Death Archives - Helping Up Mission

Scott C., age 61, was born in San Bernadino,
California. “My father was a civil servant in the
United States Marine Corps,” recalls Scott. “I was
raised in California but moved to Maryland in
grade school. My family was a normal, churchgoing, and two-parent household. My father
started to drink more when I was in my early
teens. Suddenly, he was distant and extra strict.”
“In high school, I was one of the ‘cool kids.’
I excelled in sports and played football,
basketball, and ran track. In track, I ran the
100-yard dash and still hold the Maryland state
class C record, which I set in 1979, to this day. I
loved running and knowing that I was the best.
I was not the best at basketball or football, but
I was the best at running. It was a natural high.
I graduated from high school and received
scholarships to run in college, but I did not
want to run anymore. There was no future in
running track, and I could not make a living.”
“During my second year at college, I attended
a job fair, and they offered me a job working
with individuals with disabilities. I took the
job, and they would pay me to go to school. I
worked so hard that I was too tired to attend
class and eventually dropped out. This is where
my drinking and drugging began. I started
drinking heavily, smoking marijuana daily, and
being introduced to cocaine. I had everything,
a job, a girlfriend, and a drug habit.”
“The crack cocaine epidemic hit in the late
eighties. The desire for more cocaine was
uncontrollable. I would stay up all night, start
to miss work, and along with my roommate,
we struggled to maintain the lifestyle. In 1989,
I recognized that this lifestyle was unattainable.
I still was not an addict, just a guy that had a
crack cocaine problem. In a moment of clarity,
I understood that change was necessary. I
needed to find a woman and settle down. I
met my wife, got married, and started a family.
We had four children.”
“I was still getting high but paying the bills. I
was functioning, and in my eyes, I was still not
an addict. I stopped smoking crack and started
snorting powdered cocaine. The cravings were
not as strong. I could run out of cocaine and
not be affected. In 2000, I started snorting
heroin to come down from the rush of cocaine.
Heroin helped me sleep at first but then grew
into a dependency. I thought I was still not an
addict. I was eventually turned onto fentanyl
when it hit the streets in 2018.”

In 2019, my son was in a bad car accident,
and the doctors prescribed opiates to
help him recover. He started to become
addicted to these pills. I warned him that
he comes from a family of addiction. My
father had seven brothers, and five of them
died from alcoholism. I tried to help him,
but he kept getting high. We were close,
and his addiction separated us. One day
in 2022, his girlfriend woke up and found
him dead from an overdose.”
“To deal with his death, I went crazy
drinking and drugging. One month later,
I had lost everything and was sleeping
in my car. I was an addict. At my lowest
point, I checked into a detox facility in
Chestertown, Maryland. I graduated from
the 30-day program, and a Peer Recovery
Specialist told me he knew of a perfect
place for me to go next, Helping Up
Mission (HUM) in Baltimore. I told him
that I was not going to anyplace called a
‘mission!’ He told me that it was more
than just a mission, and to prove it, he
was a graduate.”
“When I arrived at HUM, it was better than
I had thought. During my ‘blackout’ (45
days of limited communications), some
of the guys told me about the running
club Back on my Feet, and I joined as soon
as I came from the blackout. I had only
ever run sprints in the past, and I thought
running distances would be a mess. At
first, I would walk a mile, but now I can
do three miles without a problem. I lost
weight and lowered my cholesterol. Every
time a 5k race comes up, I am there and
will be running the 5k at the Baltimore
Running Festival on October 14th. When I
am out there running, I think of the past,
and I am just as happy finishing a race in
the middle of the pack as I was winning in
high school.”
“Today, having graduated from the
Spiritual Recovery Program, I am looking
forward to getting a job, my own place,
and everything I lost – except the drugs
and alcohol!”
“To the donors, thank you for helping me
and those like me. It is only through your
unwavering support that HUM is possible. I
feel like I am back on the starter’s line like I
was 18, but today I am starting LIFE!

Warren G., age 52, was born in Baltimore City,
Maryland. “My early childhood was loving and
confusing,” recalls Warren. “I was born out of
wedlock and hidden from my father’s family for
two years. The only person who knew about
me was my half-sister. When my father finally
brought me out to my family, my stepmother
considered me a “blessing” because she could
not produce a son for him. At an early age,
I learned that blood was NOT thicker than
water; love is thicker than blood. I was like
Moses, and my nickname was MOE. I was
raised away from my family and then returned
to their love.“
“My dad was a jazz musician. He was a
functional addict and became the first AfricanAmerican car salesman at a local dealership. He
could make money but could not hold onto it.
I would go for weeks at a time, not seeing my
dad. I would spend time with my great aunt
Eiddie, my dad’s mother’s sister, who was like
a grandmother to me, taught me the Lord’s
prayer, and took me to church. She was loving
and spiritual.”
“I did well in school, getting A’s and B’s while
playing sports. My dad packed us up to get
out of Baltimore, and we moved to Sykesville,
MD. I was popular and never wanted for
anything. My dad would have good women
in his life who I did not become attached to
because they never lasted. His relationships
in life caused me not to get attached to
others as a defense mechanism and go in
my own direction.”
“I started smoking marijuana at the age
of eight. I would smoke regularly during
6th through 8th grade. There were no
consequences. I became an outspoken
leader who could manipulate and receive
the attention I did not get at home. During
my sophomore year of high school, I wore
my dad’s jacket to school, and in one of the
pockets, I found a bag of cocaine. Despite my
burgeoning drug habit, I received a scholarship
to play football at Juniata College. I decided to
attend college even though my dad told me I
would not succeed. He was right. I failed out,
got my high school girlfriend pregnant, and
had a daughter.”
“At the age of 35, I got married to another
person experiencing addiction, and we had
two sons. Things got so bad that I knew we

