.  The family that Paul tried so hard to fit into immediately sprung into action and offered an intervention. They got him onto a flight to Baltimore and when he arrived they witnessed how bad his addiction had become. Paul couldn’t walk. The tremors from his new withdrawal rendered his legs useless and he had to be brought to the car via a wheelchair.  Paul was broken.

Upon returning to Maryland, Paul was admitted to a thirty day program at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda (NIH).  “This was physical recovery, I could walk again. Immediately upon discharge from NIH, my brother brought me to Helping Up Mission (HUM). After the intake process, David kept asking if I was going to be OK? And I said,” I’m going to be fine, this is good, I am where I need to be.”

During his first Friday chapel, (which is open to the public at 1:30pm) Paul heard our HUM Choir and Band perform for the first time and immediately asked “Miss Kim” (HUM Board Member and Choir Director Kim Lewis) to join. Once again, Paul found where he needed to be.

For the first six months of his one-year Spiritual Recovery Program, Paul traveled with the Choir all over the Greater Baltimore Area to sing at churches and community events. Engaging with other people through an activity he loves enabled Paul to feel accepted within his community.

After his blackout period (45 days of limited communication) ended, Paul became heavily involved in another community– Alcoholics Anonymous. “I got a home group at Canton Beginners; where I am now the secretary, got a sponsor, and started doing the 12 Steps.  I also started attending and participating in institutional commitments. Going out into the surrounding areas and meeting like-minded people, struggling with their own addictions where they are. I enjoy the camaraderie.”

Paul’s Work Therapy Assignments included work in the Philanthropy office, where he developed his interpersonal skills with donors. His new role as Graduate Library Intern enables him to give back to the men we serve.  “I work closely with Miss Betty, the library volunteer administrator, to coordinate and develop the book orders. But the most satisfying aspect of my job is helping the men use the computer, many for the first time! I’m just giving back to the place that saved my life.”

Currently, Paul is performing again with the Baltimore Men’s Chorus, where he recently directed and choreographed a cabaret at Spotlighters Theatre downtown. He is heavily involved at the Gallery Church Baltimore, his home church, working with Lead Pastor Ellis Prince.  Thanks to you, Paul has found a new family.

Frank, 39, was born and raised in the Towson area of Baltimore, Maryland. He grew up in a loving Catholic family that provided him with everything that he needed. A talented soccer player, Frank eventually joined the Maryland Olympic Team. “I thought that I had everything,” he says.

At the age of ten, Frank was offered his first drink. An older family friend brought him a six-pack to help celebrate New Year’s Eve. “She was like an older sister to me, and I brought the beers up to my room and drank them alone. I immediately liked the feeling,” he remembers. This early introduction to alcohol led him to begin drinking regularly, and he even started drinking at school. Frank would sneak a couple of beers during his middle school dances, and noticed that the beers no longer affected him. His school drinking progressed. During his freshman year at Calvert Hall, Frank brought a water bottle filled with alcohol to a dance, which led to suspension. It was his first time getting in trouble for drinking.

To Frank, drinking was a way to fit in at first. ”I really enjoyed the feeling that alcohol gave me. It was my solution for social anxiety and any pain that I was going through.” As much as Frank believed that alcohol helped him socially, it had the opposite effect in reality. Soon he was drinking by himself in his room.

Having developed from such a young age, Frank’s addiction began to interfere with his life. Frank received his first DUI before beginning his freshman year at Essex Community College. He received his second DUI one week later, and a third before the end of the year. His drinking was starting to affect his ability to play soccer, which was stressful for him.

In 1998, Frank’s family recognized his continuously growing problem, and he attended his first recovery program. Soon he met a girl who was also in recovery, at the recovery house he managed in Frederick, MD. The relationship progressed quickly, and the newly sober couple got married shortly after she got pregnant. “I was young and started drinking again. I couldn’t stay stopped. My life was unmanageable. We had a second child and the marriage soon crumbled into an unhealthy relationship,” Frank remembers. Due to his drinking, Frank lost his job in the Steamfitters Union and moved back to Baltimore.

In 2017, Frank was sick and tired of being sick and tired. “I tried every way to get my life back on track—my behaviors, jobs, and relationships. I knew that my friend from Calvert Hall, Matthew Joseph, was working at Helping Up as HUM Treatment Coordinator, and I talked to him about coming in. Three times I walked through the door. The first time, I wasn’t ready; the second time, I needed detox; and finally on the third time they let me in. It was hard coming through the doors. I wasn’t proud to be a HUM guy.”