needed to go to rehab. I sent her first,
knowing what would happen if she was
left alone while I got help. She lasted
fifteen days in rehab. We were in full-blown
addiction and living in a hotel on Fayette
Street, Baltimore. One day, I went to the
lobby to pick up our two boys, ages 7 and
9, and she overdosed and died by the time
we got back. I could not open the door
to the room, but when maintenance got
us in, I was losing my mind. A nice lady
notices my demeanor and offers to watch
my sons. How do you explain death to a
7-year-old? I simply said that we would see
Mom again.”
“I got clean from narcotics for eight
months, but in January 2022, I was driving
down Northern Parkway and decided
to snort some fentanyl. Immediately, I
realized that I had done too much. I pulled
over as soon as I could and woke up in an
ambulance. I was dead for eight minutes.
The paramedics hit me three times with
Narcan. My girlfriend told me that I
needed to go to rehab. I lost my car and
my place and had no job. God had finally
narrowed my path, so I called Helping Up
Mission (HUM) and spoke with George
Enriquez, HUM’s program coordinator
of intake, and he told me to show up on
Monday.”
“The rest is history. Today, I am working
on the 12-steps of Narcotics Anonymous
(NA) and on my 8th step. I am working
on changing my behavior. I have learned
that my life transformation will evolve
until the day that I die. I spent 44 years
in active addiction, and change has
happened gradually in the eleven months
since I walked through HUM’s doors. HUM
has changed my life. My work therapy
assignment is Treatment Coordinator –
Intern. I facilitate spiritual recovery classes
and NA and Alcoholics Anonymous
meetings, which help me focus on my
recovery. I try to do the little things and
the right things when nobody is looking. I
finally returned to school at the University
of Baltimore and changed my degree from
pre-law to drug counseling. Soon, I will
take the test to become a Certified Peer
Recovery Specialist. I am surrendering the
outcome of my new life to God’s plan.”
“To all the people that make HUM
possible, THANK YOU for doing the right
thing when nobody else is looking!”

Tim, age 33, was born and raised in
Catonsville, Maryland. “I had a good family,”
recalls Tim. “When I was five years old, my
younger brother was born with Muscular
Dystrophy. I give my family a ton of credit. My
parents attended every concert and sporting
event. But the family dynamics changed
dramatically, and it was hard to watch my
brother struggle. I did well enough in school
to get a full scholarship to UMBC to pursue a
degree in astrophysics.”
“The first time that I used drugs was when I
smoked marijuana for my 18th birthday. My
first drunk happened at age 19 while attending
UMBC. Drinking was an exciting culture to
enter for me. Until then, I would play Risk and
make smoothies with my high school friends
for entertainment. I got a job at Tersiguel’s
French Restaurant in Old Ellicott City during
my first year. The restaurant industry was a
good fit for me. I had the natural charisma
to make personal connections and became a
good waiter. I started smoking marijuana 2-3
times a day. I worked while high.”
“During my junior year in college, I was
suspended for smoking marijuana. I
experienced a general malaise and decided to
switch majors to political science. While my
friends were willing to do anything to be the
best in astrophysics, I was willing to be the
best at work. I gave up real relationships to
work 60 hours a week. In 2014, I was doing so
well at work that I dropped out of college. At
Tersiguel’s my responsibilities started to pick
up, I studied to become a sommelier, and I
loved it. “
“In 2015, I was driving home from Richmond,
Virginia, and got pulled over for a DUI. I was
partying nightly to the point of blacking out.
Recognizing the legal ramifications of my
crime, I knew that I had to get sober fast. I
entered an outpatient facility in Columbia,
Maryland called Kolmac. I attended Alcoholics
Anonymous meetings and for the next 18
months, I was sober. I bought a house, moved
in with my girlfriend, and got a cat.”
“On July 30, 2016, I was working as the
General Manager of Tersiguel’s. It was a
beautiful night, and the restaurant was
bustling. I was in the cellar when the windows
caved in, and water rushed into the building. It
was like a scene from the Titanic. I thought that
if I could save one box of our most expensive
wine that it would not be a total loss. The

2016 historic flood of Ellicott City had just
destroyed the main street. It was traumatic.
The whole community responded well
and in October we were reopening, and a
coworker offered me a beer. My boss asked
me if I was making the right decision and
for the next three months everything went
fine, until it was not. I began hanging out
with an older crowd and was introduced to
cocaine. Soon I lost my job, my girlfriend,
my house, and my cat. It was my first taste
of “rock-bottom.”
“My mental health quickly deteriorated.
I placed the blame on everyone else
but myself. I ended up in psych wards
and hospital beds for self-harm. I still
did not recognize my addiction. At the
age of 29, and full of shame, guilt, and
embarrassment, I moved back home with
my parents. Once again, things started
going well. I got a job in politics knocking
on doors for a candidate. In 2020, the
COVID pandemic hit, and the candidate
I worked for dropped out of the race.
Suddenly, I was collecting unemployment
without a job for the first time since I was
15 years old. “
“I got a new job at a restaurant in
Catonsville. Around this time, some of
my friends died from their addictions. I
stopped using drugs as a result, but I kept
drinking every night. In May 2021, I got
my second DUI. This time I was unable to
stop drinking and my worried friends held
an intervention. The brother of one of my
friends graduated from Helping Up Mission
(HUM) in 2008. My parents gave me an
ultimatum check into HUM or leave the
house. My mom dropped me off the next
day and I entered the lobby with nothing
but a few dollars.”
“At first, I would ask myself what am I
doing here? I started hanging out with a
good group of guys that were done with
the grind of addiction. So, we started
to grind out our recovery by going to
meetings, doing step work, and getting
a sponsor. I completed my training to
become a Certified Peer Recovery Coach.
I joined the HUM Trail Team. I attended
Camp Wabanna. If a life-enrichment
opportunity were made available to me, I
would take advantage of it. Now I work as
an intern for our Workforce Development
Program. I love being able to help people
who are trying to reenter society get the
documents they need for success. Nobody
comes to HUM on a winning streak, but
we can help give them faith to rejoin the
community.”
“Thanks to the donors for making HUM a
safe place for me to reflect, rebuild, and
rediscover the things that make me happy
and sober. I have rekindled my love of
playing the steel drum with the HUM Choir
& Band and the music is coming back to
me. I am going to stick around, finish my
IT certification, and save for my future.”

“I couldn’t do five miles. I couldn’t. But, before I knew it, I was walking a quarter mile, a half mile, a mile, and two miles.”
Levolia, age 51, known affectionately as Lee at Helping Up Mission and Prudence to family and friends, was born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland. “My mother and father were both addicts,” remembered Lee. “My mother loved me but abandoned me in a hospital at an early age. My mother’s cousin Beverly raised me for a while, and she loved me as much as she could. At age 8, my mother’s oldest sister Alberta, who was better off financially, stepped in, moved me in with her, and sent me to private schools. But I missed my mom and moved back with her to Cherry Hill, Baltimore.”
Thinking back on her young life, Lee remembers ‘Love.’ “Our neighborhood was tight knit. Everybody knew everybody. I had an older sister and a younger brother, and we all slept in the same room. My father had another child from another lady. I loved my half-sister so much. I do not remember childhood trauma. I just remember love!”
“My mother and sister were so close. I was about 25 when my mother died. I did not want to go to the funeral and my family literally carried me out of the house. And my sister did not cry or mourn my mother, like I did. So, I asked her why she was not more upset, and she said, she got high because the ‘drugs sedated her.’ After my mom’s death I wanted to try drugs and they begged me not to. At the time I was working as an executive secretary. I had money, a young baby, and I was young. But I did not want to feel the pain and from using drugs my entire world crumbled.”
“I always knew about God because of my maternal aunts. They were saved at a young age. God called them one day and they became devout Christians. They introduced me to church and how to have a relationship with God. They planted a seed in me that became watered when I came to Helping Up Mission (HUM). My aunt Alberta told me about HUM. I responded by saying that is only for men and she said, ‘they now have a Center for Women & Children!’ HUM was nothing that I thought it would be. God resides here. It is a place where people care about you holistically. I am being healed physically, emotionally, and spiritually.”
“Today I am doing stuff that I have never done before. I do not recognize the old me. I am 51 years old, and God saved my life. I remember before I got to HUM, sitting on my bed, and crying and asking God, if You are real You gotta show me, You gotta save me. I cried all day. I ‘used’ to live, and I lived to ‘use.’ I was the ‘living dead.’ Today, I am LIVING!”
“I went to a recovery convention in Front Royal, Virginia recently. It was beautiful in the mountains and the personal stories were powerful. I was really encouraged. I have gone to equine therapy. I was able to get my birth certificate and social security card. I am meeting with Brett Hartnet and Whitney Mugula in Workforce Development to work on my education. Before, I gave everything away, but now I see that God allowed everything to be taken. God is my everything. I am excited and things are opening up!”
“I joined Back on My Feet (BOMF). We walk one to three miles every Thursday. It is prepping us to be a part of Team HUM for the 5k at the Baltimore Running Festival on October 15. I am 51 and I couldn’t do five miles. I couldn’t. But, before I knew it, I was walking a quarter mile, a half mile, a mile, and two miles. I used to walk around the chapel and sing to God. I am in the choir, and people started telling me that I need to get involved with BOMF! People see things in each other that we do not see in ourselves.”
“I have never had a personal relationship with God. It was not until I came to HUM. It is like you plant a seed in a pot and the seed becomes a stalk, and the next day it grows a leaf. In four months, my spirit has been strengthened. I used to blame Him for my mom and dad being addicts. But God saw fit to save me. In Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. I do not have to worry, because right now I do not know what I want to be when I grow up. But God has plans for me. I always wanted what I want and now I want His will instead of my own.”
“Looking forward to the future, I know that I will be helping other people. Telling them that there is eternal life. I want to be where God puts me. I can go to work, obey the rules of HUM, spend time with God and maybe somebody will see that.”
“To the donors like Terry and Bob who tirelessly help in our library, these people give of themselves of their time, effort, prayers, and money I am so thankful. That is how God intended us to work and come together. There are many other women, and men who are grateful at HUM. We are thankful to God for allowing you to have the mind and heart to do what you do, and we are thankful to YOU for doing it!”