Today Frank has a very different perspective. “I can help somebody else by showing them what I’m doing. My life is in a better place because I’m here.” Frank is now an intern in the Workforce Development Program. “If it wasn’t for being an intern and having the guidance of Brett Hartnett, Education & Workforce Development Administrator, and Matt Brown, Education and Workforce Development Manager, I would have left HUM. They gave me purpose,” Frank says.

In December, 2018, Frank graduated our one-year Spiritual Recovery Program and now accepts life on life’s terms. “HUM has transformed my life and changed who I am today. I’m a different person, and I enjoy helping the men through career development, applying for jobs, and taking assessment tests. I like showing them that they can take the worst possible things in their lives and turn them into assets.” Frank started taking Peer Recovery Coach classes and also graduated from the Community College of Baltimore County with his Associate’s Degree. Soon he will attend The University of Baltimore to pursue a degree in Business Management. He plans on staying active in the substance abuse recovery field.

”I’ve become mentally, physically, and spiritually better at HUM, and being here has given me the time to recover. I grew up Catholic, and the presence of God here at HUM is everywhere. God is back in my life, I can feel Him. Here, God works through so many people and I thank Him for bringing tears to my eyes. Tears of Joy.”

Thanks to You Frank has Tears of Joy.

“I like showing people that they can take the worst possible things in their lives and turn them into assets.”

Kedrick, 51, born and raised in the Mount Washington neighborhood of Baltimore, MD. Although he was raised by two working parents who both retired from the State, his mother would often tell him that “we are poor compared to our neighbors”. Her intent was to keep Kedrick humble, but her comments instilled a sense of inadequacy that Kedrick fought hard to overcome.

Kedrick’s life was fairly comfortable, with plenty of opportunities. His mother made efforts to expose him to culture, while his dad tutored him in math and reading. At age 13 his parents divorced. His father’s drinking and violence toward his mother crumbled his family, and were the basis of other childhood traumas that led to Kedrick’s own drinking. “I drank to escape,” he recalls.

Kedricks found solace in the presence of his oldest sister Barbara. “She was a true big sister and a huge asset, I always wanted to be with her”. Just like his mother, Barbara fell victim to an abusive relationship, and was murdered while Kedrick was in his freshman year of college at West Virginia Wesleyan. Reeling from the loss, Kedrick thought that a change of location might improve his circumstances. He transferred to the University of New Haven.

“I drank alone, and I drank for the effect.”

Uprooted and grieving, Kedrick’s drinking took a turn for the worse. “I began drinking to fall asleep and numb my loss,” he says, “I drank alone, and I drank for the effect.”  He began to recognize his addiction manifesting itself in him as it had his father before him. Kedrick started going to Al-Anon to seek help, deflecting the admission of his problem. At age 22, Kedrick eventually made it to his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

“I was a functioning alcoholic,” he remembers. Kedrick received his degree in Creative Writing at Vermont College, and he believed it was the beginning of a new chapter. “School was a means for ‘everything to be ok’, ‘I’ll be fine, I won’t drink anymore. I won’t be an alcoholic. I won’t feel less than.”

After finishing his degree he immediately entered an International Journalism Master’s Degree Program at City, University of London.

“The degrees didn’t fix me,” he reflects, “I still felt incomplete and empty. I always sought God, but I came up short. I moved a lot, to escape, to reinvent myself. Changing places meant always starting over, often times failing.”

In 2018 Kedrick would drink alone while listening to Christian music. He stopped socializing for the most part, and finally came to the revelation that he was tired of his struggle. He quit his job, called his family (who were unaware of his relapse), and checked himself into Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center for detox. While in Bayview, a counselor suggested another program for him to begin his recovery. “I was ready to leave and seek a Christian program, at first I called Salvation Army, but I kept hearing good stories about Helping Up Mission (HUM).”

Something deeper inside me said give HUM a try

Kedrick felt, “A year long program surrounded by so many people did not seem appealing, but something deeper inside me said give HUM a try.”

Today Kedrick celebrates 8 months of sobriety at HUM, and he feels acceptance and adjusted to life on life’s terms. He says that, “a lack of acceptance, patience, and tolerance was my downfall”, and “the staff of the Helping Up Mission has been a blessing, by helping me realize my true potential. It’s not all about me, It’s bigger than me, It’s a collective and they’re there to help me, so I must make the effort to help another.”

Before HUM, Kedrick’s writing was published in two Maryland newspapers, as well as in West Virginia, and London. He also held editor and columnist jobs in regional newspapers. While at HUM, Kedrick has used his writing skills to benefit the Inspiring Hope Campaign Newsletter for the Women’s and Children’s center.   Kedrick is the Editor in Chief  of our very own HUM Gazette — A newspaper by and for our HUM clients. Kedrick muses, “Seeing other guys get excited, and interested in writing… I enjoy the thrill that they receive when they see their names in print. It’s one of the ways that I give back.”

Today Kedrick has a homegroup, a sponsor, a home-church — The Carpenter’s House of Baltimore, where he is the Assistant Editor of their newsletter; and he is working the 12 steps of AA. Remembering what his mother instilled in him about monetary wealth, Kedrick’s favorite verse is:

Matthew 6:19-21 New International Version (NIV)

Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

 

“Relapse changed my perspective”

Nick is 35 years old. Born in Laurel, MD, he had a good childhood. Raised by both of his parents and with help from his grandmother, Nick grew up secure.

After graduating from high school Nick started working in the restaurant business, during which time he first tried alcohol with a group of friends. A fiercely private young man, Nick was coping with a lot of complicated feelings, and he found that the alcohol helped him fit in. For the first time he felt comfortable. As is common , working in food service contributed immensely to his budding drinking issues due to the ease of finding alcohol. Before long Nick started consuming large amounts.

At age 20 Nick got his first DUI, which didn’t halt his drinking. He denied that he had a problem, and quickly picked up another DUI eight months later. Nick recalls, “I rolled that car off of a ramp, looked around, made sure my friends were ok, chucked the wine and waited for the police.” The shock of the accident was immense and Nick got arrested, but it was not enough to stop his attachment to alcohol. Throughout the next decade Nick’s habit turned into that of a “functional alcoholic”. Although he was not healthy,he got by.

When Nick moved to California his family was unaware ofhow bad his drinking had become. “I was out of sight, out of mind,” Nick says. “Everybody was drinking in West Hollywood, my lifestyle was accepted.My eight years in California was rinse and repeat, the insanity of doing the same things over and over.”

Eventually Nick returned to Maryland. In 2016 the downward spiral of his life reached a low point when he ended up passed out on the ground in Baltimore County. “The police woke me up and they asked if I was suicidal. I said no, but if I keep drinking like this aren’t I slowly killing myself?” They immediately took me to Harford Memorial Hospital for detox. After eight days of treatment Nick was given the opportunity to go to Helping Up Mission for a year of Spiritual Recovery. Recognizing his addiction, Nick made his way to HUM.

For eight months Nick became heavily involved in our one-year Spiritual Recovery Program, eventually becoming an Intern in the Philanthropy Department. Nick says, “I was a yes man, a model client, helping where I could and frankly doing too much and not working on my own recovery”. Overly confident, Nick thought, “ I got this.” One day he developed the idea that “Maybe I was a heavy drinker and not an alcoholic,” and went out and bought some vodka. One was never enough, and relapse was imminent.

When men are asked to leave the program for violating the rules, they must wait three months to reapply. Nick settled into a sober living home, but his addiction got the best of him. “I felt that there was unfinished business, that I left [HUM] too soon,” Nick recalls. After four months, Nick reentered the Mission and decided to do things differently. “I needed to work on my character defects and start paying more attention to my own recovery,” he says. “I don’t just call this a Spiritual Recovery Program, I call it a place of opportunity, you can work on anything while you are here and Helping Up has the tools to do so.”

Today, Nick has connected more with his Higher Power, and makes prayer and daily inventory a part of his routine. “I check my mind, body, and soul to keep up with the small changes and triggers that I experience. This really is helpful to my recovery. This is not just a recovery model, but a good life choice for all human beings.”

Finally, Nick states, “Even though I believe that relapse does not have to be a part of recovery, for me it had to be. Relapse changed my perspective and “I am grateful that HUM had the resources to accommodate me after my relapse, so that I was able to return and continue to make a full recovery. Others aren’t so lucky….”

Eric is 40 years old and from West Baltimore, but moved to Carol County as a child. He explains that his parents were good people and he wanted to be like them. Eric was a good student, and his goal was to become a police officer after college. He recalls, “I wanted to be a detective. I always wanted to protect everything around me and police did that.”

Eric started using at the age of 14 when he saw the cool kids using, and he wanted to be like them. Not long after, he began getting drugs from the city for his friends in the county. Despite his drug use, he managed to continue through school with good grades. He had a teacher who noticed something was going on and confronted him. Eric remembers, “She told me she would help me in any way.”

Shortly after graduation, he was charged with robbery and assault. Although the charges were eventually dropped, Eric was no longer able to attend college to become a police officer. Before he could start college again, Eric got into a street fight and ended up in jail for robbery.