Jose, age 50, was raised in Quakertown, Pennsylvania before moving to Philadelphia when he was 6. “We moved into the Erie section of north Philadelphia,” Jose recalled. “A bad incident happened between my father and mom, and he just disappeared – he went back to Puerto Rico and divorced my mother. I was raised in a church going family with decent values, I just went off the deep end as a teenager.”
“I remember going to the ballpark with my grandfather. I was close to him. One time he took me camping and was teaching me how to clean a fish. He looked at me, swung the fish, and it smacked me across the face! He laughed so hard that he peed his pants! That moment was a highlight of my life.”
“We moved into a not so nice section of Philadelphia, and I was told to change schools. The school was in a predominantly white section and there was a lot of racial tension. It was a challenge, especially being jumped twice and chased out of their neighborhood. Kids were just not nice and that is when I dropped out of school following 5th grade.”
“I took to the streets. We did not have a rec center or playgrounds that were safe. But the streets made me tougher. I learned how to hustle. I always had to prove myself, and I was fighting constantly. To get good clothes or a decent pair of sneakers, I took to selling drugs and made fast money. I started smoking cigarettes, then marijuana and drinking alcohol. But when crack cocaine hit the scene, it was something new for everybody. And it was socially acceptable to use it!”
“I met a girl who put me on a different path. I was dealing drugs in front of her house, and she said, ‘you’re better than this.’ We fell for each other hard. I would have done anything to be accepted by her parents and one day I was knocking on their front door to speak to them, and her father pulled out a .38 revolver and just starts shooting at me! He could have hit me, but he wanted to scare me! She told me that if I wanted to be accepted by her parents, I needed to do things differently.”
“I left town for Harrisburg and when I came back at age 20, I had a decent job, but her parents moved her to California. When I could not find her, I went off the deep end. I got deep into hard drugs. For a year, I was so depressed that I was trying to kill myself. So, I sought help for my addiction for the first time.”
“Around age 36, I met Pastors Dwight and Tony from Greater Grace Church and started going to their church in Philadelphia. And they brought me to Helping Up Mission (HUM) for the first time, in 2008. I had my first epiphany there. I was in the old rec room memorizing Bible verses and looking for Matthew 4: 19. Something tapped me on the shoulder, but nobody was there. I felt a warm hug, started crying, and prayed. I found Matthew 4: 19 and it said, ‘come follow me.’ That is where my spiritual journey began.”
“My second epiphany happened years later. I was packing up to leave my house and I reached for my 2008 seed certificate, and it fell to the ground but landed upright on the frame! I looked at it and said, ‘I am going back to HUM!’”
“My son was murdered four days after I came back. I became depressed but I decided to continue my recovery. HUM is where I feel the most fulfillment. For a long time, I wanted to be a contractor. Today, my number one priority is to go to Bible college, to continue in the ministry that I started with Haven City Church in Fells Point. I happened to arrive at the church when they needed help. Being bilingual, I was able to step right in and help. Now, I am driving their truck and have keys to the center! And soon I will oversee the food ministry.”
“There have been tough times at HUM. Particularly the death of my son, his mother, and my other children being homeless. I prayed hard for my other children and a family member from Chicago stepped up and provided a house for them!
“Today my life is different, God has shown me the way. I enrolled into Metro Baltimore Seminary. I stay in service helping others. I cannot believe HUM exists, what they are doing for us. HUM helped get my taxes done. Traffic legal issues have been taken care of. Workforce development helped me with my student debt. My credit score is looking good. And the Latino program that is growing here! “
“I hiked the Appalachian Trail. The campfire was awesome. It was special to reconnect with my grandfather, who I had camped with so many years ago. God created this blessing of nature.”
“Thank you (donors) from the bottom of my heart. Without your generosity, a lot of people would not get the help they deserve!”

Cody was just 21 when he lost his mother to a tragic motorcycle accident. He was beyond devastated, and when his brother offered him drugs to deal with the pain and grief, Cody welcomed the escape.

Sadly, that decision led to an addiction that has haunted him for years and spiraled him into a life of loneliness on the streets of Baltimore …

As much as Cody wanted to quit over the years, he couldn’t shake his addiction. He tried attending some local recovery classes but relapsed. And at his lowest point of desperation, he tried to take his own life by plowing his car into a large tree. Thankfully, his life was spared. That’s when he decided to come to Helping Up Mission. In our Spiritual Recovery Program, Cody sees hope for the first time in a long time — hope that through Christ he can overcome his addiction and become the man God intended all along.

“I’m now a graduate and working on my second year clean! I have ambitions and plans and goals,” he says. “I’m starting college soon and have reconnected with my 10-year-old son. And I’m rebuilding my faith too. I’m going to Bible studies, joined the choir, and I pray every night.

“This place really will rebuild your life — take you from a disaster and make you into a polished gem. Without a doubt, it has saved my life.”

Thank you for helping Cody to see himself as God sees him, and for helping him pursue his full potential.

For Adam, the loss of his father coupled with the weight of family obligations, steered him into dependence on painkillers and eventually heroin. In an attempt to free himself from the family construction business and escape tradition, Adam went to school to pursue a degree in Political Science. He intended to “fight for the underdog”.

Little did he know that the underdog he would ultimately fight for would be himself. After coming to Helping Up, Adam began to make peace with his past and his background. Once a high school track athlete, Adam even began running again. And now, he runs for recovery. He believes that “running is a metaphor, not just for recovery, but for life itself”.

Adam will be the first to tell you that “a journey of a thousand miles begins one step at a time. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor. If you put your mind to it, you can finish the race”.

Adam grew up in Baltimore County, in a loving family that attended a strict church where music and toys were forbidden. His parents left the church when he was 12 and his father died unexpectedly when Adam was 18. The passing of his father and shortly thereafter his uncles rendered him without male figures. He was told that it was time to “man up,” and observe the Italian tradition of proper mourning.

He went to Virginia Tech to get a degree in Construction Management and follow in the footsteps of his late father, but his education was derailed after a marijuana possession arrest. At this time Adam decided to change his education goals and moved back home to study Political Science. He wanted to fight for the underdog.

During college Adam pursued the “normal” habits of a student and drank alcohol and dabbled in marijuana but functioned. At this time Adam had a daughter, graduated college and took two years off.

He started Law School at University of Baltimore and he “never got into it to make money,” as he “expected more social justice.” The reality of Law School quickly made him disenchanted. He was during this period when Adam started experimenting with painkillers. His using quickly became a dependency which led to headaches and even seizures. Adam remembers stockpiling the medication, which did not last long, spending too much money and then one day a friend told him, “heroin was cheaper.” And soon his life spiraled out of control.

Life now involved, falling asleep at the wheel, breaking and wrecking cars, and ruining the relationship he had with his daughter’s mother. This spiral resulted in Adam moving back home and even stealing from his mother. All the while still working and attending Law School.

Inevitably Adam spent 30 days in Jail not thinking about the future, but how to get more heroin.

Helping Up Mission.

Upon arriving at HUM, Adam finally took the time to listen to his elders and just “sit still.” He started his work therapy in house keeping, which enabled him to satiate his desire to be of service. Today he is a graduate intern and he has been clean and sober for over a year.

Running

In October 2017 Adam started running for the first time since running high school track in 2002. “It doesn’t matter how fast you run, if you put your mind to it you can finish the race,” Adam transfixed in the metaphors like those in recovery tend to do. Physically he began to feel much better and working with HUM partner Back on My Feet enabled him to feel human. “We have great volunteers that give donations and help serve meals, In Back on My Feet, volunteers run with you, get to know you and your family, and actually treat you like people. Which is awesome, because most of us, for years have only been told that we are thieves, and liars, and criminals.”

Adam was focusing on running the 5k at the Baltimore Running Festival, but is now planning on running his first half-marathon!

Family

“My daughter’s mother would not let me in the house, my mother kicked me out, and my sister wouldn’t even talk to me,” Adam recalls. Fast forward, he returned from a week’s vacation – with his mom and sister, and his mom now lets him drive her car and stay at her house unsupervised! His sister communicates with him, and he even helps his daughter’s mother with stuff around her house!