Eric moved to New York to be with the mother of his child and began a pattern of drinking and bad decision making. When he returned to Baltimore, his mother died, and Eric went on a six-month drug run. He explains, “Literally, I was trying to die.” He tried to get clean but instead became addicted to heroin. He and his girlfriend had their children taken from them because of the drugs.

He went through several cycles of getting clean and then messing up. In 2015, he got clean again and was clean until he was in an accident. The doctor prescribed pain medicine and Eric refused to take it at first. Eventually, he was in so much pain that he started taking the pills. After about a week of taking the pills, he decided to come to HUM. Eric said, “I knew I was getting ready to go on a run.” He could tell he was losing control and knew he needed help.

When he came to HUM, Eric “saw people making it. I saw people making themselves make it. I saw there was a whole lot going on in one building.” Even though he didn’t need the majority of what was offered at HUM, he was impressed. He had a place to live and the ability to leave, but Eric decided to stick it out to see what would happen and recently graduated.

Eric shares that he is sure that, “you cannot skip the struggle. That is where the personality is built. That is where the character is built. Anybody, anywhere that skips any struggle when they fall on their face, they are lucky if they get up again. People are dying from that.”

Eric is now the overdose outreach advocate at a nationally known hospital. He goes out into the places of need to help those struggling with addiction and tries to share hope with them. “I care about people seeing who they can be,” Eric explains. He likes providing options. “When I was in the midst of everything, there were no options. You wake up every day, and your intent has to be get money or be prepared to die. I have choices nowadays.”

He believes there is something at HUM that is special. There is no reason this many men who would never even speak to each other in the street can get along at the mission.

Eric feels like he is living right now to help others out. “I feel like my existence right now on this earth is if I am not making it better, don’t touch it.” He is thankful that he got to meet every single person that he met at HUM. When asked about his plans, Eric explains, “I want to try to share the hope that I learned. To me it is real.”

Listen to Eric tell his story on our podcast.

Chris, 56 years old, is one of three sons of an army officer. Chris considered his father his hero. He grew up in thirteen states and three countries before settling in Maryland as a tenth grader. His father was away about eight to ten months a year at that point, so Chris was mostly raised by his mother.

He was very athletic and played football growing up. When he moved to Maryland, he became the starting quarterback on the high school junior varsity team and then quickly was pulled up to the varsity team. As the varsity quarterback, Chris was introduced to drugs and alcohol and a lifestyle he had never before experienced. He found that the drugs gave him the attention and a euphoric feeling of love that he was missing. Although his parents would ask about the drug use, there were no repercussions or accountability. “I was able to do what I wanted as long as I wore that jersey,” Chris recalls.

After high school, Chris started working in the service industry in restaurants and high-end nightclubs. He moved to Colorado to help a friend with a sandwich shop that was having problems. Chris’ father, who was always trying to offer support, bought the shop for him to run. Unfortunately, Chris ended up losing the shop and everything he had because of his drug use. He was homeless and alone, so found his way back to Maryland.

Upon his return to Maryland, his family accepted him, and again Chris had no serious repercussions. The drugs were still how Chris found acceptance and love. He started working back in the high-end restaurant business where he met a woman who he says, “saw my mask. She saw what I was trying to hide.” She called him out for his cocaine use. When she found his cocaine, she told him, “Either do this or be with me and flush that down the toilet.” They got married, and Chris gave up using for several years. When the relationship ended, Chris started using again.

For the next few years, as Chris became disillusioned at work, he started hanging out with a drug dealer and eventually began selling with him. After several arrests and many years of use, Chris saw his friend get arrested once more and realized that he didn’t want that life anymore. He walked away from selling and became homeless. Chris was lucky enough that his girlfriend offered to let him move into her basement. As he sank into depression, she told him that he needed to do something; that Chris was worth more than he was making of himself. He had heard about Helping Up Mission and did some research, but still hesitated. Eventually, his girlfriend brought him to Helping Up Mission, which Chris believes saved his life.

I was broken into pieces

Chris says that he felt like Humpty Dumpty coming into HUM. “I was broken into pieces. My life was just shattered.” After a few months in the program, Chris experienced grace after a mistake and decided to commit to his recovery. At HUM, Chris experienced the healthy repercussions and acceptance that he never completely felt growing up. It has allowed him to understand what he wants for the future. He explains, “I don’t want destruction anymore. I don’t want disintegration anymore. I want Chris back. Not a confusion of euphoric love, but true love. I have found it in so many places here. This is a type of love that will never leave me.”