His daughter would do an impression of Adam “sleeping at the wheel.” Now she cheers him on as he races and gave him a book entitled 50 Things I Love About My Daddy for Father’s Day. This “Mad-Lib” style book contains quotes such as “ I love how fast you run,” and “ I love that you never make me brush my teeth.” The transformation is really powerful when Adam honestly states, “ I knew I was being a terrible example, I was using just to be a bad dad, If I didn’t have the drugs I would be a dad at all.” Today, “Having a kid is the best adventure in the world, she is my inspiration!”

Today

Today Adam is on a spiritual walk. Helping other addicts or the homeless make him feel that “all of his messing up… can be for a purpose, positive. He quotes Paul’s letter to the Corinthians “the suffering of this present time are nothing compared to the glory that shall be restored to us.” 20 years from now Adam envisions his daughter realizing that he “was human, fell and got back up” Adam knows that he has “a long way to go,” but with the “support of the people who have gone through it already,’ it will help him get to the point that he can do it on his own.

Adam believes like Jesus said” it is mercy when a man can be who he deserves to be.”

Randy says that it is all about relationships. Randy grew up Catholic, but by the time he was 10 years old, his family stopped going to church. As he got a little older, he tried to find something spiritual. He says that “he always believed there was a God, but not in the structured way, or [he] only conceived of an angry, resentful God.” Randy always thought of himself as a good person, to whom bad things happened. Before entering the one-year residential Spiritual Recovery Program (SRP) at Helping Up Mission (HUM) in 2016, Randy lost his father, mother and close friend all within a very short period of time. Maybe he had to lose all of these people to stand on his own and establish new relationships.

In the first few days at HUM, instead of losing people, he started to gain real friends. Kim Lewis, one of HUM’s Board members who co-leads the Choir and Band with Kirk Wise, invited Randy to join the choir only days after entering the SRP. Randy had never sung publically, although he had always performed in orchestra and band. He was extremely nervous when he started singing, particularly as he was one of two men singing tenor high parts. Choir helped fill up his weekend with positive activity when he was on “blackout” (restricted to campus for 45 days). Now, Randy has joined the choir at his “home church”, St. Leo’s in Little Italy, and sings regularly at mass. He also attends recovery meetings on Sunday and Wednesday.

Music has become a huge part of his life. Randy comments, “It calms me down and has so much emotion”. Kirk also teaches a class called “The Power of Music”. Randy remembers a specific song that powerfully impacted him called “The Sower”. It compares people to soil and that with hard soil, God has to get in there and help break it down before nutrients and seed can be planted. A massive tree emerges as the result of the hard work.

Miss Kim also connected Randy to Monday night Bible Study at HUM, which is part of Randy’s weekly routine. Randy started helping out with playing the videos for Monday night Bible study, which taught him how to use the A/V system, a skill needed for Treatment Intern duties that were eventually assigned to him. Another door opened!

The Spiritual Retreats have also provided vital opportunities for life change. In the past and when he first entered the SRP at HUM, he always had to fill his time and space – filling the boredom led to drug use. But now, he feels better, describing this as “inner peace”. Randy explains, “I’m OK with myself”. He has moved from bored

om (or fear of it) to calm. He credits the spiritual retreats as part of this, attending Camp Wabanna, Bon Secours and CREDO.

Camp Wabanna contributed to this calm Randy feels by helping him be by himself. Randy doesn’t play sports, and so he spent time in the beautiful environment sitting and reading his Bible. Within a group of 300 men in the SRP at one time, it can be easy to just see people in passing, but Randy felt that he took the time to really get to know people on this retreat.

At Bon Secours, he learned a discipline called the “Daily Examen”, crediting it for changing his life and outlook. He says, “It has put a new spin on life”. He used to think about what he didn’t do or accomplish in a day, but after learning the examen, he is reviewing what he accomplished over the day. It has turned his all of his thoughts from negative ones, to positive! He is sleeping better as a result, too.

Additionally, Randy has realized life “isn’t all about [him]”. Instead of reacting to everything in dramatic fashion, he is praying about things. He hadn’t realized before how much anxiety he was experiencing before because he dealt with it by “drinking and drugging”. He has realized that whatever is going on won’t kill him and that everyone has to suffer sometimes. He is starting to see things through God’s eyes and in a Christ-like form. He has been “promoted” to an Intern at HUM, and where he gets so much joy out of seeing other people grow – he’s so grateful.

Randy is really learning how to build relationships

Randy has now been at HUM for nearly one year, he is performing his role as an Intern in the Treatment Office, and has entered a process of discernment with the Catholic Church about priesthood. He is seeking balance in life rather than vacillating between working crazy amounts and avoiding people with “me time”. He is learning to take little of everything at the “buffet of life”, but not overindulging on anything. Randy is really learning how to build relationships and says that “he never had friends like at HUM.”

Randy helps other people find their path!

In his role as an Intern, Randy has to deal with a lot of different personalities. He learns that he can’t put expectations on people because they all come from different backgrounds. And he is learning how to manage his own expectations about himself. If he can make it through the day without a drink, that is enough sometimes. This is some good training for him, particularly if he receives a call to priesthood, as he looks forward to working with people from all walks of life and helping them find their own way. This is really what gives him joy – helping other people find their path! And, it would not have been possible without the integration of spirituality in HUM’s programs.

Robert is 67 years old and just recently celebrated three years of hope being clean and sober after fifty-two years of addiction. Better known as Blue by everyone at HUM, he explains that someone once joked about him being one of the Blues Brothers and while he didn’t see the resemblance, he loves the blues so he let the nickname stick.

Blue was born in 1950 in Baltimore. He started drinking and smoking by the time he was twelve. At the age of fifteen, a friend’s older brother introduced him to heroin. He explains, “It was just the sixties. I was a hippy. I was high through the whole time. When I wasn’t sleeping, I was getting high off of something.”

Blue recalls, “This is the era of Vietnam with the draft. So, guys like me didn’t really have anything to look forward to. None of us wanted to fight in some jungle that didn’t make sense. So, when I went down to the draft board I was extremely high, and I never got drafted.”

Blue was arrested for possession of heroin.

In 1968, a month after graduating high school, Blue was arrested for possession of heroin. Blue said, “I went on methadone after I got busted. My mother and father didn’t have a clue what to do.” They took him to a psychiatrist who prescribed the methadone.

During this time, he met his wife and fell in love. They were both on methadone for ten years, and then he detoxed off of it. His wife was taken off of it abruptly and overdosed a few days later. Blue gave her CPR and brought her back to life. After a few days she overdosed again, and this time, he could not bring her back. Blue was devastated and did his best to bring up his daughters without their mother.

“I got high for fifty-two years.”

Blue explains, “I was jumping from one thing to another. I was in a program; I wasn’t in a program. I was shooting dope; I wasn’t shooting dope. I was drinking because I would go to that when I didn’t want to do dope because I would get strung out on it. I smoked a lot of weed. I got high for fifty-two years. I didn’t get high off of any one thing for fifty-two years, but I was getting high off of something for fifty-two years. I didn’t go three months where I didn’t get high a couple of times.”

“I got so cold.”

In 2000, Blue lost his job because he was shooting dope and couldn’t work without it. He ended up homeless and set up a makeshift shelter between two buildings. After about a year of living on the streets, he found an old broken-down hearse in a parking lot. The back was unlocked and he moved in. He remembers, “I almost froze to death on Christmas Eve in 2004. I was dope sick. I didn’t have any money. I went into the back of the hearse and covered up with every piece of clothing and blanket that I had. I got so cold. I will never forget that.” He went into a shop and sat there to try to warm up, but was forced to leave. As he was walking down the street, a lady saw he was distressed and let him sleep on her couch and get warm. “It was quite a Christmas. It is not something I am trying to go back to ever. When I see [homeless] guys come in here at night, I know what it is like.”

Blue had been in and out of programs so many times

In January 2014, Blue went to Bayview Hospital to detox. He had lost so much weight and gotten into such bad shape that he couldn’t walk. He was sent to a rehab center to regain the ability to walk. He was physically getting better. But in September of 2014, he took some pills and drank a pint of vodka and woke up in an ambulance on the way to St. Agnes. The social worker at St. Agnes told Blue’s wife about HUM. He had been in and out of programs so many times and had always focused on the physical and mental health side, but never had he thought about the spiritual aspect of recovery. When he arrived at HUM, they told him that it was a year-long program and he was not ready to commit to that. He admits that he thought, “Oh no! I am gone. I headed to the door. The only reason I came back is because my wife stayed at the desk and stared at me.”

“I was in really bad shape, really.”

The first three or four months Blue struggled and did not sleep much. “I was in really bad shape, really.” When asked what changed for him, he explains, “I stopped fighting God. It sounds like something you would say because it sounds good. Just the difference of not having to fight.” His entire life he had been an agnostic. He could not explain the existence of God and the existence of bad things at the same time. Now he says, “It has been a relief not to have to understand, I know what I know. I learn what I can. I help whoever I can. I do the best I can.”

Each week, at the graduation chapel, Blue sits in the same place and jumps up to give a hug and hope to those who are celebrating their graduation from the one-year Spiritual Recovery Program. He explains, “I feel very strongly emotionally about what is happening here. I know what it took for me to do it – to come in here and go for a year. I’ve been out there for so many years, and I’ve seen how this struggle is with drugs and alcohol. To me, a year is a miracle. So, yeah, I hug them guys when they make that year because you started something, and you finished it. We don’t do that a lot. We’re good at starting things, but not finishing them.”

“I came to understand that God kept me around…”

Blue is a graduate intern here at HUM as a Treatment Coordinator Assistant and sees his role now as to help others who are struggling to get clean. “I came to understand that God kept me around through all that stuff. God let me survive all of that. So what’s the purpose? I am 67 years old. I spent 52 of those 67 years getting high off of everything. So, I can look at my life in two ways; I’ve wasted my whole life. Or no, I’ve put 52 years of hard experience to understand the stuff nowadays. So, I choose the second.”