During his time at HUM, Chris has had multiple healthcare procedures, including a new set of dentures that allow him to speak in public without shame. He also focused his time on preparing for a job that would help him with a new start. “I can give every staff member and everybody I have come in contact with praise for me being responsible again, me being proud of myself, finding my spirituality, opening my eyes.” Chris just started working as a truck driver and is beginning his new life with his focus on the things that are true.

Randy says that it is all about relationships. Randy grew up Catholic, but by the time he was 10 years old, his family stopped going to church. As he got a little older, he tried to find something spiritual. He says that “he always believed there was a God, but not in the structured way, or [he] only conceived of an angry, resentful God.” Randy always thought of himself as a good person, to whom bad things happened. Before entering the one-year residential Spiritual Recovery Program (SRP) at Helping Up Mission (HUM) in 2016, Randy lost his father, mother and close friend all within a very short period of time.  Maybe he had to lose all of these people to stand on his own and establish new relationships.

In the first few days at HUM, instead of losing people, he started to gain real friends. Kim Lewis, one of HUM’s Board members who co-leads the Choir and Band with Kirk Wise, invited Randy to join the choir only days after entering the SRP. Randy had never sung publically, although he had always performed in orchestra and band. He was extremely nervous when he started singing, particularly as he was one of two men singing tenor high parts.  Choir helped fill up his weekend with positive activity when he was on “blackout” (restricted to campus for 45 days). Now, Randy has joined the choir at his “home church”, St. Leo’s in Little Italy, and sings regularly at mass. He also attends recovery meetings on Sunday and Wednesday.

Music has become a huge part of his life. Randy comments, “It calms me down and has so much emotion”.  Kirk also teaches a class called “The Power of Music”.  Randy remembers a specific song that powerfully impacted him called “The Sower”. It compares people to soil and that with hard soil, God has to get in there and help break it down before nutrients and seed can be planted. A massive tree emerges as the result of the hard work.

Miss Kim also connected Randy to Monday night Bible Study at HUM, which is part of Randy’s weekly routine. Randy started helping out with playing the videos for Monday night Bible study, which taught him how to use the A/V system, a skill needed for Treatment Intern duties that were eventually assigned to him. Another door opened!

The Spiritual Retreats have also provided vital opportunities for life change. In the past and when he first entered the SRP at HUM, he always had to fill his time and space – filling the boredom led to drug use. But now, he feels better, describing this as “inner peace”. Randy explains, “I’m OK with myself”. He has moved from bored

om (or fear of it) to calm. He credits the spiritual retreats as part of this, attending Camp Wabanna, Bon Secours and CREDO.

Camp Wabanna contributed to this calm Randy feels by helping him be by himself. Randy doesn’t play sports, and so he spent  time in the beautiful environment sitting and reading his Bible. Within a group of 300 men in the SRP at one time, it can be easy to just see people in passing, but Randy felt that he took the time to really get to know people on this retreat.

At Bon Secours, he learned a discipline called the “Daily Examen”, crediting it for changing his life and outlook. He says, “It has put a new spin on life”. He used to think about what he didn’t do or accomplish in a day, but after learning the examen, he is reviewing what he accomplished over the day. It has turned his all of his thoughts from negative ones, to positive! He is sleeping better as a result, too.

Additionally, Randy has realized life “isn’t all about [him]”. Instead of reacting to everything in dramatic fashion, he is praying about things. He hadn’t realized before how much anxiety he was experiencing before because he dealt with it by “drinking and drugging”. He has realized that whatever is going on won’t kill him and that everyone has to suffer sometimes. He is starting to see things through God’s eyes and in a Christ-like form. He has been “promoted” to an Intern at HUM, and where he gets so much joy out of seeing other people grow – he’s so grateful.

Randy Has a Positive Outlook on Life 1

Randy is really learning how to build relationships

Randy has now been at HUM for nearly one year, he is performing his role as an Intern in the Treatment Office, and has entered a process of discernment with the Catholic Church about priesthood. He is seeking balance in life rather than vacillating between working crazy amounts and avoiding people with “me time”. He is learning to take little of everything at the “buffet of life”, but not overindulging on anything. Randy is really learning how to build relationships and says that “he never had friends like at HUM.”

Randy helps other people find their path!

In his role as an Intern, Randy has to deal with a lot of different personalities. He learns that he can’t put expectations on people because they all come from different backgrounds. And he is learning how to manage his own expectations about himself. If he can make it through the day without a drink, that is enough sometimes. This is some good training for him, particularly if he receives a call to priesthood, as he looks forward to working with people from all walks of life and helping them find their own way. This is really what gives him joy – helping other people find their path! And, it would not have been possible without the integration of spirituality in HUM’s programs.