Blue is well known at HUM. He explains, “I am a firm believer that the small things in life make the difference. The big [things] are going to happen to everyone. The little ones are gifts. When someone talks to you and they actually care, it’s something you remember. It can make a huge difference in the rest of your day. It might make a difference in the rest of your life. Care might be the difference between life and death.” This New Year, Blue will continue to do what he can to offer hope to the hurting.

“I was using drugs for so long that I didn’t know how to live without them.”

Dustin was a Baltimore City firefighter when he fell through a flight of stairs and was injured. He was prescribed pain pills to help him recover, and “started needing more and more.”

“When I couldn’t pass the physical to go back to the department, the insurance got cut off, which means the doctor got cut off. I realized I was addicted and started feeling the withdrawal.” So, Dustin started buying pain pills on the street. When he couldn’t get them anymore, a buddy suggested trying heroin as a stronger and cheaper alternative.

He woke up one morning and couldn’t find any drugs. He remembers, “I was sitting around, hating myself, and hating life. I cursed God a lot and was wondering what went wrong.” A week earlier his sister and mom had tried an intervention. Dustin decided to try to detox and went to Bayview Hospital. He was in there for seven days when a social worker, “an angel on my shoulder” as Dustin puts it, came to him and explained that he needed to do something or he would die. She told him about Helping Up Mission and showed him videos of the Mission on YouTube, but he still wasn’t sure.

Eventually, Dustin decided to come to HUM. He remembers, “When the cab pulled up out front, I was scared and nervous. I was still sore and feeling [the effects of withdrawal]. I was using drugs for so long that I didn’t know how to live without them.”

At first, a year seemed daunting, but after three months of going to classes and chapel, he decided he wanted to stay. “I liked the way I was feeling. Every time I would see [my mom]; she would say ‘You’re looking good. You’re walking tall now. Keep it up.’”

“I started building a strong support network. I was making good friends. We started playing softball together. We were all learning to live again, learning to play again, learning to have fun again. Besides my family, the friends that I made here that are still my friends today; I consider them family now. There is no way we would be where we are now without each other’s support. We still hold each other accountable every day.”

When he came to HUM, Dustin knew his mother had terminal cancer. The time they had together while he was going through recovery allowed them to get to know each other better than ever before. Dustin remembers, “It was kind of a blessing that we knew she was terminal and we got to know each other [again]…it was liberating. One Sunday I visited her, and they did a church service in the cafeteria at the nursing home. We prayed together there for the first time probably since I was a little boy. I still remember that.”

After about six months, as Dustin was beginning to get his life together, he got a phone call that his four-year-old son had pneumonia and was in the hospital. Although they thought he was getting better, he did not begin to breathe on his own when the hospital removed the ventilator. Dustin was on his way to say his goodbyes to his son when his friends rallied around him. They wouldn’t let him go the hospital on his own. They were with him and went through the painful time with Dustin. While he was numb and thought about using again, he didn’t want to lose all of his progress and all the trust he had built back up. He didn’t want to disappoint those who believed in him. “I loved to see the look on my mom’s face. I loved that my daughter smiles back at me now.”

His mom’s health was deteriorating, and she could not make it to his son’s funeral. Three weeks later, Dustin’s sister called to say that his mother only had a day or two left. He and his sister spent the night with his mom as she passed away. “I just felt gratitude. If I would have picked up [and started using] after my son passed away, then I wouldn’t have been able to be there with my mom. It just kind of put everything in perspective for me. As hard as it was, it was peaceful. We were able to be there with her. I was clean and clear-minded. I was at peace, and she was at peace.”

Dustin explained how he continued his recovery during this difficult time. “I leaned on my network. That is a big part of my story; I had that positive network.” He remembers, “It was hard at first. All I knew is that I had to keep moving forward.” A few days after his mom had passed away, Mike Rallo encouraged Dustin to share his story with the new guys at HUM. “It was an emotional day. When I walked out of there, I just felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.” It was also an opportunity for him to help others at HUM. “Before, I thought nobody’s going to learn from me.” Now he can see that others learn from his struggles and how he got through it.

Dustin graduated in November of 2015. Shortly after graduation, Dustin and his close friends were all offered staff positions at HUM. He recalls, “To be able to give back to a place that saved all of our lives, it was awesome.” He continues, “It’s about the guys that are here in the program. Just to be able to give back to them, it’s a special place, and I feel it when I walk in here.”

Dustin has a new life after coming to HUM. In August, he had a new a life come into the world when he and his wife had a baby boy. “Hopefully I went through the struggles so he won’t have to.” Dustin’s daughter is eleven now, and he gets to be there for her, too. “I love being a dad.”

Dustin says that those who support HUM matter. “You save lives every day. I’m not just thankful, but I’m sure my family is. I’m sure my kids are. I’m sure my mom was thankful to have her son for her last six months – her real son, not her son who was showing up high.”

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